Tuesday, August 26, 2008

A Comeuppance

Sorry it's been lame over here lately. CNN asked me to cover the DNC for them, and I've been so busy being all "politico" that I simply have had no time to blog.*

But when someone tipped me off to a little bit of RHNYC scandal, I rushed out of my interview with Hillary to bring you this breaking news from Page 6:

IT'S too bad video cameras for "The Real Housewives of NYC" weren't trained on the reality show's cast member Countess LuAnn de Lesseps at the Southampton wedding of BlueStar Jets owner Todd Rome and his bride, Vanessa Brahms.

In front of 200 guests at Nello Summertimes last Thursday, the high-spirited countess commandeered the mike from Andy Hilfiger's band and sang two songs. "She knocked over the drum set while smiling at the horrified guests," a source said.

Then, LuAnn, who was there with her husband, Alexandre Count de Lessups, seemed overwhelmed with affection for her fellow guests. "She was trying to make out with women and married men," the source said. "A pregnant wife caught her in the act, stormed off and walked home in disgust."

Alexandre "tried to make her leave and was seen throwing her to the ground in the parking lot," our spy continued.

"She wasn't just kissing the married men, she was also grabbing their [crotches]," another witness told The Post's Braden Keil, adding that one male victim was the escort of one of her TV co-stars.

LuAnn and her husband angrily denied the alleged raucous behavior. "None of it is true. My husband was with me the entire time," the countess fumed. Alexandre added, "This sounds like a plot." He also denied shoving her, saying, "She tripped with her high heels in the parking lot of Nello's. It is gravel, not hard ground. I nearly fell."

Todd Rome told us, "At these parties, people always get frisky. All I can say is that she didn't try to grab me."

A few weeks ago, the countess caused a scene at Manor Lounge in Chicago by warbling an over-the-top, Marilyn Monroe-style "Happy Birthday" to a complete stranger, "and the birthday boy was not amused," a source said. That didn't happen either, insisted the countess.

NICE! I'm thinking that The Countess' book on manners will include a chapter on "Crotch-Grabbing: Only When You're Shit-Faced" and also, a section co-written by Ramoner, "Why Own Up to Your Crappy Behavior When You Can Deny and Make Paranoid Accusations?" Looking forward to that!

*Okay, okay, big lie. I have actually been lying in my bed, having imaginary conversations with Jeff Lewis and eating cookie dough. At least I'm not drunkenly doing my Marilyn Monroe act for complete strangers. Yet.


mamacita said...

God, people confuse me with the Countess all. the. time.

modernemama said...

Is anyone else getting a "maybe it's time for wife #5" vibe?

Habitually Chic said...

Ha! I was totally thinking about the Manners Book while I read that! Just goes to show that money can't buy class.

Abby said...

SGM! Get it together woman! We need your whitty banter to get us through our boring [but with a sometimes hint of exciting] lives!!
..but if you must, at least stay in the bed dreaming of Mr. Lewis til next tuesday, as I will be on vacation and unable to check your blog 5,304 times a day as I normally do.

Jennifer said...

I could totally see The Countess doing that. She needs to own it--not deny it!

zakary said...

She needs to own that crazy Xanax-washed-down-with-Vodka-just-snorted-cocaine-off-her-tiara behavior. Own it!

Crotch grabbing is indeed elegant only when you are in the Hampton's.

Glad you liked the bags! See you on CNN!

Megan said...

Sounds like someone's adding a little something extra to their party mix! Could add a bit of added color to the next season, unless shes gets it under wraps by then. Sadly, I hope she doesn't.

muranogirl said...

Oh... good stuff SGM!!!

Jesus, I suppose that's what happens to frustrated,middle-aged, buttoned- up countesses when you liquor them up and let them loose!

I never think to crotch grab - perhaps that will be the next party trend. Who needs to carry an "it' bag when you can grab crotches?

The Lil Bee said...

She was clearly coked out of her mind, yes? I mean... WOW! Good stuff, SGM. Sorry I've been gone so long. I missed this hilarity!

I *Heart* You said...

did noel perform a little hip hop to distract everyone? aaaaaahhh!! she is a trainwreck!!!

Anonymous said...

Does anyone know if the rumors about the Countess's husband is leaving her is true.