Thursday, July 16, 2009

This blog has moved!

Please visit me at my new spot:

See you there!

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Is anyone still out there?

"Well, it's tasty, but it's no El Pollo Loco."

1. The Lewis tonight on Top Chef Masters. YUMMY, indeed.

2. Miami Social. I haven't gotten a chance to watch the whole thing, but I did catch about 10 minutes of it last night. For the most part, the women look like they've just returned from a Donatella Versace look-alike contest capped off by an all night coke bender. Harsh! On the other hand, the homes that I saw were lovely and I did enjoy the Ocean's Eleven-type cinematography during the Hardy scenes. Is he going to be our object of lust during this show, or is he gross because he's humping Trixia?

3. I miss you all terribly. My blog facelift is healing nicely, and it should be ready for public viewing very soon. See you then, hookers!

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Oh, for God's sake!

How on earth am I supposed to go on a break when there's eye-popping stupidity to report? The bloggers at W Magazine recently interviewed Kelly Bensimon about her new jewelry collection. Apparently, she's abandoned the owls (remember the lawsuit?) for snakes with loopy tongues.

Here is an excerpt from the interview:

What inspired you for this [jewelry] collection?
I love Navajo and I love the idea of taking Pocahontas out of the kayak and putting her into the disco. Everyone knows that she's had enough in her little canoe and now she's out and having fun in the disco. It's the idea that it's Navajo, but also it's pavé and really, pavé that's my forte. I love bling. I love understated flashy.
Is she fucking high? What other possible explanation is there for Navajo Pocahontas at the disco?

"So, like, my next collection is going to be kind of Helen Keller in Aspen. I mean, get that girl a snowboard!"

You'll also be glad to know that she resurrects her infamous "up here/down there" line when talking about the loopy snake tongue, aka "pod":
That's the pod, which is something that's really going to be the staple of the line. It comes in lariat. I like the lariat because it brings the attention down. Everyone likes up, I like down. I'm like, bring it right here [motions towards her chest]! There are two parts of a woman's body men like, and so we're focusing on one.
Ah, Kelly likes the attention down. Or wait, is it up? Apart? I'm confused.

Anyhow, click here to read the entire interview; it's very worth it, especially when Kelly bewilders the interviewer (twice) by using the word "chatty" instead "catty."

On a completely unrelated note, I am mesmerized by this video (found, and intelligently discussed, on fourfour). That shirt alone draws you in, doesn't it?

Is that Teresa at the :28 mark? Just joking, Teresa; you know I love you and your greasy husband.

Happy Friday!

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Dear PC,

You are ridiculous, and I am so sorry that you have such a permanent and public record of it.


Is anyone watching this show?

Did Gretchen get married? (thanks to the anonymous tipster.) I'm sure we would have heard about it if she had, but I can't find a thing.

I'm going to be taking a short break while I upgrade my blog. It's going to be fancier and fluffier than ever! Come back next week-ish to check it out. xoxo

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

It's so easy to read their minds

Ramoner: I'm bored. I need to be stimulated. I think I will bring up Alex's nude photos one more time after the show.

Alex: Well, it's fine, but it's certainly no corset made out of rotting burlap.

Jill: Let's get this over with. Brad's re-wallpapering my entire apartment with the Zarin logo and I just know he's going to screw it up.

Jaqueline: I wonder what it would be like to read a book.

Dina: Bubbies are too small. Next.

Caroline: What the fuck are you lookin' at, bitch?

Teresa: I wonder where we place orders? I want five of everything.

Danielle: Little do they know, I have Cop without a Badge hiding under this paper. We're gonna clear the air once and for all!

For more photos of the Housewives at The Fashion Show fashion show (what?), go here.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Like Tony Soprano, but with biggah tits

My apologies to the Manzos, but the mafia jokes never get old.

Behold, KCSCougar's latest production. I am snorting like a piggy--it's so funny, maybe his best one yet. (language is delightfully NSFW).

I haven't watched Part 2 of the reunion yet but have talked to a few people about it. WHAT DID DANIELLE DO? She briefly alludes to it in her blog. There's something very, very juicy here and I'm not talking about Andy Cohen's butt. What do you think?

Thursday, June 25, 2009

All the world's a stage!

At least for Danielle, because why else would you say shit like this (after a hearing to prevent the release of your sex tape):

This is about my kids. I'm a big girl. Do what you want to me. But you broke bread with my children. Don't do this to me. No adult should ever do this to a child.

Can you see me rolling my eyes to the heavens? She's a piece of work, that one. (said in my best Jersey accent.)

"You think you can take me? You need a fucking army if you gonna take me! Now who wants a handjob in my car?"

Did you know that Bravo claims it knew nothing about The Book before the show started taping? Hello, JACKPOT. Can you imagine the clapping and squealing going on in Andy Cohen's office when the news broke?

ROUND 2 of the Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion tonight. A preview of Caroline's "YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID" moment:

Sources: NYDailyNews, Newsday, NYPost and Scarface. Thanks to Lauren K and LDW for the tips!