Monday, February 11, 2008

Good fun at Lucky's expense

Despite my long-standing (4 month) feud with Lucky magazine*, I occasionally visit its website to see if I'm missing anything. Every once in a while, something cute will catch my eye and I'll consider reconciling with Lucky. I had a moment like that when I saw Rachel Bilson on the cover of the most recent issue (love her!).

When will I ever learn? Just when I start to trust Lucky again, it does something stupid. Behold, Lucky's new "contest":

I know that I have consciously felt sorry for the poor fashion writer who has to describe similar-looking shoes in 52 different yet appealing ways. Apparently Lucky feels badly for that person too, so they want us to do the work with only a slim chance of meager compensation, lots of limits on the words you can use, and no health insurance. The nerve! Check out the rules:

I swear that every single issue of Lucky that I've ever seen has included all of those banned words and phrases, am I right? Also, these are the only two rules. There's no info about when it's due or whether the "winner" will get credit for her captions. I love all of this vagueness! Lucky is such a great boss!

Lucky has balls. Big balls, my friends and it deserves to be knocked down a notch. Here's my plan: no one on the earth enters the contest except for me, and then Lucky will be forced to accept my captions or make its own gd employee do her own gd work. It's brilliant, isn't it?

This is a sample of what I will be submitting (click to enlarge):


Peep-toe slingbacks:


Satin platforms:


You know, that was actually very fun (apologies to the innocent shoes). Forget my plan, all of us should make up ridiculous captions and submit them. Then Lucky will pay a real employee to read our entertaining yet useless entries.

Lucky, thank you for this opportunity to make fun of you yet again. No hard feelings, huh? It's all in whimsical blingy adorable really cool fun.


*Lucky's transgressions are as follows:
1. Treats subscribers as if they've had lobotomies
2. Is cruel to its own staff (who incidentally have no clue)
3. Had Nicole Richie on its cover at her skinniest
4. Encourages readers to look like hookers

22 comments:

Forever Chic said...

oh my god - this is genius. I'm definitely going to enter.

Someone could enter using LOLCats-style text. "I can haz bunions?!"

Anonymous said...

How about "Whore is the new black"?

ATC said...

I love it! Esp. the "looks like Payless but it's Juicy"!!! Funny!!!

SGM said...

See???? The possibilities are endless! The more I think about it, the more I crack up.

Anonymous said...

"Pretty Enough for Beyoncé, Strong Enough for a Drag Queen."

Anonymous said...

"Ah will cutchu!"

Anonymous said...

"Suck these, Decorno"



(sorry Decs, it was purely business)

Anonymous said...

"Almost 100 percent leather! Don't be hatin'."

Anonymous said...

"Hide toe fungus once and for all."

The Nerdy Fashionista said...

"I can haz bunions?" = PURE GENIUS!

mamacita said...

"Crush the peasants beneath you."
"Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?"
"Seriously even we wouldn't wear these."
"I've been tested."

Oh God, I could do this all day.

SGM said...

You're all funnier than I am--my faves are toe fungus, crush the peasants and of course, bunions.
Seriously, we should enter. I think the Lucky judge would find it hilarious.

Elaine said...

My love,

Elaine desperately needs a new look. Well, really any look. I have no taste. Perhaps this could be a win-win for both of us: you could avoid spending and devote that time to helping me look better. I get depressed at all the mommy and me groups we go to - everyone looks so much better than moi.

Love and kisses,

Elaine

kelly said...

i LOVE your blog, and just forwarded your link to all by bitchy friends... :)

this post made me laugh out loud (multiple times). thank you! thank you! thank you!

Anonymous said...

"I got these for free!" --Starr Jones

style & grace said...

I hate Lucky. H-A-T-E

Brilliant Asylum said...

I don't know how anyone can top lol cats, but I do like your idea of pointing out how none of these shoes are worth their ridiculously overinflated pricetag.

Richie Designs said...

I still get this sorry ass magazine. the sad part is all of the pieces they pick are FUGLY!

I mean there are a bizzillion cute pair of shoes out there and they pick the Juicy that look like Payless?
[which they do]

beachbungalow8 said...

ech. i those shoes are hid.

Sucker For Marketing said...

See thru gellies really ARE back in!

Who Sees the Seven... said...

A-ma-zing. Amazing. Send them off to Lucky, please? And then scan a copy of the letter that they send back to you and share with us. Can you even IMAGINE what the editors would say? Oh please, I speak for all of your readers, please submit the shoe descriptions.

Anonymous said...

Headline:
Skanktastic Shoes