Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Are you watching enough reality tv?

I'm worried that you're not. Getting ahead in the business world (and life in general) means being able to use cultural references and speak about them intelligently. You cannot do this without being well-versed in reality tv. For example, imagine having dinner with some important clients when the subject of restraining orders and Kristy Jo (Rock of Love 2) comes up. You'll need to understand and contribute to what is being said.* It could be the difference between a cubicle and a corner office, or as reality tv watchers would say, the difference between that idiot Kendra from The Girls Next Door and Tim Gunn on Project Runway.

Are you concerned that you didn't fully understand that last sentence? Don't worry. I have a short quiz that will determine whether you are deficient in your reality tv viewing.


1. Give yourself 1 point for identifying this woman by name, and 1 point if you think she is too cute to be with that dude who got her knocked up.

2. One point for this man's first name. Hint: he's a douche and he has an awful accent, yet I'd probably do him if I were single.

3. One point for first name, another point for last name. Hint: look for him to be on Celebrity Rehab 2. Just kidding, Jeffrey (oops! freebie for you), and I would totally wear your clothes if I could pull off the rocker chick look in the 'burbs.

4. For most of you, this will be an easy one. One point for her first name and one point (to be awarded in the future) if you can predict when her marriage will end. For the record, I hope it's not anytime soon. I'm rooting for you, girl!

5. One point for identifying this guy by name. Give yourself another point if you find him crazy attractive even though he's mean and unattainable (gay).

6. Give yourself one point for identifying him by name. Also give yourself a point if you at least said to yourself "Oh! I know him. He's that little person on that TLC show who was arrested for drunk driving and I can't wait to see how that shit went down!"

7. One point for her first and last name, another point if you can tell me whether her first name starts with a "K" or a "C." Hint: she's the mama of the massive badonkadonk.

8. Last one! One point if you know her (stage) name; minus one point if you have watched her show. I am not one to judge a person's tv watching, but really. You should not be watching this ode to Jerry Springer. It is beneath you.

Congratulations! You have completed your testing. Answers are as follows (don't cheat because you're only cheating yourself):

1. Kat Von D from LA Ink

2. CT from The Real World, Paris and countless Real World-Road Rules challenges.

3. Jeffrey Sebelia, Project Runway Season 3 villain and winner.

4. Lauri Waring from Real Housewives of Orange County.

5. Jeff Lewis from Flipping Out.

6. Matt Roloff from Little People Big World.

7. Kris (Kardashian) Jenner from Keeping Up with the Kardashians. With a "K," just like the rest of the women in her family.

8. Tila Tequila. A link is not necessary.


There are 13 possible points.

If you scored anywhere from 10 - 13, congratulations! Are you the CEO of your company yet? Your reality tv knowledge is excellent.

If your score was below 10, don't be discouraged; I can help! You could really benefit from my upcoming post "The Essential Guide to Reality TV Watching."

So? How well did you do?

* An appropriate thing to say in this situation would be "she looks normal but she is one crazy bitch! Why is Brett keeping her around?" You can say "bitch" if the setting is casual, but use your own judgment. Another option would be to say "bleep."


zakary said...

I scored 100%. And I loathe Tila Whatshernuts. I watch a lot of TV while I'm feeding the baby. Perhaps I should start watching something a little more educational. Naahhh.

Paloma said...

I scored a 12. I love me some reality television, especially that of the Bravo variety!

The Nerdy Fashionista said...

5, but only because I watch so much What Not to Wear that I know pretty much I ever wanted to know about LA Ink simply by virtue of the commercials. I think Kat is CRAZY hot, and that dude she's with is gnarly.

Brilliant Asylum said...

WTF? Why can't remember half of their names? I guess that goes to show how much "learning" I am doing while watching this genre. Can I make it up with bonus points for checking the Veriya website on a regular basis? (My addiction extends beyond the remote control.)

mamacita said...

Sadly, I am the Kendra of reality television viewers. I never watch any of these shows, actually, because I am always engaged in other high brow pursuits.

Um, yeah. It's not at all because I don't have the patience to sit through all the stupid previews. You know the formula: 20 minutes of "what's gonna happen on this episode," with frequent references to the same before every commercial, then 10 minutes of stuff actually happening, then another 15 minutes of "what's gonna happen on the next episode." That shit drives me BANANAS.

However, years (and years) of college taught me how to fake my way through a discussion about these things. Who said those English classes had no practical application?

karey m. said...

you think ct has an awful accent?

what does that say about me that i love me some dumb-boston-thug talk?!

SGM said...

Zakary and Paloma, Great work! This test was hugely biased, so for you to score such a high score is really impressive.
Nerdy--I love WNTW! I will watch a rerun of that over most other shows! Do you ever watch the BBC version? Did you see that Trinny got implants?!
BA--just test anxiety, don't worry. I know you're a tv watcher.
Mamacita--I love the idea of faking it! It is always appropriate to say "What a nutjob!" and raise your eyebrows in regard to any reality show discussion.
Karey! Have you met Elaine over at Girl Gone Child? She loves Mark Wahlberg and is totally turned on by the Boston accent.

paigepop said...

Awesome quiz SGM! I got an 11. That pic of CT is hilarious!

Richie Designs said...

11 pts not too shabby.

Was the Roloff guy really arrested for DUI? I missed that show. kinda bums me out if so.

mamacita said...

Wait -- Trinny got implants?! I loved that show, but it hasn't been on in a while, has it?

SGM said...

I haven't seen it in a while either, but I was hoping that Susannah and Trinny were still on somewhere!

Re the boob job: I saw of pic of her with "prosthetic" boobs (32D, up from 32A). I thought that prosthetic was just how Brits refer to implants, but as I researched this for Mamacita, I discovered that Trinny's prosthetic boobs are temporary. They look like the real thing but it's just temporary and done with make-up, etc.

Google "Trinny inspects the work" and you will see her ... prosthetics.

SGM said...

Temporary, temporary, temporary.

I must remember to proofread my comments about temporary boobs.

Jessica Claire said...

I love Kat Von D purely for her obsession with her sphynx cat, Ludwig.

My Ms. Miu follows me everywhere around my house so I so feel her!

Trenches of Mommyhood said...

Came here via Petunia Face! Love your writing!

No Big Brother?? I'd take Matt over CJ (I live outside Boston).

Pink Wallpaper said...

my husband has to make a plea at night "let's not watch reality tv shannon"....girlfriend, i rocked your quiz!