Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Christie Brinkley's Divorce Extravaganza

Honestly, I don't know much about it. However, I did catch a minute of the story on the Today Show--are they really that hard up for news that this is one of the stories featured in the first 20 minutes? I have no problem with it, but what about normal people? People actually looking for, I don't know, news?

Anyhow, I see Christie Brinkley on her way to court, thrilled to be losing 180 lbs--not as a result of the Total Gym--but as a result of ditching her douchebag husband.


Go Christie! Happy happy! And then while some reporter was discussing Mr. I-Cheated-on-My-Wife-with-a-Child's testimony, this flashed onto the screen:

Ah, the brilliance and unintentional hilarity of courtroom art! If you took the two men out of the picture and replaced them with a window and an ocean view, complete with seagulls in the sky, you would have some serious 1970s-style amateur art. Christie looks so pensive and peaceful. She is not in a heart-wrenching divorce proceeding; she is in her kitchen, drinking General Food's International Coffee, thinking about what to feed her cat and how to make her hair less poofy. Then there's the boo-hooing, no-necked Peter with an extra shoulder, crying over God knows what. And the attorney! Don't you want to draw lasers coming from his eyes? What is that pose? It's kind of James Bond-esque, yet pure evil.

Before I sign off, I'd like to share my favorite courtroom drawing of all time. May I present to you, Kevin Federline, with a fauxhawk:


Have a lovely day.

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

The lawyer in the drawing looks like he's taking a leak against the judge's podium.

hello gorgeous said...

I feel for the girl... being dumped for an 18-y/o or whatever when you look like that and have such a cheery disposition. What hope is there for the rest of us?

However, the courtroom art of the ex-hubby and lawyer looks like a serious Republican airport bathroom, uh, confab.

I love you, SGM!! (sorry, summer vacay - post-cocktail hour ...)

Anonymous said...

He's a weasel, and yet I find Christie Brinkley unsympathetic. Maybe because of her Loni Anderson-like blonde polyester shiniess or something.

Megan said...

Shep is no good at drawing a lifelike hand. Until he can do this I will be unable to muster up any sympathy toward any of the players in this courtroom drama. Well, maybe Alexa Ray Joel, she certainly got the short end of the good looks stick.

muranogirl said...

General Foods International Coffee! You crack me up!

I guess this is typical for summer - no real hard news with the exception of A-Rod & Madonna and Christie's divorce!
Bring on all the fluff! I have major election fatigue and am afraid to look at my 401k!

j. said...

Muahaha! I never noticed the extreme hilarity of those courtroom drawings. It's so antiquated and strange that people still do that. Must ponder this. Anyway, thanks for the laugh!

karey m. said...

why does she choose such awful douchie baglets?! i don't get it. memba that skier dude she was married to for, like, three minutes?

she should've never left the billy.

Jennifer said...

K Fed looks like an alien or some shit.

Leslie (Miss Havisham) said...

1. Where are you finding these court drawings?

2. How do I get that top one of the dude crying, the lawyer pissing, and the model contemplating off of this website and framed on the wall of my apartment

3. Are you kidding me with that K-Fed drawing?

david santos said...

Really beautiful!!!
You are Master.
Happy day.

franki durbin said...

priceless.

amber said...

Whenever I see a picture of CB, it brings me back - way back. The first day I ever got my period (way back at 13) I met Christie Brinkley. No joke. It was after a Billy Joel concert, I was backstage with my parents and there she was nursing her little girl. I sat with her and was in total awe. It was all I could do not to tell her this horrifying "thing" that had just occurred on the way to the concert, but now, I'm pretty darn happy I kept it to myself (and shared it with you!).

SGM said...

Oh Amber, that is BEST story!

Fifi Flowers said...

The media coverage was interesting... they actually put together clips of all her outfits... like she was on the runway.

The Lil Bee said...

This is my favorite post of yours EVER...the extra shoulder!!!!

s. said...

Thank you, SGM, for your take on this all-important divorce. I could not fully process it correctly without you addressing it in some way.

Christie, while beautiful, has horrendous taste in men and weird fixations with things like UFOs.

He is a slime who said he wanted custody of his kids but after the case, when he was awarded 2$+ million, he stated that "I got everything I wanted."

Pffffft. Yeah, so glad to see how concerned he actually was for his children.

And that teenage Diana Biancha certainly looks the part of a wily minx who f*cks an older man 12 times and gets more than $300K for her services. Cook was pathetic to fall for it. And shame on her! Being young doesn't mean that you have a free pass to make a dozen stupid mistakes with married men.