Thanks to Elaine's inspirational example**, I found the courage to create my own spoken word poetry. This is for you, Elaine (even though you won't understand any of it because you don't watch Real Housewives of Orange County)(wtf?). Anyhow. I love you.
*Pussy. However, Elaine can be now be found dispensing all kinds of genius advice here. There's no poetry, but it's still totally funny.
**And the TOTAL snooze-o-rama that was this episode
Undulating Cougars
Spoken word
By SGM
Tamra's mother
had a facelift,
But really, she only needed
Some make-up
better hair
intensive counseling
perhaps Prozac,
barrels of Prozac
Vicki and Briana
So boring
Shopping for scrubs
I close my eyes
And wait
Jeana travels to Milwaukeeto see her parents
Milwaukee....Milwaukee...
She has not been to Milwaukee
In 5 years
Jeana offers bullshit excuses
"Busy with volleyball, baseball"
But Jeana
Everyone knows
your asshole abusive husband
kept you from going
Lynne's mom
looks like Debbie Reynolds
Spitting image
So wise, so elegant
Not stupid.
An anomaly, or
adoption
Jeff is home,
Jeff is home!
He looks like crap
Total crap
But he is alive
Cheers to Jeff
Taco night at the Gunvalson's
Donn browns the meat
Briana arrives
Vicki frets
She will not buy the yacht
No, she will not buy the yacht
Victory for Donn and Briana
But beware,
Vicki really wants that yacht
Girls' weekend in Vegas
"Truce" they declare
Everyone smiles
except Vicki
who tries to fake it
By the poolJeana wants a man
Mmm, Jeana wants a man
Gretchen buys
a Hottie Whistle for Tamra
For once I agree with Vicki
ENOUGH with the hottie bizness
Gretchen has a killer bodyPerfect skin
Amazing
I hate her
but her fiance is dying
so I don't hate her too much
Blackjack table
Gretchen pretends she doesn't know how to play
Or count to 21
Vicki believes her
Joke's on you, Woo Hoo
Dinner for all
Gretchen says her favorite drink is
"bluecheesestuffedolivegreygoosedirtymartini"
Vicki seethes
Vicki accuses
"that's MY signature drink"
Gretchen is a copycat
Tamra agrees
so mothereffing stupid
Ladies hit the dance floor
Undulating cougars
Lynne's dress is up to her waist
Undulating cougars
Vicki flirting
Disrespecting Donn
Undulating cougars
Jeana shooting men down
Gretchen begging for attention
Tamra talking shit
Surprise
there is no truce
just undulating cougars
(and Gretchen)
10 comments:
You crack me up! "Joke's on you, Woo Hoo" was my favorite line! Great job!
I feel like I have my culture for the day, so I can watch Rock of Love: Tour Bus with no regrets. Ha, bleck!
But seriously, Tamra and Vicky get their g-strings in a wad anytime the attention sways from them and then they get all holier-than-thou. They're all hootchie mamas, roll with it!
awesome.
did you see that our lovely miss zoe went and TM'd her phrases? as in "Bananas" and "I die" are now officially licensed phrases.
she sent the dogs after the artist that made the "bananas" tshirt.
think I saw it on Perez
NO! That sucks. I am very disappointed.
Hysterical.
Poetry is so underrated.
Lynne's mom is the breakout star of this cesspool called Coto. Can we give her a reality show all her own?
That was lovely.
Note to Vicky: I just had a dirtymartiniwithbluecheesestuffedolives whatareyougonnadoaboutit,bitch?
HA! I had to stop and catch my breath after laughing til I cried. OK.....I have to read this again now.
Undulating Cougars. Except Gretchen.
I love it! :)
I want a bananas tshirt! No matter what copyrights I infringe upon...lol.
BRILLIANT!!!!!!! as usual!! I look forward to your recaps more than the actual show!
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