Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Living the Dream

Exciting news everyone! I'm packing up my earthly belongings and heading to Manhattan to pursue my dream as a Real Housewife of NYC. The show's producers are looking for a new cast member who is a "high rolling social butterfly juggling the ups and downs of family life along with a high-powered career and a social calendar to die for." Can you believe it?! THAT'S TOTALLY ME (minus the high-powered career and social calendar to die for part). I have already called the Real Housewives Hotline (so impressive--the woman on the recording has a classy English accent) and am just waiting for a call back. I am brimming with confidence; I am so perfect for this show!

To the Real Housewives of NYC producers: You won't regret it! I have all sorts of stunts ready to go--for example, I will demand to be called "Princess" (LuAnn will lose her shit) and I will try to seduce Simon (if that doesn't work, I will have my husband try to seduce Simon). I also promise to get into some sort of physical altercation with that skank Ramoner. I have much more in store but am keeping it under my hat until I am officially selected.

To Jill and Bethenny: Mama's coming, girls! Can't wait to meet you in person and have you show me the ropes in Manhattan society. Bethenny, my kids and I are going to stay at your place during try-outs if that's okay. I can't wait for you to cook for us!

To rest of you--thank you so much for your support. I will fly you all out to my new house in the Hamptons for the Season 2 finale. Cristal and "Team SGM" shirts for everyone!

Be sure to catch the RHNYC "Lost Footage" episode on May 27 (thanks to Brilliant Asylum for the tip-off).

Ciao, my dears!

Thanks to www.marcelafae.com for the "NYC or bust" photo.


Leslie (Reclaiming Miss Havisham) said...

I'm so excited for you!! I once had dreams of being the first female member of the Blue Man Group but it turns out I'm not tall enough and I have no percussion skills. Way to think your goals through better than I did!

megan said...

I'm calling them on your behalf, you have my vote.

Jessie said...

Ha! Good job "photoshopping" your face in.

Have you decided what your drink is going to be yet? SGM's take on the skinny girl margarita? C'mon, what would it be?!

muranogirl said...

You are just too damned funny!

Love how the Ricochette posting states, "women with an abundance of personality and style." The emphasis on "abundance" not quality! You gotta believe the Jersey housewives definitely have an abundance of style and personality as well!
If they are looking for another housewife, could that mean that one of the original gals is not returning?

mamacita said...

Obviously, SGM is bringing the jello shots. Sugar-free jello, so Bethenny will partake.

We all bow before your MS Paint skills.

karey m. said...

why did i lose it when you wrote that you're brimming with confidence?!

this post is so happy and hopeful...just look at the number of exclamation points!! i, for one, will participate in any and all campaigns to get you on that show.

either that one, or work out.

Habitually Chic said...

You crack me up! If you are coming to NYC, then we definitely have to grab a drink. Just don't expect me to appear on camera. You're on your own there!

Paloma said...

How exciting! Knock 'em dead!

SGM said...

Leslie, that's dicsrimination! Hire yourself a lawyer! I bet your sister would be up for this.

Megan, I would really appreciate that! Although I feel pretty good about being cast, it never hurts to get another good word in.

Jessie, I have to agree with Mamacita about the sugar free jello shots, but I would make them with grain alcohol.

Muranogirl, I was wondering that too. I like the original cast. Alex must stay; I have to see how she tries to repair her image.

Karey, I'm afraid Work Out is a lost cause (unless I appear as a Sky Labber, but I am really aiming for more airtime). I appreciate your support; I can tell that it is heartfelt. I haven't heard back about RH yet, but it's only a matter of time.

Habitually, actually I was going to try to convince you to try out too. PLEASE? It would be so much fun!

Paloma, it's great to have the support of my friends. Thank you.

design - 59 said...

Please, Please, Please go for it! You would have my vote. I'm ready for it to come on again I miss your follow-ups!

Brilliant Asylum said...

Don't forget about us when you become famous and start a line of bedazzled tank tops! Team SGM!

katiedid said...

I am so watching you give Ramoner a swift kick. Maybe you and HC can help out poor Alex with her house. I wouldn't ask, but I worry about her kids. I can hardly wait!