Friday, June 6, 2008

"I don't know if Jackie is used to seeing weiner in tight shorts..."

Mmmm, I love the word weiner! Not used nearly enough, if you ask me. The quote above is from Gregg Not Plitt, who is pictured below dressed as a very effeminate, jazzercize-is-my-life gay man. Why? Because he was forced to tryout for Jackie's workout dvd and didn't give a shit whether he made the cut or not. Plus, I suspect he's tired of being "the other Greg" and was looking for a little attention.

Well done, Gregg Not Plitt, but I have to tell you that I got even more pleasure from Greg Plitt's comment "he looked like a black Richard Simmons." So true, and just like that, Greg Plitt directs the spotlight back to him.

Here's what you need to know about this week's Work Out.

1. The show opens with Jackie's dvd producer and choreographer waiting to meet with her. Jackie's running late, and so the producer and the choreographer use that time to talk about how Jackie has no idea the work that's involved in the dvd. Then we see the producer about to leave, explaining that Jackie is 1 1/2 hours late. The producer is highly annoyed, and who wouldn't be? At that moment, Jackie struts in, no apology is offered, and she's totally not prepared for the meeting. To the camera, she says something like "I'm 20 minutes late; deal with it." Twenty minutes? LIAR. I believe the producer's 1 1/2 hour estimate on this one. Then Jackie blah blah blahs about how busy and important she is and no has ever been so busy and important in the history of the world. Jackie, this argument might hold some weight if you were, say, Barack Obama or even Posh, but you own a motherfucking gym. You agreed to do a one hour workout dvd in exchange for a lot of cash money, probably way more than you deserve. Please shut your piehole and do it, or else give the money back.

2. Okay, now here is an exclusive scoop for you all. Maybe. I think Rebecca has recently had a boob job. Compare:

Granted, they are different angles, but she looks like she's gone from A cup to C cup. My discerning eye tells me that that's not just an excellent padded bra. I googled this issue and got nothin'. What's up, Rebecca? You can tell me. Unlike your co-worker Lisa, I will not talk shit about your implants behind your back. I will do it openly, on this blog (and to be honest, I would not talk shit at all because I think they look pretty fabulous).

3. Speaking of that hellbeast Lisa! She walks into Jackie's office to ask for time off during a really hectic week. "Why?" asks Jackie. Lisa is reluctant. Jackie finally drags it out of her: Lisa is having lipo. Lisa, a regular-sized woman, who has access to a state-of-the-art gym and trainers and has been encouraged to work out during her workday, is getting LIPO. Jackie goes off! She tells the camera that Lisa's fat issues could 100% be taken care of with exercise and that she's just lazy. She then warns Lisa that it will mess up her body and that she will get fat in places she never imagined. Lisa gets whiny and tries some baby-talk flirting with Jackie but it doesn't work. You can tell Jackie is disgusted, and so am I. Jackie, why haven't you FIRED this bitch? I will temp for you for awhile if that's what it takes. Just get this shiftless, trouble-making fucktard off the show!

That's Lisa in the pink bandana, by the way. Apparently she can't even be bothered to wash her hair for work. LAZY.

4. The filming of the dvd! The producer and choreographer want Jackie to do aerobics and dancing. This is very funny to Jesse, and to me. Jackie calls it "very 80s" in a condescending tone and declines. They eventually get a more strength-type of workout filmed, with many snarky and hilarious remarks from Jesse. Here's a secret--I'm dying to try this workout. It's On Demand for those of you who have cable.

5. I think I have a crush on Renessa (above, with Jackie). I don't like it when she talks, but I love her hair and I think she has a very toned yet feminine physique. Don't get all excited; she's not my bonus lesbian pick or anything, but I do think she's hot.

6. Jackie snoops through the phone of her young live-in girlfriend with the fried hair, Brianna. Jackie finds out that Brianna has been texting an ex after Jackie explicitly asked her not to. Uh oh! Brianna's in trouble with the boss! From the looks of the preview for next week, Brianna's days on the gravy train are numbered.

7. JD goes on a blind date (set up by Jesse) and all goes well. At the end of the night, he divebombs his date with a passionate overly-toungue-y kiss, and I swear the camera and the spotlight are 6 inches away from them. Then JD breaks it off suddenly and darts away into the night. It was weird.

The Work Out season finale is next Tuesday! See you then (or maybe a little later. You know.)

Have a spectacular weekend!


karey m. said...

excellent, as always.

Jennifer said...

"Please shut your piehole and do it, or else give the money back."

Thaaaaaaat's what she said. Hee!

Barb said...

Love, Love, Love, all of your Bravo recaps. I don't get to watch much TV and these are the shows I watch when I can. Thanks!

SGM said...

karey m, all for you, my Jordanian-residing, Bravo-deprived friend.

Jennifer, hahahahahahahaha!

Barb, thank you!

Izzy said...

fucktard is my new favorite word!!!!!

Anonymous said...

I thought you said no more Workout viewing or recaps?! Glad to know I'm good company, tho. You and I can rubber neck together at the car wreck.

And izzy, how could that sweet little face say "fucktard?" I like her already

Sucker For Marketing said...

Nevermind Rebecca's boobs, WHAT'S UP WITH HER LIPS! WTF?

Anonymous said...

I think they call those lips DSLs

katiedid said...

You never fail to crack me up!

megan said...

I stopped taking BC and my boobs have blossomed I tell you, blossomed up a full cup size, so sometimes no surgical intervention is needed.