Friday, June 5, 2009

Lame, thy name is SGM

UPDATED with a new photo that isn't a close-up of a gross eye.

The short story: There is no Real Housewives of New Jersey recap for you today.

The long story: OH MY GOD. I thought you'd never ask.

For the past month, my eyes have been inexplicably bloodshot, sensitive and hurty, and I can't look at the computer monitor for 15 minutes without getting a nasty throbbing eye-ache. I went to my eye doctor to see what the problem was and she was all "fuck if I know." Then I punched her in the face. Not really. I actually said a meek "okay" and cried on my way to the car.

On the bright side, I think I am earning a reputation as a junkie. I have stopped wearing eye make-up and I wear sunglasses over my glasses when I'm driving, which only enhances my appearance of being strung out. Danielle knows what I'm talking about.

It's super-pretty.

I'm almost sure I have it figured out--I think I am allergic to my mofo contact solution. I've been completely off of it for 3 days now, and I am finally starting to see improvement. JESUS.

So, no recap, which hurts me deep inside because I desperately want to talk about Jaqueline's bizarre and childlike giggling when she's with Danielle.

If you want to read something funny that will make you LOL and possibly ROFL/LMAO, please visit one of my favorite people in the world, the stunning and sexual Elaine of Miss in Your Business. She and her friend Sarah help people with their problems in a very straight-talking way. This post, about when you should end a friendship with a total bitch, would be an excellent place to start.

I love you all. Have a delicious weekend.


Brilliant Asylum said...

So sorry. I was having the same issue a few years ago and kept switching contact lens brands. I would wait until right before I had to go to a party to put in my contacts (I am too vain to wear my glasses in social settings). Then the countdown to vampire eyes would begin. After I switched contact solution brands, I was all better. Duh. Glad it took 6 months and multiple trips to the opto before I figured it all out.

Anyho, hope your vision is well enough to watch NYC Prep for us in a few weeks. Counting on you for a juicy recap.

Get better soon!

Jackie said...

I hope your eyes feel better! I have been waiting with baited breath all week for your re-cap though!!

TheBeautyFile said...

Those pictures are BEYOND priceless...I almost am in shock that she didn't buy up every copy of the book before the show aired to have a huge bonfire on the Jerz shore...bizarre...

I hope you eye gets better really soon!

Jilly in Idaho said...

I thought that was a Ramoner eye up close at first glance! Poor you. I can't believe an eye doc couldn't come up with at least a few suggestions as to your eye problems. WTF? Isn't that their job and expertise? Yea, I wear glasses but can't wear contacts so I sympathize. Love your description of wearing sunglasses over glasses. Been there, done that too. Maybe you'll start a new trend, a different kind of heroin chic look.

I don't get Jacqueline's friendship with Danielle either. There's nothing nice or fun with D, just drama and bitching about everything. Jacqueline seems pretty gullible and naive and may piss off the family.

Rest your eyes and give them a break. See ya next week maybe...

Suzette said...

Get yourself back together for when the gang hits the Jersey shore. We'll really need you then.

Also: Beverly Merrill- detained on suspicion of felonious use of a white headband.

La Frog said...

Solve those eye problems soon! Nothing should deter you from your television watching and recapping. I myself have to wear sunglasses when I watch Hi-Def because that searing bright resolution gives me a wicked headache. I think I look cool, but the neighbors just think I'm stone-cold mad. Get well quickly!

Mrs. Limestone said...

Not sure if this helps but I had a similar situation a while back. Evidently it was some muscle strain at the back of my eye. Eye doctor gave me some drops and it was gone in 48 hours. Sounds like you found your culprit but in case it doesn't go away, maybe try another doc.

frydoggie said...

Have I told you recently that I wish mom and dad would have given me 1/10th your genius?

christy said...

Hope your eyes feel better soon! I had something similar lasr month, actually bruised my eyeball. Ewww!

adeleno5 said...

SGM, are you allergic to silicone? This happens to my best friend if she uses eye drops. Hope you feel better soon, life is not the same without a RH recap!

No Drama Mama said...


Did you see an optometrist or an ophthamologist? If the former, PLEASE go see the latter. (In other words... Go see the ophthamologist) I had a case of scleritis pop up rather quickly and was VERY PAINFUL.


SGM said...

Thanks for all of the concern, everyone! Like Brilliant Asylum, I have been too vain to wear my glasses 100% of the time, so I was putting in my contacts for a few hours several days a week, and I'm pretty sure that was my downfall.

If I'm not looking/feeling lots better by Monday I will go see an opthamologist.

And OUCH, Christy, a bruised eye sounds painful!


barb said...

ugh, sorry about your eyes.

Hey, have you seen this??

my friend, who jokes that she can't even focus on a book from beginning to end, remembered dina from this show...when i googled i read somewhere that this is why her husband is not on the show now...he's had enough of the reality thang

Dobbygirl said...

Feel better soon! I need your commentary to brighten up my dull, dreary life. Eye issues SUCK - I had to claw my contacts out tonight as they were feeling more like shards of glass. Ick!

Anonymous said...

Get well soon sugar! If I were you, I may consider getting a second opinion. Just to make sure that you are AOK. I am a truly selfish monster and would miss the snark from your site.

Chloe said...

I totally had the same problem (and still have the same problem) with my eyeballs and contact lens solutions- the No Rub ones just rub me the wrong way (har har sorry I CAN'T HELP IT). My eyes immediately turn red as soon as I use them- typically it's my right eye that is worse so I wander around looking like I have a bad case of Pink Eye. Ugh.

I use Clear Care's contact lens system now and I'm all better. It's a pain in the butt (you have to rinse them with disinfectant and place them in a special vial overnight and then in the morning rinse again with the saline but make sure you don't accidentally grab the disinfectant to rinse them or else you'll feel like you just dumped acid into your eyeball) but yeah. Hopefully they'll figure your case out soon! I also can't stand to wear glasses, so I panic if something is up with my contact lenses. :(

Christine in DC said...

Sorry to hear about your eyes (and especially sorry that there's no NJ recap).

I had a problem w/ my eye solution once doctor said it wasn't that I was allergic to the solution (which I'd used for years) but that it was the interaction of the solution w/ the contacts. Once I switched, I had no problem. Good luck!!!

Anonymous said...

Definitly try the Clear Care system as Chole suggested. My daughter had the same issue as you years ago and this took care of it. Her disposable contacts also last forever using this system.

Anonymous said...

Man, what do they pay you the big bucks for? Get to work on that recap, eyeballs or no eyeballs!

Sarah said...

So sorry to hear about your eyes. Sounds exactly like something I went through. I developed an allergy too all of thos multi-purpose solutions out of no where (Renu type stuff). I ended up finding the Clear Care product and have been happy ever since. No rinsing either, you just put them in the enclosed special container and forget about it. Do no, however, wake up late, loser your mind and squirt the solution directly into your eye. This hurts. A lot. Do not then figure the problem must be something on your lens and squirt your eye again. Learn from my pain!

Richie Designs said...

oh feel better. rub those note cards over your eyeballs I heard they have magical powers to cure all


Anonymous said...

FYI in case you didn't see it yet---Kelly from Kellyland received 2 days of community service.

Zakary said...

I hope your eyes are better. I went through this when I first started wearing contacts. I'm allergic to every solution except Complete One.

P.S. I hope this isn't your eyeballs way of revolting. You know, like they can't watch anymore Bravo, so they have decided to go blind.

I'm just saying.

hello gorgeous said...

Your eyes are revolting against the Jersey housewives! That's funny. But hurty is not funny. Feel better, kitten.

maria from LI said...

SGM--I hope I am not too late with a suggestion!

I have green eyes....very light sensitive and I work in an industry fraught with jet lag and time zones. I am used to puffy eyes, but bloodshot started a few years back. It was a nightmare for me.

I flew (seriously) with some super models. Private plane and yeah, the biatches were doing lines of coke, etc, and when I'd see them the next day, their eyes were clear and soooo white.

I finally had to ask. Yup, I'll take beauty tips from anorexic crazy girls....if it'll help. (Think: Danielle Staub/Beverly Merill, but REALLY Ford models).

In their purses (Louis Vuittons, no less!) they each had a bottle of "Opcon A." It's like Visine, on steroids.

I buy it and it's three times the price of Visine, but it's known for getting the whites of your eyes super white and it's a staple on photoshoots. It's not made for contacts, etc. Just gets rid of the bloodshot crap.

I hope, by now, you've solved your problem....but I swear by this stuff and it's very soothing for irritated eyes.

Good luck!