"Brad, do you die? I die."

Ah, this quote is classic Zoe, uttered while she was trying on a vintage dress. Today, I was in a similar situation. I was at Target and astounded by all of the darling little jackets there. "Die," I whispered as I tried some of them on in front of a smudgy mirror. I couldn't help myself. I feel the urge to say "I die" about 20 times a day. All of the sudden, it's the only phrase in my head when I see something surprisingly beautiful.

I am under the spell of Rachel Zoe, you guys!

In this episode, The Rachel Zoe Project was at New York Fashion Week. Let's relive the magic together, shall we?

1. The show opens with Rachel spying a fur coat in a store window. "I want that white fur coat," she says. She asks the driver to stop, and she runs in, tries it on and buys it. "Oh, I feel less stressed now," she says with relief. She then talks about how shopping is what she does when she can't face reality. Rachel! It totally reminded me of MTV's True Life: I'm a Compulsive Shopper. (Did anyone else see that? The girl with the wigs?)

2. Rachel and Joy Bryant stop by Zac Posen's showroom to get a dress for Joy to wear to Zac's runway show. Zac had this rogue curl an otherwise barren expanse of forehead and it was distracting. I remember nothing from this scene, except that I was compulsively pushing my hair off of my forehead the entire time.

3. Brad meets with his friend Annabet (it kills me not to add an 'h,' but whatever) and he has on his mirror image "hug me" sweater.

Oh darling, I want to, but that sweater is eye-crossingly distracting. I can't even look at that photo without getting a headache. Anyhow, Brad tells Annabet that he's afraid of disappointing Taylor and that it's hard to know what Rachel wants.

4. Speaking of Taylor, she continues to be an asshole.


She's in LA styling an ad campaign for Rachel and has called in her "close friend" Ashley to help. She tells the camera that Ashley was up for Brad's job. She makes a nasty comment about how she wishes Ashley would replace "another member of the team" and that working with with Ashley would be "a dream come true."

First, Taylor has a friend? Second, try not to snort when you read what Taylor has to say about Ashley now (via her blog, which is apparently interview-style):

We see you working with Ashley in this ep-

I HATE that girl.

Oh.

I hate Ashley. I think she's a disgusting human being. And a horrible worker.

What happened?

It was just such a mistake. I thought she was a good employee, and a hard worker, but she just turned out to be a shitty person and a shitty employee. I am really glad that it worked out between Brad and I, because I would have killed myself if I had to work with her.

Stop sugar-coating your feelings, Tay! Jesus. Taylor goes on to say that she thinks that Ashley stole some jewlery. (But really, can you blame her? I would totally have sticky fingers at Rachel's house too).

5. Rachel attends the Oscar de la Renta show and talks about a dress that makes her want to "like, burst into tears."

6. I enjoy all of the little moments with Rachel and Brad in the car. Rachel is pounding away on her Blackberry and Brad is usually also very focussed on something, and the zero eye-contact, rapid-fire repartee is very entertaining. For example:

R: Do we have time for shopping?

B: No.

R: Well, I already bought 3 leopard coats and a leopard cape. What do you think?

B: I think you might need one more.

Okay, it's not so funny written out like that, but believe me, it was very amusing.

7. Rachel wears a beautiful white coat and talks with Rodger about being a mom and having a "bi-coastal baby."

Rodger's all "a bi-coastal what?"

8. Rachel takes Brad to the Diane Von Furstenberg show and introduces him to DVF. Brad dies.

9. The famous shopping scene takes place, where Rachel picks out 3 racks of clothing for herself in 20 minutes. This is also when Rachel gasps


and is so overcome with emotion over a dress that we think she's going to faint/cry/barf. I love her. The dangling bracelet that she wears in this scene is MAGICAL and HYPNOTIZING. Do yourself a favor and watch it in action here. You will have to put up with the bullshit commercials that Bravo recently added to its videos, but it's worth it.

Brad admits he's an enabler when it comes to shopping.

10. Rodger buys Rachel some flowers. Rachel says to Brad, "have you seen the flowers in my house? THEY DIE." She says it with the same inflection of "I DIE" and it is so fucking awesome.

11. Joy is dressing in Rachel's hotel room (which is more like a hotel palace) for the Zac Posen show and Rach tells her she looks bananas. Joy is afraid she's going to be cold and threatens to throw on a jean jacket. Rachel is mortified and finds an appropriate coat for Joy with the warning that she'd better not wear it for photos. STRICT.

12. Is Zac Posen on drugs?

13. Rachel tries on her 3 racks of vintage finds at the hotel. Her chest bones stick out and it hurts me. I want to bundle her up in a fur coat and take her to Diary Queen, where I will spoonfeed her a Reeses Blizzard.

Rachel warns Brad that Rodger will question him about Rachel's purchases and asks Brad not to tell Rodger anything. She tells the camera that some people collect art or stamps, but that she collects clothes. It reminded me of these douchebags:

who said something very similar to that. Where do they get the cash?

14. Brad and Taylor talk on the phone. The words coming out of Taylor's mouth seem to be somewhat encouraging, but she's making these ugly petulant faces (see photo above) indicating complete two-faced-ness. Poor Brad. He does not deserve this.

15. Brad's first 911! Kate Hudson needs 8 outfits selected and overnighted to London for a press tour. Rachel can't help because she must be at the Marchesa show. Brad handles it, and his own mother couldn't be prouder than I am at that moment.  Suck it, Tay.

16. Rodger catches Brad alone and interrogates him about Rachel's shopping. Brad denies, denies, denies. Apparently the credit card company called about a "uge" (also known as "huge") charge. "She's so dead," Rodger says.

17. Then there is the best moment of the show:


Brad's killer imitation of Rachel. Rachel cracks up and tells Brad that she's going to send him to shows in her place. It is at this point that I officially fall in love with both of them.

18. Rachel introduces Brad to Oscar de la Renta and Brad looks as though he's going to wet himself.

19. Rodger quizzes Rachel about her shopping (the man is relentless!). Rachel alternately avoids Rodger's increasingly specific questions and downplays her purchases while she tells the camera "I have a shopping problem. I do!" Rodger is no fool. "You're such a liar, baby," he tells her, and I think he is kind of sexy, notwithstanding the hair and jewelry.

20. Rodger is sick. Rachel has worked herself to the bone. It's time to go home to LA, but Rachel can't stand the thought of packing her millions of outfits, so she asks Rodger if they can stay one more day. Rodge basically says "are you shitting me? NO."

21. Rachel invites Brad to the Mark Jacobs after-party and he is blown away by this. "You look so handsome, I feel like I die," she tells him before they leave the hotel.

Big party scene, and Rach introduces Brad to MJ, who totally checks him out. Does anyone else think that Marc Jacobs so smarmy these days? Rodger shows up at the party even though he's sick because he wants to support Rachel. They share some chaste kisses and I simultaneously think "NO! She can't afford to get sick!" and "when do you guys have sex?" I am going on record to say that I am concerned about the marriage. They seem to have a strong bond, but the stress of her job and her spending...I'm worried.



On the next episode, Brad cries. Taylor laughs (I assume). See you then!