Sunday, June 1, 2008

Voila, bitches!

Like many newer houses, ours has a formal living room right off of the foyer. Why do builders insist upon persevering with the antiquated concept of a formal living room? Haven't they seen Cribs? Even big celebs who furnish these rooms in high style and entertain a lot readily admit "no one ever goes in here." Give me the extra square footage as another bedroom, or tack it onto the family room or kitchen. I don't need a PARLOR, for God's sake!

Because I am resentful of this room, I have not put a lot of thought into it. It contains a mishmash of furniture that doesn't fit anywhere else in the house. The formal living room is my red-headed stepchild (so to speak; I would actually treat a red-headed stepchild with great love and affection because I think red-headed children are adorable). Here's is an example of how the formal living room sucks:


A frumpy slipcovered Pottery Barn couch that looks like ass and is used by my children primarily as a trampoline. When my sister came to visit last weekend, she basically told me that I needed to get over my feelings for this room and treat it with some respect because it is the first thing people see when my front door is opened. I was all "can't you see I've TRIED? See that tropical pillow that doesn't match the couch or the room or anything else in the house?"

She insisted on taking the slipcover off, and this happened:

This clean-lined lovely was hiding underneath. Who knew?! It's exactly the couch I would have wanted for this room and it was totally free.*

I love it when stuff like this happens.



*Now I just need $3k to get one seat cushion (instead of the three it came with), recover it in a neutral linen or velvet, and then slap some graphic pillows on there. Luckily, I have recently received several emails from a Kenyan gentleman informing me that I have inherited $800,000 "that is not drug money." What perfect timing! I'm sure I can spare $3000 and maybe even a little more to spruce up the rest of my parlor. Stay tuned!

11 comments:

karey m. said...

THAT was underneath THAT?!

dare you to recover it a la www.squintlimited.com. keep in mind the $800k you've got coming.

seriously. those kenyans. a generous lot, aren't they? plus, has he read your blog? like you'd even care if it was drug money.

Susannah said...

We must be related!!! Because I got the same email from Kenya! I mean, who knew? We're distant cousins or something thrice removed with a filthy rich Kenyan relative (sadly deceased). My thoughts and prayers go out to you as I am sure you are grieving as am I.

SGM said...

Karey m, I am so glad that I was not eating while I read your comment because I probably would have CHOKED. Esp at the "like you would even care if it was drug money." Indeed, I would quite like to lead the exciting life of a money laundress.
That sofa you linked to gives me a head-ache. oooo-wee!

Susannah, what an amazing coincidence! It's been a really hard week with the death and all, but the $800,000 is a soothing balm for my heart. I haven't received my check yet, have you? Let me know. I'm getting a little ansty.

QueenofPlanetHotflash said...

I have inherited from a long lost relative who just happens to be a king,an Island off the west coast of the United States which is called Hawaii but after I send the small sum of $ 100,000 I will be sent the deed and may change the name to anything I would like!!!!
WWWOOOHOOOOOO!!! lmao
Great Post! great refab on the couch and I agree gimme more bedroom or kitchen space :)

Saucy said...

What a great sofa under a not-so-great sofa. That kind of stuff is great when it happens, you'd better thank your sister! Parlors cost too much money for how often they are used.

Richie Designs said...

brilliant.

hey I want an email telling me I have $800k not from drug money. Jeez I feel so left out.

Lorelei said...

hilarious. thanks for making me giggle today!

Cool thing about the couch. I think it's got loads of potential. How bout making the "parlor" into the "Game Room" with game inpired decor? Game table, game boards on the walls, round coffee table, 4 chairs? This is how I plan to use my formal living room. I, too, am waiting for my Kenyan fortune.

G&D said...

As a red-headed stepchild, I appreciate the disclaimer, lol. Love the "new" sofa! It's like it lost 15 lbs and you need to take it out shopping for new clothes now. Have fun!

megan said...

Good to know they're Kenyan, not those pesky Nigerians.

maison21 said...

NO NO NO-

stop now! a long single seat cushion always looks fucked up after the first time someone sits in it- they get wrinkled, lumpy and the seams go askew and can never be made right. they are only pretty in pictures, not real life. 2 or 3 cushions would be better.

and yes, everyone *will* judge you on your formal living room, so get with it! i am kinda old school on this point, and believe everyone should have one kid-free room- if only just for show. makes one feel like an adult when company is over. (tell the kids if they go in and use the sofa as a trampoline, you will put them into the foster care system, asap).

plus if you walk by the room everyday, you should have something pretty to look at- you won't resent the red-headed step child quite so much, if it's a pretty step-child. you'll be surprised by how happy fixing up the room will make you- swear. you'll thank me- really.

so send the kids to camp for the weekend, and break out a paintbrush, and put some color into your red-headed step child, asap (just painting the kid a warm taupe would do wonders). it's quick and easy, and costs less than a new sofa cushion (you can get that after the drug money starts rolling in).


love,

your childless, decorator friend, who because he is childless, has all the time in the world to worry about such things,

maison21

Anonymous said...

"warm taupe" = color of dried vomit.