UPDATED with a new photo that isn't a close-up of a gross eye.
The short story: There is no Real Housewives of New Jersey recap for you today.
The long story: OH MY GOD. I thought you'd never ask.
For the past month, my eyes have been inexplicably bloodshot, sensitive and hurty, and I can't look at the computer monitor for 15 minutes without getting a nasty throbbing eye-ache. I went to my eye doctor to see what the problem was and she was all "fuck if I know." Then I punched her in the face. Not really. I actually said a meek "okay" and cried on my way to the car.
On the bright side, I think I am earning a reputation as a junkie. I have stopped wearing eye make-up and I wear sunglasses over my glasses when I'm driving, which only enhances my appearance of being strung out. Danielle knows what I'm talking about.
I'm almost sure I have it figured out--I think I am allergic to my mofo contact solution. I've been completely off of it for 3 days now, and I am finally starting to see improvement. JESUS.
So, no recap, which hurts me deep inside because I desperately want to talk about Jaqueline's bizarre and childlike giggling when she's with Danielle.
If you want to read something funny that will make you LOL and possibly ROFL/LMAO, please visit one of my favorite people in the world, the stunning and sexual Elaine of Miss in Your Business. She and her friend Sarah help people with their problems in a very straight-talking way. This post, about when you should end a friendship with a total bitch, would be an excellent place to start.
I love you all. Have a delicious weekend.