Thursday, July 9, 2009

Oh, for God's sake!

How on earth am I supposed to go on a break when there's eye-popping stupidity to report? The bloggers at W Magazine recently interviewed Kelly Bensimon about her new jewelry collection. Apparently, she's abandoned the owls (remember the lawsuit?) for snakes with loopy tongues.




Here is an excerpt from the interview:

What inspired you for this [jewelry] collection?
I love Navajo and I love the idea of taking Pocahontas out of the kayak and putting her into the disco. Everyone knows that she's had enough in her little canoe and now she's out and having fun in the disco. It's the idea that it's Navajo, but also it's pavé and really, pavé that's my forte. I love bling. I love understated flashy.
Is she fucking high? What other possible explanation is there for Navajo Pocahontas at the disco?

"So, like, my next collection is going to be kind of Helen Keller in Aspen. I mean, get that girl a snowboard!"

You'll also be glad to know that she resurrects her infamous "up here/down there" line when talking about the loopy snake tongue, aka "pod":
That's the pod, which is something that's really going to be the staple of the line. It comes in lariat. I like the lariat because it brings the attention down. Everyone likes up, I like down. I'm like, bring it right here [motions towards her chest]! There are two parts of a woman's body men like, and so we're focusing on one.
Ah, Kelly likes the attention down. Or wait, is it up? Apart? I'm confused.


Anyhow, click here to read the entire interview; it's very worth it, especially when Kelly bewilders the interviewer (twice) by using the word "chatty" instead "catty."


On a completely unrelated note, I am mesmerized by this video (found, and intelligently discussed, on fourfour). That shirt alone draws you in, doesn't it?



Is that Teresa at the :28 mark? Just joking, Teresa; you know I love you and your greasy husband.

Happy Friday!

29 comments:

Stacy said...

You know, I read that first excerpt, and I actually literally felt my head floating away for a moment there.

SGM said...

Ha! I know what you mean.

Anonymous said...

So, like, my next collection is going to be kind of Helen Keller in Aspen. I mean, get that girl a snowboard!"

LOL! Thanks for the laugh SGM. Kelly is a mess...she musta got hold of some of the good stuff before that interview!

Chloe said...

How the interview really went:

What inspired you for this [jewelry] collection?
Hi! Hi hi hiyee! I love Navajo? And I like, love the idea of taking Pocahontas out of the kayak and putting her into the disco? Everyone knows that she's had enough in her little canoe and now she's, like, out and having fun in the disco? It's the idea that it's Navajo, but also that it's, like, pavé? And really, like, pavé that's my forte? I love bling. I TOOOOOTALLY love understated flashy. When I was 15, I was named most understated flashy in my area. My jewelry costs money, but cartwheels are, like, totally free. Okay I'm done with this interview, STOPPPP.

mamacita said...

Time to get crackin' on my Disco Injun costume for Halloween.

Vanessa said...

She never stops baffling me. Not that she's one to care about historical accuracy, but Pocahontas wasn't Navajo... Get that chick an encyclopedia.

Naz said...

Rumor has it that she's the only NY Housewife that's signed on for the next season. The others are holding out for more money and perks but in the meantime Bravo has other 30 something singles "like Kelly" in case they don'e sign with the orginials. UGH..!!!

Anonymous said...

What, you don't remember the side trip John Rolfe made to the Southwest where Pocahontas also happened to be vacationing?

EmElle said...

She needs to just stop talking. Seriously. Forever.

Ally said...

I just stumbled upon your blog and was soooo excited to see a post dedicated to making fun of Kelly Bensimon. Ohhhh, how I hate her!!!!!!

Needless to say, I will be following you from now on.

Tiffaney said...

Pocahontas, kayaks, and disco. Absolutely friggin priceless.

Anonymous said...

That snake looks like it stuck its tongue out and got it run over by someone in their rollerskates at the disco!

leFiligree said...

kayaks arent navajo, either. they are from the arctic. oh well, i can see how those minor details can get all jumbled when one is cartwheeling and busy thinking up crazy marketing shit like the pod and understated flashy.

leFiligree said...

i forgot to mention that "the pod" looks more like a noose.

Dobbygirl said...

Does she realize she's talking out loud to the voices in her head? Good God she's a dolt.

DeeDee said...

understated flashy is the new black! hehehehhehe. how snarky! don cha love it!

Brittany said...

I just watched that a little while ago! Very funny. Wildwood really hasn't changed much...

Brittany said...

And Kelly's just a dip...straight up.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, as some other people mentioned... Pocahontas was not Navajo. She was Powhatan. The Navajos were, like, thousands of miles away. And her kayak wouldn't fit on the private plane at the time so she couldn't go to that other country of Arizona. And when I ran into her last night at the disco she was in love with my jewry collection. She looked it up and down. I mean, down and up. Owls are so out. Actually, I had a bunch of owl stuff, but a car ran over it when I was jogging in the middle of the street on my way to this photoshoot because I am totally casual and drive an Indian car, a Bronco, but like to be free in traffic without the walls of a car around me.

Anonymous said...

OMG! I just read that interview. THE DRAWING OF HER IS HILLLLLAAARIOUS! And here's what I think... SGM, if you could get an interview with the interviwer ABOUT the interview, I think it would be one of the funniest things on earth. What an absolute RIOT. How can a person be so unaware of how she presents to people. And she makes no sense at all.

Anonymous said...

Question:

If Kelly had been plain/average looking, would she be smarter? I mean: Would she have gotten a better education (at the REAL Columbia, e.g.) and gotten a real job where she could have learned real things?

I'm wondering if there's a storyline linking her appearance and her IQ.

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Anonymous said...

Here comes lawsuit #2...these look oddly similar to the Kaviar line that Nicole Richie, Mary Kate Olsen, Lauren Conrad, etc. have worn.

http://www.roseark.com/shop/1239-kathy-rose-snake-cuff/

LaurenW said...

I love FourFour! Wish they still did their Project runway review. It was hysterical!

arollerskatingjam said...

"It's different!"

Boy,I hope that girl learned to knock it off with the intoxicants before it was too late...

beachbungalow8 said...

I sort of want to know what happened to the girl with the shoulderless shirt.

Meg said...

I... wow. This stuff is AWESOME. Few satiric representations of lovely, wealthy idiots manage to reach these kinds of heights. She thinks people believe she's uneducated because she says "like" all the time? She's right. It's not because of a Navajo Pocahontas going to the disco because she's tired of her canoe (and, like, TOTALLY shopping for an AWESOME new outfit with great 'colorways' from Miu Miu!). Because THAT sounds totally genius.

Also, I really enjoyed the editorial notes inserted "[Ed's note: again, we think she meant 'catty]."

The Lil Bee said...

I just shit myself a little on the Helen Keller remark!!!!!! OMGOMGOMG.

Jennifer said...

That snake is fugly.

LOL "get that girl on a snowboard."!!!