Monday, June 16, 2008

I didn't get murdered!

Thanks to all of you who gave me the excellent advice and encouragement for my camping trip last weekend. I actually had a great time, and I didn't even drink any alcohol (I had to keep my senses sharp in the event of murderers and BEARS, which I totally forgot about). I did get painfully cold at night and suffered from lack of pillow, but it was overshadowed by the beautiful scenery, fresh air and delicious food prepared by my sister-in-law, who is the Martha Stewart of camping (who knew?!).

That's a real photo of MS camping. She has a recipe for campfire hot dogs. I'm not even kidding.

I have basically ignored the mountains for most of the 15 years I have lived here because every time I go up, it's increasingly crowded, commercial and pricey, and that's not fun. Now I realize that I just haven't been going to the right places. Lord knows that I will never be the type to strap slick boards on my feet and plunge down a snowy mountain in the freezing cold, but hiking here in the warm sunshine with the fam and coming back to eat a baloney sandwich* and cherries? I can do that.

Here's one quick story: Our whole group hiked for 3 miles to the most beautiful panoramic view in the whole wide world. It was also possible to be a cheater and drive to this beautiful panoramic view, which is how we ran into a group of old people there. They were very sweet and chatty and one of the old men offered to take our picture. Now this is when you're thinking that the old person somehow fucks up our camera or our photo. Nope. He does a fantastic job, and as soon as he gives the camera back to me, my 6 year old announces "Ladies and gentlemen! Let's give a big hand to the OLD PEOPLE for taking our picture!"

Thank God old people can't hear.

I will leave you with a true and authentic picture of Frank's butt. Drink it up, ladies and gay dudes, because I am sure that I will be forced to take it down once he realizes that it's up.


*It's probably been 20 years since I've had a baloney sandwich, and I'd just like to report that it was awesome.

*UPDATE* Due to overwhelming positive response, Frank has requested that his money shot NOT be removed.

18 comments:

karey m. said...

frank's bum and baloney?

i can't choose.

megan said...

Am I posting on SGM or The Pioneer Woman?

maria said...

wait. she LOOKS just like martha stewart. i'm totally jealous.

mamacita said...

You're looking at Frank's bum, aren't you? Cheeky monkey!

Sarah's Fab Day said...

I'm glad you had a wonderful time you wilderness lover!

Petunia Face said...

Frank's Bum and Baloney and Bears, Oh My!

Glad you're back in one piece.

katiedid said...

I love that your sweet child said that. Ha Ha!I hate bears too....after we had one walk right between me and my kids last time we camped in bear country, I said...next time camping at the beach only, preferably in the yard of the Mendecino cottage we will be renting.

Courtney said...

That ass pic is the money shot! Love it.

Sucker For Marketing said...

Thank GOD you are home! I missed you cruising the honky tonk at the river fest this weekend, but will see you on your next adventure over July 4th!

I *Heart* You said...

you haven't had to take the pic of frank's ass down yet!! good for you! :)

glad you are back and have bought yourself another year of sleeping indoors with central air and no bugs.

Decorno said...

Nice ass, Frank.

bill said...

Frank is hot!

SGM said...

I'm telling you, you could bounce a quarter off that ass! I'm glad he let me leave it up. Your comments, and compliments, are sincerely appreciated. :)

alis said...

How about spiders? How did you manage to avoid them? I would have never been able to sleep without plugging my ears with cotton balls. Not after all the stories about spiders laying eggs in ppl's ears. Not having any headaches, are you ? :)

SGM said...

Alis, normally a comment like that would have me pouring something mildly toxic in my ears but we had borrowed a state-of-the-art tent. Zippers everywhere! The first time I left the door unzipped, Frank told me "really, that's how spiders get in." Only had to tell me once.

Leslie (Miss Havisham) said...

I just made the picture of Frank's butt the desktop background on my computer.

Jessie said...

Work it, Frank.

JJ said...

I don't know why you haven't had Frank's ass on display in any earlier posts. Why wasn't there a post strictly *about* Frank's ass? What good is your blog if there's no Frank's ass? What exactly are you doing here?

(These are serious things I'd rather think about than the 100 page contract on which I am working.)