Thursday, May 14, 2009

"Tell me you're stopping with the Kelly because I CAN'T TAKE IT."


Not me, Ramoner. I say keep it coming! Just when I think Kelly can't get any dumber, SHE DOES. Bitch has the brain of an amoeba. A newborn amoeba! Everything out of her mouth is either completely irrelevant to the subject at hand or in direct contradiction to one of her previous irrelevant statements. Does that make sense, or did I somehow get transported into Kelly time? Listening to her speak causes my brain cells to shrivel up and beg for mercy.

Part 2 of the Real Housewives of New York City reunion was bananas. I could spend 10 hours trying to recount it and still not give you a good idea of how crazy bonkers it was, so let's just open it up for discussion.

Talking points:

1. Kelly's so "insular" (typically poor choice of wording), which is why she's on a reality show.

2. On Kelly's habit of not saying hi to people--Kelly says "what's the big deal?" and Bethenny has my favorite moment of the show, "It makes you a piece of shit, that's what's the big deal!" YES.

3. "I love to explore awesome people. I don't want to live in negative-town. I don't like fodder." a) Kelly IS fodder, and b) that quote needs to be on an effing t-shirt.

4. As you know, I am not the Countess' biggest fan, but I thought she handled herself pretty well in both Parts 1 and 2, and she asked Kelly the best and most pointed questions of the night. No disrespect to Andy Cohen. I LOVE YOU ANDY.


But I do agree that you could use a little haircut.

Do you think the Countess was really starting to cry when she put that pillow over her face?


5. Mario checking out the ladies (how did I miss that the first time around?) and Bethenny's "I think Mario wants to be a little star."

6. Ramoner's buggy eyes are apparently a sensitive subject?


7. Did Kelly say "when I went to the Brass Monkey and I saw the puss on her face"? (at the 1:45 mark HERE)

8. If I hear the word "branding" on any of these shows again, I will BLOW my BRAINS out.

9. Kelly's earnest "Normally I do. I do wear bras a lot."

10. I love Jill Zarin. So much.

11.
Kelly: I want to talk about interesting fun things.

Bethenny: Like stuff? Let's talk about STUFF.

Andy Cohen: We're going over what happened this season on the show.

Kelly: But I'm bored with it.

OMFG.

12. NYC Prep looks so TRASHY and that's why we're going to watch it.

13. Alex. Mute but for two sentences while trying to translate for the K-bomb.



MAZEL on finishing the season, everyone! Obviously I thought the best parts of the reunion were Kelly's. What do you think? What did I miss? Give it to me.

54 comments:

Anonymous said...

i'm a big fan of yours but i have to say...
go team rose colored glasses
why?
1) reality is relative - why is bethanney's reality more real than kelly's?
2) if i were stuck on an island - i'd rather the ditzy optimist over the negative nelly (since i'm not sure either would know how to build shelter anyway)
3) i'm not sure how bethanney's behavior was any better than anyone else's; i.e., blowing a gasket at a $140K event because someone was "talking behind your back"? not so swift.
4) and please - the woman is bright, good looking, has a killer bod and a best seller - ENJOY IT!
5) finally, she's found success and a boy - shouldn't that allow her to be slightly magnanimous?

yes. kelly has issues and needs a decoder ring or a translator but folks isn't running thru the fields (or in front of a cab) just slightly more original and potentially entertaining than crying in your skinnygirl (tm) cocktail?
just asking...

Michelle said...

Wow. Just wow.

My thoughts:

Ramoner is SUCH an instigator! Trying to hi-5 Bethenny. And yeah, the crazy eyes..ugh.

Kelly - um, yeah.

All in all, it was great/terrible. But at least they all admit how lame they are...well, kinda in a round about way towards the end.

And I love what you said about that prep show - TRASHY and we're totally watching. I agree SGM!

Oh and can't wait for your NJ recap!

Jane said...

I think the only "winner" here is Bravo (and sadly, I don't mean Andy because these bitches ignored his moderator status). The housewives came off terribly, I thought.

Amen to comment #1! As Alex pointed out, Kelly is inarticulate, but I haven't heard the back-biting comments and the sniping these other women have elevated to an art form. I think she's harmless...in her little rose colored glasses way and I tired of Bethenny repeatedly talking about Kelly being from another planet.

Ramona is out of control, Bethenny and Jill with their handholding solidarity? I thought it was beyond childish. I don't know why Bethenny gets the good edit....there was no reason for Bethenny to call Kelly a piece of shit.

I thought the Countess did well, especially since she was never my favorite, but GOOD GOLLY, what was it Ramona said about LuAnn grabbing someone's balls? Bahahahah.

These women harbor petty jealousies and imagined slights. It's sad to see a group with so much good fortune (money, looks, health) turn into a bunch of shreiking harpies who seemed better suited for Jerry Springer.

preppyplayer said...

Alex and Luann came off as class acts.
Jill a close second, ( I do wish her mother was there)
Ramona- no loyalty, no alliances- if she were on survivor? first one voted off!
Bethanny- a bit shrill and intense. I like her fun and glib.
Kelly? I actually think Alex got it right. Because she is SOOOO inarticulate there is bound to be misunderstandings. Not the brightest star in the sky, the sharpest tool in the shed...

KimT said...

4 - I think her breakup has brought out the real person in her
7 - Yes
10 - Absolutely. I want Jill Zarin as my mother. And her mother as my grandmother. I loved how she was holding Bethenny's hand while she was defending her.
13 - I thought Alex came off OK, even though she didn't talk much. She was articulate. Makes me realize how much of her other behavior just MAY be influenced by being around the hubby all the time.

Lolo said...

"No offense but I'm not taking relationship advice from you." made me nose snort. Snap!!

hello gorgeous said...

This has been bothering me from the beginning: who does Alex remind me of?

Clutch Cargo.

If you're not old enough to remember, focus on the mouth:

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_mo_gYhATNNM/R5wHa2842UI/AAAAAAAAAE4/f3DFbtXerSk/s400/clutchcargo.jpeg

freckledk said...

Alex didn't say a word for the first 31 minutes of the show but did very well for herself when chiming in. In her silence, she probably came off better than any of the others.

I wonder if Kelly will be back. She'd be an idiot to subject herself to another season. So I guess I just answered my own question: She'll be back.

Anonymous said...

OMG. There are no need for words, the still pics of Kelly say it all!!!!!

pam said...

Loved it!!! The thing that bothered me most was that they let poor Jill show her spanx over and over-production should have been on that...

Velvet said...

Freckled K told me I'm Bethenny. Oh no. Please. If I'm Bethenny, please someone slap me. I thought she was acting like a brat most of the season, talking behind everyone's back and having a tantrum at Jill's Charity Event was wholly inappropriate. The only one who called her out was Kelly (who I can't stand either) and Alex who probably is the classiest one on this show. Think about it. Alex never says anything bad about anyone. She's got grace nailed down.

So happy to see Luann be a human for once. I do believe that she doesn't know she's being condescending, because her surprised reaction looked genuine.

I think Ramona has got some bad hits of acid in her life. She's a mess.

Loved the jew-fro comment!

Anonymous said...

Kelly: We're exactly the same. You're a brunette and I'm a blonde.

Add this to the fact the Kelly is NOT a blonde and my IQ dropped a hundred points by listening to her, I honestly asked my boyfriend to punch me in the eye socket.

We both died when Bethenney did her impression of Kelly during their "talks". She should host SNL just once.

Anonymous said...

Another 'amen' to comment #1! Never would have thought I'd come away from the reunion show rooting for Team Rose Colored Glasses. Everyone else sank lower and lower in my eyes, save Alex, who pretty much solidified for me that she is the only truly decent and sane one.

Dobbygirl said...

I too love Jill Zarin and decided that when Kelly talked I would just think about Jill's earrings that she was wearing (which were beyond divine). Kelly obviously has issues with women, I don't think she understands what being a "girl's girl" is. And if she said "interesting" or "awesome" one more time I was gonna puke. She tries to use big words (that she doesn't understand) to make herself feel smarter. Hon, you are dumb and have gotten by on your looks your whole life, own it.
Ramoner needs serious therapy/meds.

I'm with you on NYC Prep - my ass will be glued to the sofa for that one!

Anonymous said...

You know, I really think Kelly saying she sees the world through "rose colored glasses" is total bullshit. She sees the world through "kelly colored glasses." She has what I like to call "Red Carpet Syndrome" combined with the "Its my birthday syndrome." These people, who were usually born gorgeous, think of them selves as the star of their lives. The red carpet has always been rolled out for them and they have no problem stepping right onto it. Kelly also thinks every day is her birthday, IE every single moment of her live, and time she goes to a party, she makes herself the center of attention as if it were her birthday.

She is torture.

freckledk said...

Velvet is the Bethenny and I am the Jill (only without the awesome mom and with better home decorating choices).

SGM said...

It's My Birthday Syndrome. Anon 8:31, I think I'm in love with you. That is the very best way EVER to describe Kelly. She thinks everyone is in her orbit.

Team Kelly--I just don't understand. I respect your opinion, but I don't understand.

Anonymous said...

"I like the world I live in" (all by myself, in Kelly World.)
That said it all to me.
Ann

Anonymous said...

I wouldn't identify as "Team Kelly," but taking a shower this morning, I tried to remember the last time a bunch of ladies jangled my nerves....and I realized it was the OC Reunion.

I thought Lynne was harmless and sweet. Clueless, but not at anyone's expense. For a season, Tamra and Vicki mocked her terribly.

I feel similarly with Kelly and as I took my shower, I realized, Kelly could have been Mother Theresa, or anyone...it's the "Mama dogs" who feel "ownership" and when someone new joins the cast, they haze the new girl.

Shades of accusing Gretchen of being inauthentic OFF the show were thrown at Kelly last night, yet only Ramona mentioned the Countess was living a lie and they all knew it.

Think for a second---had the original cast been Kelly instead of Bethenny and Bethenny joined season two, do you think her act would fly?

Anonymous said...

I don't think Kelly would have been in Season 2 had she ben in Season 1, with or without Bethenny. The problem isn't Kelly vs. anyone else, it's Kelly. For whatever reason, she feels the need to live in her own world of reality which doesn't make her a good member of a group and, as Alex so brilliantly pointed out, she's inarticulate, (to put it mildly), which makes it difficult to again, be part of a group.
Ann

Anonymous said...

Sorry to follow up, but NONE of these girls are "team" players, hence Zill Zarin shreiking, "It's my day," LuAnn at the cancer society, "It's my day," Bethenny with the retouching cover, "LuAnn ruined my day," Ramona and the tennis match, "Simon ruined my event."

True, I can't understand a word Kelly is trying to say, but in the end, wasn't the reunion really the right hand couch telling Kelly, "WE are up here and you are on another planet?"

Jilly in Idaho said...

I love the original bunch, they didn't improve the show with psycho Kelly. She was just a distraction and didn't really want to join the 'group'. She never seemed to get the premise of the show and had never seen it before joining (?), which is another bizarre aspect of her. She can't answer a straight question coherently and talks in circles and thinks she makes total sense while everyone else looks at her stunned. I don't know what she thought they all got together for; she couldn't even grasp the point of the reunion show.

I love Team Jill with Bethenny, the Countess and Alex. Ramoner is wacky enough and provides enough off the wall stuff for the group. Her googly eyes just adds to her crazy.

They'll probably bring Kelly back anyway because they get so much mail about her. The other ladies have her figured out and don't want to put up with her shit but will be forced to. With her insincere 'hiiiieeees' that only dogs can hear and her convoluted thought process they'll roll their eyes and have to ignore her psychosis.

Tiffaney said...

Kelly, here's a nice big word you should try to use, mainly when talking about your favorite subject (you): NARCISSIST.

Jane said...

Re: the show's ending..? When did Gloria become a saint? Any viewers from season one recall when Gloria went dress shopping with Jill and there was tension because Gloria "can be" very vocal and opinionated? Jill was on edge the whole visit and seemed to think her mom was closer with her sister in CT?

This season, she pops in and gives Bethenny some much-needed advice and we end a two hour fight-festival with a tip of the hat to Saint Gloria?

I know Jill got Gloria the advice column in the NY Daily News & on her blog, she posted: Contact Andy and have him bring my mom on the Reunion...

Actually, now that I think of it, she may have handled the crazy fights better than Andy and his Excedrin headache, but does anyone else remember Jill's mom, season 1?

Cafe Cyan said...

Jane - that was totally what I was thinking, "When did Gloria become a saint?"

Anon 10:32 - You're right, Lynne was harmless and sweet, but Kelly is not harmless and sweet. She's mean and rude.

Michelle - Ramona IS such an instigator...it seems that most words out of her mouth are a dig at someone else.

Loved the 2 part reunion. Hope Kelly doesn't come back though. She's out of place.

Melanie said...

I was laughing out loud the whole time I was reading this. I can't believe that Kelly can NOT put a sentence together and she doesn't even get what every one is talking about. She is totally crazy. As far as the countess, she showed a different side last night and I liked it. She was calling people out. Poor Alex, she couldn't get a word in and I can't wait until next season.

Sister Wolf said...

Kelly is the stupidest bitch I have ever seen in my very long life. She's a gift from god. Even my husband gets off from hating her.

A friend said this to me, about Kelly, after seeing an episode for the first time the other day: "I didn't understand there were people like that."

Hahahha! ME NEITHER!

Great job you are doing here. xo

Brittany said...

I must watch. Oh my goodness. I have no DVR. BOO.

And I will be watching NYC Prep. And I pretty much hate the Jersey girls. They make my state look like shit, to be honest.

Anonymous said...

Why does Kelly get eaten alive for wanting to keep some things private (ie current status w/ Max) but DeLeSchlep not only gets a pass but the B love-pat when tearing up that there are some things in her life that need to be kept private??

I was salivating when Kelly finally began to articulate this point when she says, 'wait a minute, you people keep talking about inauthenticity, being disingenuious, etc....here it comes, i can taste it...drumroll...she's gonna nail the point....and then, ...'but i'm just bored with this, really'. No hope...my mouth went dry.

Anonymous said...

@anon 8:55, anon #1 here -
totally hear you - kelly was almost, so close, so on, telling them "WTF?" but she lost it... bummer...

that said, how much were they paid?
jill mentioned in an article that for the first season it was enough "to buy a handbag" and that the second season was enough to "buy a handbag and go on vacation"

with regard to kelly and season three, remember how beat up alex was in season one (thanks, in part, to bethenny and the "go big or go home") - she came back and looked almost "normal" compared to the rest.
just saying...

Chloé said...

OMG You *all* must watch this. God bless Bravo for putting up extra scenes from the reunion. Listen to what Jill tells Kelly and watch K's reaction: http://www.bravotv.com/the-real-housewives-of-new-york-city/videos/voting-off

Jane said...

OMG! I was reading Jill's blog on Bravo's site and she reveals that Ramoaner was a little nervous that Bethenny would unleash some scary info she has on Ramona, that apparently Bethenny keeps in her "vault."

I did notice Bethenny tell Ramona, when Ramona brought up all-things-Countess-sham-marriage, "Do you wanna go there?"

I think it's crappy Jill would put that on a blog (for Ramona to see) but not unveil whatever truth lies in Bethenny's vault.

Any guesses? All I could see in Bethenny's blog was a snipe about Ramona needing Mario to help with her dosages because she didn't know if Ramona was on too many or not enough meds. Oh, to know the skeletons of Ramona...

Anonymous said...

Re Cloe's clip: I actually feel sorry for Kelly. No one likes to be told they don't fit in. No one likes to be excluded, even Kelly. In that instance, it was (especially) just like junior/high school.
Ann

TheCurvyGirl said...

I love your blog! I just watched part #2 of this debacle...how many times can Kelly say AMAZING??? I love the words that she pulls out of her rear...fodder? Hahahah!!!!

Kalee said...

I'm a military wife overseas, so had to wait on iTunes, but finally watched it today. Holy hell! Kelly drives me up the freaking wall because she tends to pick up on one word and overuse it (i.e. inappropriate and insular), sometimes incorrectly.

As to the whole thing about her private life with Max, versus Luann's private life I think they are nothing alike. Kelly said herself that she wanted to bring Max onto the show, so she has no right to get all pissy and say crap about her personal life when she wanted him in the public eye! Suck it up and talk about him like a normal person.

Luann was not my favorite, in fact as a person who is big on etiquette her oftentimes lack of it annoyed me. But wanting to keep a nasty divorce off the show (she never avoided talking about it, it simply wasn't filmed) is justifiable to me because who wants their kids to look back at a filmed time of their lives and see their parents going at it full force? I think that's a private matter, that she talks about, but doesn't have all this screaming on film.

Overall, I really just cannot wait to see if they start getting more real next season. We know you don't like each other, now show it!

Tracey said...

On Kelly’s donation to her charity auction:
“She did something nice by getting her ex-husband Gilles [Bensimon] to donate a photo shoot — but he hasn’t done it. It’s a problem. He says he’s going to do it now. We had to return the money, and if he does do it, obviously we’ll get the money back. But I had to return the money to the family because I’m not going to hold someone’s money. It’s been very difficult. Her heart was in the right place, so I don’t want to beat her up.”

Jessica said...

I had a really hard time watching this the first time. The second time we watched it after drinking for 5 hours...and it was so hilarious.

I think that Kelly thinks that Jill's name is Jillzarin. Like one word. Apparently she must be scared of Jill, becuase she has not one bad thing to say about her...even after Jill was making fun of her.

I love Bethanny even more now...she was made for this. I have a feeling she has some TV time in her future even after this show is over.

I also liked Alex's two sentance interpretation of the season. She may be smarter than we think...

My favorite part was Kelly telling Jillzarin that she loved her not becuase she was kind, smart, loving, or generous but because has a diamond the size of an eyeball...

Jessica said...

Oh and we paused Kelly on the exact same moment and laughed at it for 20 minutes. I am going to print out that picture and hang it in my office...

Naz said...

It does seem that Kelly is afraid of "Jillzarin". I'd be more afraid of Gloria if I were her.

Props to Alex for behaving like a lady in this whole thing.

The Lil Bee said...

I don't think I've ever read each and every comment from a post, but this was pure entertainment! I love love love it. Love the Jillzarin being one word, love the OC/NYC comparison (great insight), and love the "I don't like fodder" tee. Can someone PLEASE manufacture that puppy?

Karen said...

Did anyone notice in the recap of LuAnn doing the etiquette lunch that her daughter is chewing like a cow with her mouth wide open? I happened to miss that episode during the season and was baffled.
I found myself talking fast and furious at my boyfriend after both the finale episodes ended. Those ladies are crazy.
And thanks for using that image of Kelly. I couldn't stop laughing at that when I watched it.

Lyndsy said...

OMG this reunion was ridic! Ramona is a crazy eyed killa and Kelly! Good lord don't even get me started. That bitch is NUTS! Always get such a laugh from your posts! And I love me some Jill as well!

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