Tuesday, August 12, 2008

"Yes, I'm still an a-hole, but . . . I think I'm a likable, maybe even loveable a-hole."

Jeff Lewis, I swear to God, you were looking DIRECTLY AT ME when you made this statement. It's okay to admit it, honey. You are likable and lovable, and I'd like to think that it is because of the guidance and unconditional love that I've given you over the internet this season. It's truly been so rewarding for me.

Everyone! (brisk clap clap) Listen up. The Flipping Out Season 2 reunion was the best fucking reunion show ever in the history of the world. If you haven't watched it, then I strongly urge you to drop everything right now and do so. If you didn't dvr it or don't have cable, well then you need to come over to my house immediately. If you are too far away, or you don't want to hear me squealing and clapping the whole time, then email me and I will somehow make a bootleg for you. IT'S THAT GOOD.

Even though this recap will not do the show justice, I'm going to do it anyway, just so we can relive the whole magical experience together.

1. It's just Jeff and Andy Cohen at the outset and Andy's talking about how most people think Jeff's a "little bit of a bastard" this season more than last season. Jeff's shocked and says that he thinks he's "less of an a-hole." I agree! Then Jeff says the "I'm a likable a-hole" quote and I am delighted to no end to hear the word "a-hole" come from those plump lips (to be clear, he did not say asshole, he said a-hole. LOVE).

2. Andy asks him about his "beauty regimen." Jeff says that people compare him to American Psycho (I can see that) but that he is no longer obsessed with his looks. He's "working on letting go" and says he hasn't had Botox in 12 months. DUDE, he's totally in a twelve-step program for Botox addiction!

FYI, Jeff looks as handsome as ever.

So what does Jeff do to maintain his looks? He works out and he "manscapes." He says that he attracts better people when he doesn't fuss so much about his looks. Then he says "it's not just the people who are transitioning who are attracted to me," and while I was all "what the fuck does that mean?" Andy almost tips over in his chair! He was in a chair and tipping back and he comes close to cracking his head open. Pretty awesome.

3. MAJOR BIG UPS to Andy for following up with "how extensive is your manscaping?" and there is DEFINITE flirtation here. At this point, everyone who's watching cannot stop thinking (fantasizing) about Jeff's pubic area, but instead he talks about his armpit hair and how he likes to keep it short. Jeff almost "goes there" but stops himself. Dammit!

4. Andy says that a viewer emailed and described Jeff as the best looking man on tv. Does Jeff agree? "Yes," he answers without skipping a beat. "Who's your competition?" Andy asks. Jeff thinks for a moment. "No one--I'm just so far ahead." This is why you need to watch this show with your own eyes; the man is a comedic genius!

Andy asks whether Jeff is still on anti-depressants. Jeff reports that no, he isn't, "just the occasional Viagra and that's it." HA! Of course, after this comment Jeff has to admit for the first time in his life, "I'm kidding!" I knew you were kidding, Jeff, because why would you need Viagra when you're getting a boner from all of the sexy talk and tension with Andy!?

5. Andy's asking Jeff a question and Jeff starts putting something on his lips. Once again, Andy stops and says "what's happening with the lipstick?" Jeff flirts back, "it's not lipstick, it's Chapstick." IT IS ALL DELICIOUSLY SEXUAL.

6. Jenni comes on and I think she has lipgloss on her teeth? I wish someone would have told her. Anyhow, blah blah blah about the deal with Chris Elwood. Nothing new, but Jenni looks fabulous and Chris Elwood will never get another girl that hott (or funny and smart).

Photo via More Ways to Waste Time

Another precious moment: Jeff says "Jeff from Los Angeles" (he's making fun of Andy's viewer questions) "would like to know, now that you've taken time out . . . were you happy [in the marriage]?" Jenni doesn't really answer, and Jeff says, "I'll interview you!" Jenni looks skeptical and says "no, we need Andy because he won't start terrorizing me two questions from now." Score one for Jenni!

Jeff goes on to say that as "emotionally limited" (!!!) as he is, he's really tried to be there for Jenni. Jenni asks for a hug. Jeff squirms and tries to get out of it, but they HUG and he is truly a gifted hugger. Who knew? It was intimate and firm and warm--just like I'd imagine his butt to be. What? Oh yeah. Then comes the best part of the show, when Jeff is mid-hug and mutters "I'm gonna get an erection." Jenni yanks herself away with an "ewwwwww," but everyone is cracking up.

You will not want to make jokes when you hug me, Jeff Lewis. No sir. You will want to hug me for hours on end, so restorative are my embraces. (And p.s., don't worry about erections; I will be totally professional about it).

7. Andy (or some viewer) asks whether Jenni's "gay husband" relationship with Jeff will hurt her chances at getting a new man. Jeff interjects, "I try not to cockblock when we go out." OMFG! Cockblock is secretly my favorite word ever, and to hear it out of Jeff's mouth makes me weak in the knees.

8. Andy asks if Jeff is dating, and Jeff says yes. Anyone in particular? Jeff doesn't answer but says coquettishly, "I'm dating." They SO want each other! Jenni's not dating at all. She's still hurting, my darlings. SGM can see it.

9. Jeff requests that Jenni do her famous Bob Saget rap. She does, and Jeff is amused. Andy asks if she's met Julia Louis Dreyfus, and she says no but that she considers it a compliment to be told that she resembles her. Jeff remarks that he's been told he looks like Lisa Rinna and Priscilla Presley. AWESOME.

10. Zoila joins Jeff and Jenni. Watch the best parts here. Jeff's been teaching her about Tila Tequila and "My Milkshakes Bring All the Boys to the Yard." There's also a really funny part where Andy asks if she's getting recognized and then Zoila goes into big-time flirtation mode with him. Andy must have been putting out some major pheromones that day!

11. Before Ryan comes on, a new clip from Ryan's party is shown--Jeff is getting OWNED by Ryan's assistant Christiane in Quarters and he is full-on drunk. Jeff Lewis out of control? Beautiful.

12. Ryan's on. Andy asks which celeb's house they'd like to renovate. Jeff whispers to Ryan, and then shyly admits that it's Kathy Griffin's. He and Kathy have "recently become friends," he adds. I approve, Jeff! I love the idea of a friendship with Kathy.

13. There is this whole big thing about RYAN'S HAIR and how awful it was this season.

Ryan talks about how when he cut it, everyone said "whew, I'm so glad you cut your hair--it looked terrible!" Ryan complained that no one told him how bad it was when he actually had the bad hairstyle (WRONG, by the way--I did). Andy gets a zinger in when he asks Ryan if that's what happened when Ryan broke up with Jeff. The ever-tactful Ryan laughs and says he's blocked that period out.

14. CHLOE'S BIOLOGICAL DAD--I know that many of you have asked about this, and Andy addressed it. Turns out that Ryan and his partner both contributed sperm to the surrogate ("a sperm cocktail," so to speak), so it could be either one of them. Both dads are listed on the birth certificate. (but Ryan knows! I could tell from his face.)

15. The "bad baby" scene is discussed and Ryan put an end to that game after Chloe started playing "bad baby" at a restaurant. I warned you, Ryan! Ryan, in defense of Jeff, did say that the cameras did not show Chloe laughing hysterically when Jeff threw the baby down. Jeff's new trick for Chloe is to have her lift up her shirt and say "girls gone wild!" As a parent, I do not approve, but as a person with a sick sense of humor, I think that's really fucking funny.

16. Andy asks Jeff about whether he would consider having children. Someday, he says. Ryan says he'd make a great father. Anyone out there want to be his surrogate? Anon?

17. Jeff and Ryan are asked if they would ever take jobs in other cities. They both say yes. Jeff, you'd better pray that I never win the lottery because I will make you my renovation SLAVE.

18. This is SO LONG, and I'm sorry.

19. Jeff reports that Jett's still around. He says that it's so amazing how Jett completes everything on the list with time to spare and with no complaints. For the record, I don't believe a word of it; it's just a dig at Chris K who's not there to defend himself.

Jeff talks about how Zoila sexually harasses Jett with innuendo. Jeff calls her a "Nicaraguan cougar." Sweet Jesus!

The End.

It was truly wonderful, so for the love of God, please watch it and then come back to gossip. Thank you for loving this show with me!

UPDATE ON THE ZOILA PORTRAIT AUCTION: Current bid is $2550. The auction ends next Tuesday, so there's plenty of time for all of us to earn a couple extra Gs and buy that thing. Come on, do it!


kelly said...

thank you for this fabulous post! i read every single word (and laughed out loud). i hope they rerun the episode... i am the only person on the planet without dvr.

Courtney said...

A sperm cocktail is the most genius thing I've ever heard. SGM - this post is so informative and beyond awesome!!

Truth be told, I completely missed the show and my stinkin DVR didn't record it. I'm off to pack my bags and will be at your door in approx 10 hours.

Anonymous said...

I absolutely LOVED the Reunion Episode!!!!! I was laughing throughout! Jeff Lewis is a real character! I can understand why you love him so much SGM. I can't wait until Season 3! Other than Project Runway, in my humble opinion, this is by far one of the best reality shows on Bravo (on tv even). And its really because everyone is so darn lovable (and vulnerable)! You can tell the true affection they have for one another and its so endearing! "one big dysfunctional family"

"people who are transitioning"??? I was left out on that one too....there are really several possibilities....my guess is Tranny. I could be wrong.

I know! I totally noticed the flirting between Andy & Jeff....hmmmm.

oh my gawd! I totally didn't hear it when Jeff told Jenni he was going to get an erection when he was hugging her!!! LOL How funny!

Wouldn't it be so great if Jeff renovates Kathy Griffin's house in Season 3! Just a thought Bravo...it might work.

Thanks again for an amazing recap SGM!!!! I have become a devout reader of your blog.


"Detective Chavez and I decided..." LOL!

Anonymous said...

"Jeff remarks that he's been told he looks like Lisa Rinna and Priscilla Presley."

And Mickey Rourke - Don't forget Mickey Rourke.

I watched it last night, and plan to watch it again tonight, it made me so giddy.

Barb said...

"It was intimate and firm and warm--just like I'd imagine his butt to be." OMG, I laughed out loud and my co workers looked at me like I was a wierdo. Thanks so much for my fav pic again! You are totally the best EVER!!!!!!!!
I missed the reunion, I was watching The Queen with my mom, total waste of time! Got home and this was over and I almost cried! Thank goodness I have you!

SGM said...

Kelly, don't worry; it's got to be on again. Keep your eyes open (and get a dvr)!

Courntey, See you soon! Can't wait. ;)

Anon, I too think it's the best show on tv, and I didn't even watch it much last season. But watch out for Rachel Zoe next week--I have a feeling that she's going to be awesome too.

freckledk, Ah, I forgot about Mickey Rourke! I'm going to watch it again too.

SGM said...

BARB, you must find a way to watch this show and catch Jeff's every nuanced look. The smile photo was for you, btw.

Anonymous said...

I concur, best reunion show ever. Zoila trying to get Human Resources, I mean Jenny, to approve a new uniform. Following Jeff's advice on how to not get a "head over." How to flirt with the boys in the store. Unzipping her uniform to show Andy what a sexy cougar she is. I could go on and on and on and on but SGM covered it all.

Megan said...

I hope you're adding that pic to your mug collection.

I never wanted this recap to end.

Nicaraguan cougars sound like much more fun than N. American ones.

Anonymous said...

My favorite part was that clip of Zoila and Jeff drinking together and he makes her answer the phone answers "it's been a good day at jeffrey lewis' office..." and they both crack up. I hadn't seen it before and thought it made me giggle and warm inside because you can tell they love each other.

Brittany said...


It sounds so amazing and hysterical...I laughed out loud...and that takes a lot, SGM!

I love you and your recaps!!

Psh. There's a Project Runway marathon on Bravo right now, but I'll keep watching for it!!

Jessie said...

AWESOME reunion. Just watched it, and still reeling from all the great lines.

My favorite part was also at the end when Jeff and Zoila have a little nightcap together, and both end up giggling after she answers the phone. SO sweet.

I would seriously give anything to have a glass of wine with them at the end of a "great day at Jeffrey Lewis."

crabapple said...

I missed this reunion show and I'm so glad to read your recap...I have to check Bravo's schedule and see when they are replaying it.

I already miss everybody on the show and can't wait for season 3.

thismslife said...

The reunion show was so perfect. I was literally grinning and clapping in excitement. I was really excited for SGM, too, knowing that you had to be dying! I decided that Jeff would LOVE you in real life. I think that he would go nuts for your blog posts.

thismslife said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

I'm as big a fan of the show and Jeff Lewis as you are, SGM, and i disect his every facial nuance too and i totally read his banter with Andy not as attraction but as irritation....andy kept trying to be so chummy... "your baiting me right now, Andy, arent' you?"

oh and when he said people who are "transitioning" i think that means guys who are experimenting with the gay lifestyle (so they go for the more groomed effeminate guys) but that's just my guess....

maison21 said...

realizing that this might be your last flipping out post (until season 3?), i had to split my reading of it into two parts- to truly savor the experience.

and sgm, i want that pirate bootleg- you guessed it, i missed the show, and no dvr (i know, i know- pathetic. but no lectures please, i barely have a television).

franki durbin said...

he's just so darn likable! And was it just me, or did his season fly by? How are we already done.

The rapport between he and Jenni and he and Zoila is terrific evidence that he's not dysfunctional as he'd like us to believe. I think there's a sweet guy in there just waiting to be loved. Jeff... we love you!

amber {daisy chain} said...

I loved this interview episode, in fact I was laughing out loud a few times, even the hubby wanted to know what all the giggling was about (and wasn't he bummed to find not one olympic volleyball star in a bikini, but instead, Mr. Jeff Lewis).

I'm feeling a loss after this show, I hope they come back for another season!!

Jennifer said...

First of all, thanks for putting me on your Roll! I don't know why you're not already on mine--but I'm adding you pronto.

Your recap was perfect! I loved that reunion--every bit of it. All the manscaping talk was great and I also liked when Andy asked if Jeff was still "on the juice" re: Botox.

The "after hours" scene w/ Jeff and Zoila really cracked me up.

I would LOVE to bid on the Zoila portrait but my husband would kill me.

The "likeable a-hole" line was the best!

Thanks for a geeat recap!!

Who Sees the Seven... said...

Have you not posted since Tuesday because you are in awe/amazement of the Mayer/Aniston break-up? Are you currently in John's studio singing "Your Body is a Wonderland" to him?

SGM said...

Ha ha, Who Sees! Maybe I am . . . maybe I am.

SGM said...

m21, what am I going to do with you?! I will see what I can do about a bootleg.

Anonymous said...

Paying higher taxes, earning lower salaries and having to endure the horrors of socialised medicine are not the only miseries caused by living in Canada vs. the US. Sadly, we are weeks behind on Flipping Out. Bless you, SGM, for your updates.

Is it just me, or does Zoila bear some uncanny resemblances to Rosario Salazar, the spunky El Salvadorian character on Will & Grace?

SGM said...

omg, YES on the Rosario! How have we not noticed this before?!

DUNCAN said...

Great post! You totally nailed it. I swear Andy wants to get in Jeff's pants.

DUNCAN said...

Great post! You totally nailed it. I swear Andy wants to get in Jeff's pants.

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