Sunday, October 5, 2008

"Brad, do you die? I die."

Ah, this quote is classic Zoe, uttered while she was trying on a vintage dress. Today, I was in a similar situation. I was at Target and astounded by all of the darling little jackets there. "Die," I whispered as I tried some of them on in front of a smudgy mirror. I couldn't help myself. I feel the urge to say "I die" about 20 times a day. All of the sudden, it's the only phrase in my head when I see something surprisingly beautiful.

I am under the spell of Rachel Zoe, you guys!

In this episode, The Rachel Zoe Project was at New York Fashion Week. Let's relive the magic together, shall we?

1. The show opens with Rachel spying a fur coat in a store window. "I want that white fur coat," she says. She asks the driver to stop, and she runs in, tries it on and buys it. "Oh, I feel less stressed now," she says with relief. She then talks about how shopping is what she does when she can't face reality. Rachel! It totally reminded me of MTV's True Life: I'm a Compulsive Shopper. (Did anyone else see that? The girl with the wigs?)

2. Rachel and Joy Bryant stop by Zac Posen's showroom to get a dress for Joy to wear to Zac's runway show. Zac had this rogue curl an otherwise barren expanse of forehead and it was distracting. I remember nothing from this scene, except that I was compulsively pushing my hair off of my forehead the entire time.

3. Brad meets with his friend Annabet (it kills me not to add an 'h,' but whatever) and he has on his mirror image "hug me" sweater.

Oh darling, I want to, but that sweater is eye-crossingly distracting. I can't even look at that photo without getting a headache. Anyhow, Brad tells Annabet that he's afraid of disappointing Taylor and that it's hard to know what Rachel wants.

4. Speaking of Taylor, she continues to be an asshole.

She's in LA styling an ad campaign for Rachel and has called in her "close friend" Ashley to help. She tells the camera that Ashley was up for Brad's job. She makes a nasty comment about how she wishes Ashley would replace "another member of the team" and that working with with Ashley would be "a dream come true."

First, Taylor has a friend? Second, try not to snort when you read what Taylor has to say about Ashley now (via her blog, which is apparently interview-style):

We see you working with Ashley in this ep-

I HATE that girl.


I hate Ashley. I think she's a disgusting human being. And a horrible worker.

What happened?

It was just such a mistake. I thought she was a good employee, and a hard worker, but she just turned out to be a shitty person and a shitty employee. I am really glad that it worked out between Brad and I, because I would have killed myself if I had to work with her.

Stop sugar-coating your feelings, Tay! Jesus. Taylor goes on to say that she thinks that Ashley stole some jewlery. (But really, can you blame her? I would totally have sticky fingers at Rachel's house too).

5. Rachel attends the Oscar de la Renta show and talks about a dress that makes her want to "like, burst into tears."

6. I enjoy all of the little moments with Rachel and Brad in the car. Rachel is pounding away on her Blackberry and Brad is usually also very focussed on something, and the zero eye-contact, rapid-fire repartee is very entertaining. For example:

R: Do we have time for shopping?

B: No.

R: Well, I already bought 3 leopard coats and a leopard cape. What do you think?

B: I think you might need one more.

Okay, it's not so funny written out like that, but believe me, it was very amusing.

7. Rachel wears a beautiful white coat and talks with Rodger about being a mom and having a "bi-coastal baby."

Rodger's all "a bi-coastal what?"

8. Rachel takes Brad to the Diane Von Furstenberg show and introduces him to DVF. Brad dies.

9. The famous shopping scene takes place, where Rachel picks out 3 racks of clothing for herself in 20 minutes. This is also when Rachel gasps

and is so overcome with emotion over a dress that we think she's going to faint/cry/barf. I love her. The dangling bracelet that she wears in this scene is MAGICAL and HYPNOTIZING. Do yourself a favor and watch it in action here. You will have to put up with the bullshit commercials that Bravo recently added to its videos, but it's worth it.

Brad admits he's an enabler when it comes to shopping.

10. Rodger buys Rachel some flowers. Rachel says to Brad, "have you seen the flowers in my house? THEY DIE." She says it with the same inflection of "I DIE" and it is so fucking awesome.

11. Joy is dressing in Rachel's hotel room (which is more like a hotel palace) for the Zac Posen show and Rach tells her she looks bananas. Joy is afraid she's going to be cold and threatens to throw on a jean jacket. Rachel is mortified and finds an appropriate coat for Joy with the warning that she'd better not wear it for photos. STRICT.

12. Is Zac Posen on drugs?

13. Rachel tries on her 3 racks of vintage finds at the hotel. Her chest bones stick out and it hurts me. I want to bundle her up in a fur coat and take her to Diary Queen, where I will spoonfeed her a Reeses Blizzard.

Rachel warns Brad that Rodger will question him about Rachel's purchases and asks Brad not to tell Rodger anything. She tells the camera that some people collect art or stamps, but that she collects clothes. It reminded me of these douchebags:

who said something very similar to that. Where do they get the cash?

14. Brad and Taylor talk on the phone. The words coming out of Taylor's mouth seem to be somewhat encouraging, but she's making these ugly petulant faces (see photo above) indicating complete two-faced-ness. Poor Brad. He does not deserve this.

15. Brad's first 911! Kate Hudson needs 8 outfits selected and overnighted to London for a press tour. Rachel can't help because she must be at the Marchesa show. Brad handles it, and his own mother couldn't be prouder than I am at that moment.  Suck it, Tay.

16. Rodger catches Brad alone and interrogates him about Rachel's shopping. Brad denies, denies, denies. Apparently the credit card company called about a "uge" (also known as "huge") charge. "She's so dead," Rodger says.

17. Then there is the best moment of the show:

Brad's killer imitation of Rachel. Rachel cracks up and tells Brad that she's going to send him to shows in her place. It is at this point that I officially fall in love with both of them.

18. Rachel introduces Brad to Oscar de la Renta and Brad looks as though he's going to wet himself.

19. Rodger quizzes Rachel about her shopping (the man is relentless!). Rachel alternately avoids Rodger's increasingly specific questions and downplays her purchases while she tells the camera "I have a shopping problem. I do!" Rodger is no fool. "You're such a liar, baby," he tells her, and I think he is kind of sexy, notwithstanding the hair and jewelry.

20. Rodger is sick. Rachel has worked herself to the bone. It's time to go home to LA, but Rachel can't stand the thought of packing her millions of outfits, so she asks Rodger if they can stay one more day. Rodge basically says "are you shitting me? NO."

21. Rachel invites Brad to the Mark Jacobs after-party and he is blown away by this. "You look so handsome, I feel like I die," she tells him before they leave the hotel.

Big party scene, and Rach introduces Brad to MJ, who totally checks him out. Does anyone else think that Marc Jacobs so smarmy these days? Rodger shows up at the party even though he's sick because he wants to support Rachel. They share some chaste kisses and I simultaneously think "NO! She can't afford to get sick!" and "when do you guys have sex?" I am going on record to say that I am concerned about the marriage. They seem to have a strong bond, but the stress of her job and her spending...I'm worried.

On the next episode, Brad cries. Taylor laughs (I assume). See you then!


I *Heart* You said...

such a fantastical recap. loved it when brad dressed up as taylor and i LOVED brad's hug me sweater. it was such a great episode. i wish i could be her for a day.

pam said...

Am I the only one who finds it shockingly incongruous that Rachel is enough of a deadhead that she wants to name her future baby "Scarlet Begonia?" You don't see a lot of fur coats and 20 pound gold bracelets at a dead show. Thanks for the awesome recap-I die....

Anonymous said...

"If someone wanted to buy a Birkin I would totally cosign for them!" Oh Brad, my love, let's go shopping. You totally shut down this recap. Have a bananas day.

Breakfast for Dinner said...

Awesome recap. I die. I wanna have money to shop like she does. I also want to have her style me just once.

The best part about that Real Housewives couple is that they went to the South of France, spend like $20K+ on new clothes, but when it was their kid's b-day party, their house was in disarray and had been being renovated for like the entire 3 years they owned it. Shady shady shady.

beachbungalow8 said...

ok, ok so much. my highlights:

that curl? on Zac? must have taken 20 minutes and half a tube of molding paste to get just 'so'.

I personally, feel total stress when I spend 50 grand on a coat that I buy on a whim. Rachel might need to consider a 12 step program.

and again, are we sure that "Roger" isn't actually Todd Oldham trying to slip in a little air time.

Richie Designs said...

R: Well, I already bought 3 leopard coats and a leopard cape. What do you think?

B: I think you might need one more.

that was one of the funniest sets of banter I've ever seen Brad has amazing comic timing. That and the comment from the last show when she admits she's only had three hours of sleep and Brad says "and you look amazing" and she laughs and says she looks like E.T.

he's really good at kissing ass in a genuine way. Which is a needed skill actually, especially in fashion.

Jennifer said...

Your review? Bananas! I die.

Brittany said...

"Rachel takes Brad to the Diane Von Furstenberg show and introduces him to DVF. Brad dies."

Ahem. Best line.

And the McCord Van Kempen reference....I die. :)

I love the show so so much, I'm so happy you convinced me to watch it.

I want my very own Brad. Wasn't his cute dancing at the Marc after party just so giggle inducing? I loved it.

Brilliant Asylum said...

Brad may be on to a good Halloween costume--though I would need to loose about 50 lbs before I could go as Rach.

Anonymous said...

I Die when I watched that show and again when I read your recap. It makes me so want to watch it again, but who has time?!

I did die a little when I caught Brad smacking and chomping his gum at the MJ party. I mean, COME ON, dude - you are too fabulous to be caught smackin gum on TV. And, I really wanted to believe that Rach also noticed and make him spit it into her hand like a 1st grade teacher.

SGM said...

I too noticed the gum chewing and gave him a mental reprimand.

I want my very own Brad too!

Anonymous said...


Jozette said...

that recap was phenominal. i die.

i love brad. with all my heart.

i want to be rachel.

i, too, am worried about their marriage!! and anon - no way he cheats on her. no way.

Courtney said...

Your recaps are so. dang. good. and totally spot on. So I'm wanting to place a bet on how long until you have Rachel reading :)

SGM said...

OMG OMG OMG! A Rachel reading! Great idea!

Rodger cheats on Rach? Email me, you anon rabble rouser.

KatinkaPinka said...

yeah, the chest bones during the trying on of clothes made me hug a pillow to my body and cringe.

eat a sandwich already!

alis said...

Funny I too am concerned about their sex life. Isn't Rodger afraid of breaking her?

Mrs. Blandings said...

SGM - you worry about their sex life, I'll take over for the chest bones. I know it's edited, but she never eats or exercises - troubling. I watched for the first time last week and am head over heels. I think she's "madcap" but totally real. Truly.

Ava said...

did it not cross anyone else's mind that Brad and Joey are doin it? i saw sparks.
sgm- genius as always! i love that "you die" in target! HA!

Anonymous said...

The idea of Rachel Zoe Rosenzweig (sp?) Berman having a baby is just bananas.

Ellen said...

You're my new BFF! I die! Praise the fashion gods for the opportunity to read this blog!!!

sa said...