Saturday, December 20, 2008

Jennifer Aniston's Christmas Letter


Greetings, Friends and Family!

I hope this letter finds you well. John and I have had kind of a tumultuous year, but we are together FOREVER now and wanted to wish all of you the happiest of holidays. We are truly blessed to have each other and to be so blissfully in love. Here are some photos to prove it!


Isn't he adorable when he doesn't smile? I know he looks fucking miserable, but really he just has this dry sense of humor. As he explained it to me, that means he doesn't smile when he tells jokes, or when he's in my presence.

Speaking of sense of humor, look at this one!

He's just told me that he hasn't slept in days and thinks we could use some "time apart." Isn't he hysterical? I can't stop laughing! Everyone should be so lucky to have a boyfriend with such a dazzling wit.

Now for the big news: I am trying to impregnate myself with his baby through sheer force of will.


That's right--no sex (he says he needs to save his energy for his fans, whatever that means!). If only I could get him to make a little eye contact with me, I think I could do it. 'Tis the season for immaculate conceptions, you know!

Wishing you peace, joy and reciprocated love this holiday season,

Jen (and John!)


Why am I so hard on Jen? This should explain everything.

22 comments:

Anonymous said...

I think she needs to be single for awhile. I don't get the I'm desperate for a baby vibe from her because she picks these shitty men who clearly couldn't handle a pregnant lady (brad pitt aside). But I do get the vibe she's lonely and choosing the grossest available men. Just stop, be single, stop smoking, and get out of the United States. I suggest France. Seems peaceful.

Ivy Lane said...

I just don't get her! and him...together....I just think YUCK....yes..some single time is in order for Jen...hopefully sooner than later...

Harvey Millstein, Certified Interior Decorator, said...

His expression is what you'd expect if he was at the coroner, about to identify the grisly remains of his family.

Jennifer said...

Brill=yant. Oh SGM, how I love thee.

Anonymous said...

Some of us LOVE to smoke. And like to keep the habit as an occasional guilty pleasure while we hid out and flup through the enquirer and drink box wine.

HG @ making lemonade said...

although i desperately try to hold back, i cannot escape my love for JM. you make some good points, some ironic ones, and ones that had me peeing my pants! hil-arious.

SGM said...

HG, I love JM. LOVE. It is my secret shame; that is why I ridicule Jennifer.

Lyndsy said...

Seriously...you are killing me! Both posts...too funny!

The Lil Bee said...

I know it's wrong, but I laughed a bit. Sorry Jen!

Susancnw said...

I can't stand her either...seems like she has one personality...Rachel. All her acting roles (and real life it seems) are iterations (and reiterations) of Rachel.

alis said...

^^I think that's because her hairstyle NEVER seems to change. It's either this or a ponytail. She always seems to have the same make-up and clothes on too.

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