Andy Cohen may be a bigwig senior v.p. at Bravo, but we all know him as the dude who moderates all of the reunion shows. He has a blog that I always forget to read (because there's no option to subscribe--hint hint, Bravo), but when I do, I'm never disappointed. He says things like "dicking around" and references Madame the puppet
(which to be honest, incapacited me with disbelief/joy for a few moments) and is just generally gay and funny. Also, he doesn't delete the aggressively sexual comments such as "[I'd like] an Andy Cohen and Shane Keough sandwich with me in the middle" and "you are sexy, hairy, sexy, funny, and sexy." LOVE it. Why don't I get comments like that? Anyhow, after the shitstorm surrounding last week's episode of Real Housewives, he decided to post an interview with himself and address some burning issues. His answers are definitely worth reading. My reactions are in the brackets.
On the "Let's watch Gretchen get wasted and then trap her in a tiny room with horny Ryan" episode of Real Housewives:
AC: OK well judging by the overload of comments on your blog, the top story people are wondering about is what you call the "Disturbia in Suburbia". Have you spoken to any of the Housewives since that fateful episode?
AC: I spoke to Tamra's husband, Simon, the other day and I understand that she's pissed and feels that she was edited badly and not portrayed well. [Sounds like someone has been getting some dirty looks in the carpool lane!]
AC: And do you think that's a fair argument? Was she a victim of the editors?
AC: I don't love the "blame the editor" defense and don't see how it could be twisted that she said 3x that she wanted to get Gretchen drunk. [Amen, brother!] But the big point is that Gretchen is an adult and the idea that someone (Tamra) has the power to completely control her has no legitimacy. Tamra didn't force her to do a thing. I do think Tamra has a lot to get off her chest [namely, those ginormous implants] and she deserves to be heard, and the same goes for Gretchen. I am quite interested to hear what they both have to say at the reunion show. [Translation: I am terrified that Tamra's going to direct her rage at me, but it will be good tv]
On the spectacular assbomb that was Date my Ex:
AC: I would like for you to defend the Jo and Slade dating show. People keep commenting about it but you never respond to any of the posts. [Andy, I know you are speaking directly to me on this. No need to be coy, darling.]
AC: I don't think I need to "defend" it, Andy...
AC: Don't call me Andy.
AC: Anyway, I think that it was a cute, fun summer show and ultimately maybe it was too fluffy for Bravo or at least for Andy's Blog readers, who I know are discriminating customers. [Actually, Andy, it's because Jo and Slade are two of the most annoying, narcissistic d-bags I've ever seen. So transparent. I would rather staple my tongue to the floor than root for either one of them. Not cute, not fluffy, just "not watchable."]
And finally, on his own slightly crossed-eyes:
AC: Well, since you brought up the reunion shows, when are you going to get your crossed eyes fixed?
AC: Funny that you bring that up, Andy, because I just heard that there's a procedure to fix wandering eyes that is fairly simple.
AC: So, you're all set, huh??
AC: The issue is that this "simple" procedure involves their taking your eyeball out and zapping your eye muscles. And I am really freaked about someone taking out my eyeball and then putting it back.
AC: You're a cross-eyed wimp.
AC: I hate you.
You like him, right? Yes. You should subscribe to his blog! Oh wait. We can't. (Andy, feel free to email me with a job offer.)
The conclusion to "Disturbia in Suburbia" is on in moments! Let me know what you think.