Wednesday, February 6, 2008

For your own good, put down any food you might be eating


I was going to do this big ol' post on Celebrity Rehab and how repulsively awesome it is, but then life intervened.

My children and I went out to eat tonight with some of my friends and their kids. We have some weird food issues here at chez SGM, and my kids don't eat much sugar or dairy. So tonight, all of the other kids were getting ice cream sundaes. Everyone orders the small ones, except for me. I order the kid-sized ones because I assume that they'd be extra-small, and my kids won't eat much anyway. Totally wrong on both counts. The "kids" size ice cream sundae comes in a grande cup, filled to the brim. WTF, Applebee's?

So I give my 3 year old her strawberry ice cream sundae, thinking that she will stop after a few bites. She's always a good little self-regulator. But then I look over after about 2 minutes and she has eaten pretty much the entire thing. She is a tiny, petite girl with a nasty ol' cheeseburger already in her tummy and I become filled with dread. I know what's coming.

A few minutes later, she does the expected. She barfs. Not her entire meal, just fountains of pink ice cream. And then the little girl across from her sees this and starts barfing too, a simple chain reaction. Like that scene in Stand By Me. I laugh helplessly at the awfulness of it all, and my other friend with the throwing up kid starts laughing, and our kids are crying. And I just don't know how I'm going to make it to my car, which is far away, and it's about 2 degrees out, and my coat and hers are covered in pink vomit. Plus I have a 6 year old who is running around like a chicken (literally, "bawk bawk" and all), high as a kite on sugar.

I have good friends. They're all trying to help clean up, which mortifies me. So I am holding my pukey kid, trying to clean so my friends won't do it. They finally convince me to just leave and on my way out the door I yell "Give her a big tip! $100! I'll pay you back! I am so sorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry!"

By the time we run through freaking Antarctica (props to my 6 year old who actually kept up with me) and arrive at our car, my 3 year old has totally recovered and is recounting her night: "I hate barfing! I barfed so much in there! That scared me so much! Can I have a snack when we get home? I am so cold! I hate barfing!"

Lordy be. Now everyone is in bed, and I am headed that way too. My take on Celebrity Rehab will just have to wait, but try to catch it tomorrow night on VH1 because some major shiz is about to go down. I am rubbing my hands in anticipation; it's going to be that good.

See you tomorrow!

Thanks to HoldThatTiger for the photo

16 comments:

Tara said...

Your post is a riot! My daughter once overdid it at the Country Buffet forever now known in the family as the Country Barfet restaurant! Ah, well, all this stuff happens, laughing it off is best...and it makes a great family story to tell her fiance someday!

paigepop said...

You are killing me! I laughed out loud through that whole story! This reminds me of the time I was "That Kid" and barfed up peanut M&Ms and Root Beer in the middle of the mall in front of Glamour Shots. Yes, Glamour Shots. God bless my mother.

amber said...

That barfing story was so right on...and I've been there except in my version, I am also throwing up because I just can't help it when that smell comes my way. Pretty much an awful, barfing situation any way you look at it. Oh, kids, you gotta love 'em.

In(side) the Loop said...

I am not kidding...I am crying right now. I just read the story outloud to my husband so he could laugh with me. So freaking hilarious! I love you and your blog!!!

I am Trish Marie said...

My youngest chokes constantly. To the point of throwing up. Chips are the worst. But she LOVES them. Living in Houston, we eat Mexican food about every three seconds, as there are ninety different Mexican resturants within walking distance. Problem is. Chips. On the table. With queso. I leave covered in vomit almost everytime.

Richie Designs said...

OMG that's funny. Poor little thing. Glad she recovered quickly. You I'm sure not so much!

Anonymous said...

Girl, you gotta get published.

BonjourBruxelles said...

It's the look on the face, isn't it? That blank, oh-my-god-I'm-gonna-blow face that only a 2 or 3 or a 4 year old can elicit and I think only Moms know what comes immediately after that face.

(and truth be told I have to fight that immediate reaction of wanting to flee with a quick self-pep talk of, "no, you must help your poor, innocent, vomiting child")

My son will binge and purge on french fries to this very day. My sweet, little bulimic.

Meg said...

Ah, the joys of kids puking. Good times. And it looks like you post brings back memories for everyone who reads it (I'm presently thinking of a fun, fun, fun time in LAX with my boy, while we changed planes in the middle of the night, in which we had to stop at every other trash can between gates for him). Great post, even if I don't see myself ordering a strawberry sundae anytime soon.

SGM said...

Ah, everyone has a good barfing story, don't they? It sucks to be the mom in those instances.
I just thank God that I was not Paige's mom in front of Glamour Shots! M&Ms and root beer--bad, bad, bad.
Bonjour Bruxelles, mine puts the tips of her fingers to her mouth very daintily and starts mewling. Then I know it's coming.

The Nerdy Fashionista said...

oh lord, I laughed my ass off at this post...

Petunia Face said...

For me it was barfing birthday cake at Walmart. Mmmmm, mmm good!

Paloma said...

OMG! I just laughed so hard that my stomach hurts! The image of them throwing up simultaneously cracks me up. My friend and I were having lunch with her two year old son once and he threw up ungodly amounts of stuff. I felt horrible because I couldn't help but laugh! I couldn't figure out how such a small kid could vomit THAT much!

JJ said...

First I must say, Poor little one! How terrible!

Next I must say, that is fucking terribly hilarious.

Finally, I must say, that I feel sorry for my mom now that I've read your post. I am allergic to nuts and we didn't know it until I barfed all over a mexican restaurant, the Houston Galleria, the choir pulpet at church, my uncle's car, etc. etc.

Now I need to go watch Dr. Drew because I am so way behind and you're going to scoop me tomorrow, I just know it.

Suzy said...

I just had to read that out to my husband too! Boy, the joys of parenthood hey, I can't wait!

katiedid said...

Hilarious! It has been awhile, but I remember those days. :)
I remember going to a very upscale restaurant in Napa. My daughter apparently loved their bread and started stuffing every bit she could get her hand on in her mouth. And, voila! bread pudding all over the floor.