Thursday, July 17, 2008

"You'd be surprised about how emotionally involved I am"

That's Jeff, explaining to Ryan that he really is concerned about Jenni. Me too. Here's Part II of your Flipping Out recap:

1. Jenni is shown limping around due to her ROOF TACK injury. I swear to God, a mellowed out version of Foxy Lady was playing in the background; can someone back me up on this? The Bravo employee who did this should either get a raise (for the humor) or get fired (for Kenny G-ing that song), I'm not sure which.

Jenni's bad luck continues at Lorie's Encino house when she gives a blank check to a contractor. Jeff reacts with an emphatic "FUCK." Twice, y'all! Yes. They bleeped it out, but still--I like it when he talks dirty. Very much. Mmmmm. Where was I? Oh yes. No harm is done, but he harangues her about the details of it for what appears to be for-fucking-ever. Jeff tells the camera that Jenni keeps screwing up at work, and that it's so unlike her. He sympathizes with her situation but says he can't give her paid vacation--"we don't do that at Jeff Lewis' office"--but that she could use some time off.

2. Ryan and Jeff have lunch.

Ryan tries to counsel Jeff on being sensitive to Jenni's needs, and Jeff responds with 'tude and eye rolling worthy of a 16 year old. Ryan, although Jeff is not the guru of compassion and warm fuzzies, I can vouch that he is really stepping up his game for Jenni. He expresses his affection and concern for her many times in this episode.

Having said that, did anyone else feel awkward when Jeff reveals to the camera that "not many people know this BUT" Chris Elwood, out of the blue, asked for a divorce four years ago (foreshadowing). Yikes! Jeff, why did it feel like you were betraying a confidence here? Were you? Feel free to tell me more secrets about Jenni's personal life via email.

Jenni, my darling, I will join the chorus in telling you that you are better off without him. He was bringing you DOWN, sister. Sucking your energy! Has Ryan saged you yet? Get on it.

Jeff then demonstrates his total devotion to Jenni by saying "I will stick by her, even if it takes six months [for her to get back to not fucking up on the j-o-b]." His therapy is really working, isn't it? But Jenni, I hope you have your shit together by month seven.

3. Time for Vally Oak to be staged! May I present to you, His Royal Hottness:

For full effect, please listen to this song while looking at this image.

I know so many of you have issues with Jeff's hair and lips, but did you see this scene? The sunglasses? HOTT. Like, 140 degrees. 150, even!

So as the furniture is being moved in and placed, Jeff's OCD kicks into high gear with his "3 inches that way, no, .0568 inches the other way, no, half a spider's leg that way . . . ." I had to smile when Jeff says "I don't think people are as concerned or committed to lining things up." Oh Jesus! Do you know what I'm committed to? Sneaking into his house and moving everything one quarter of an inch and watching his head explode.

The One and Only Chris talks about how amazing it is to watch Jeff work: Jeff puts the furniture one way, considers it, moves it and then moves it again until it's perfectly balanced. By the way, Chris sparkles and I'm not just saying that because I'm hoping to be his life coach. It's the truth.

4. Jeff departs Valley Oak after endless tiny adjustments. Then Ryan comes in with his whole team and MOVES IT ALL AROUND! My heart almost stopped when I thought of Jeff's wrath. Ryan explained that Jeff basically does the same set-up in every house and that it's a bit too modern and predictable. Ryan, who owns a design firm, was there to mix and warm things up. I love it when people defy Jeff. It scares the bejeezus out of me, but I do love it. God bless you, Ryan.

5. Jeff shows up at Valley Oak as Ryan is finishing up. He's certainly annoyed, but he does not lose it. He just wishes that Ryan would have given him a phone call or a text--yeah, so that Jeff could have responded "NO WAY! DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH A THING OR I WILL STRANGLE YOU WITH MY BARE HANDS!" Jeff ends up admitting that he liked most of Ryan's changes. I'm so proud of you, Jeff.

6. Chris is at Lorie's Encino house assisting Jeff. Jeff loves that Chris is not a fuck-up and is actually interested in project management and design. I'd like to point out that Chris uses Dulux brand paint when he's painting the swatches on the walls. I KNEW IT! My painter gave me a funny look when I insisted upon running halfway across town for Dulux, but's the best, bitches.

7. Jaw-dropper (but not really if you had been paying attention): Jenni reports that she didn't dump Chris Elwood, CHRIS ELWOOD DUMPED HER! What. The. Fuck. Jenni reports that he decided he didn't want to be married anymore. How original! "Rejection isn't easy," she sighs. I'll say. Especially when you're rejected by a ding-dong who wears an ironic headband to work.

Did he wear that headband during sex, Jenni? Don't answer--I'll just ask Jeff.

I'd like to come out in support of Chris Elwood on one thing, though. The dogs were not fighting. They were playing, just as he said.

8. Jeff again pledges his friendship and support to Jenni. He admires her for showing up to work each day and putting on a brave face. THEN, he says something that is soooo classic Jeff: "I think she just wants a hug, but God knows I'm uncomfortable with that." !!! Jeff, you'd better hope you never run into me because I will ambush you with an extra-long, tight HUG complete with closed eyes and nuzzling and maybe even moaning. You too, Jenni, but I won't make it so weird and uncomfortable for you.

Jeff says that his friendship with Chris Elwood is OVER, but that if Chris and Jenni reconcile, he will support her--"that's how much I love Jenni." Aw! Who is this kind man? (FYI, Jenni, I will not support reconciliation).

That's the end of the show!


BONUS ROUNDTABLE DISCUSSION: JEFF'S HAIR AND LIPS

Okay, I am pretty oblivious when it comes to fake hair and plastic surgery (with the exception of boobs). It has to be really obvious, like this:

or this:

for me to be convinced that a hair specialist or doctor has intervened. If Jeff has a rug or artificially plump lips, I think it's all well done. He looks GOOD. HOTT, remember? I know some of you disagree. Personally, I think we should be concentrating our efforts on Ryan and persuading him to wear his hair shorter.

All sides please weigh in, and if you think any looks have been tampered with, please support your claim.

Have a fab weekend, you sexy mofos!

p.s. If you want a super-sharp recap of Project Runway, head on over here.

36 comments:

Paloma said...

I can't tell you how hard I laughed when Jeff explained how uncomfortable hugs make him! I was just rolling at the thought of you moaning while hugging him!

Did you ever watch Blow Out with Jonathan Antin? It aired on Bravo maybe two years ago. Well, Lauren of the Material Girls blog brought it up at our Houston Blogger dinner tonight. Anyway, that got me thinking. Can you imagine Jeff and Jonathan on a bling date? Talk about two drama queens!

Your recaps are the best. I always look forward to them. :)

s. said...

Yup, he's admitted to having had his lips tinkered with.

Courtney said...

Seriously, all I have to do is read your titles alone and I'm already cracking up. And I love the reminder of the 140, 150 degrees situation. These are the best!

Barb said...

Once again, stellar recap. I read part one yesterday, and much to my suprise last night, it aired again! I was so happy. Poor Jenni. I loved the part where he told Zoila if it gets ugly he is going to blame her. I have to agree with you, Jeff is hot, but he has Lisa Renna (I probably spelled that last name wrong) lips. Other wise he is a hot piece of man meat!

The Lil Bee said...

You are so f'ing funny! "Does Jeff wear that headband during sex?!" Oh, please do ask him, and report back, sista!

And the Foxy Lady bit...I didn't catch that but I will have to listen again. How the f do you Kenny G the Foxy Lady anyway?!

Rebecca said...

I ache for Jenni, I really do. I love how much she deals with Jeff and his crazy, yet CANNOT SEE THE IDIOCY OF HER BOY-HUSBAND WITH HIS FRIGGIN IHEADPHONES IN! Ugh. Seriously, can we all chip in for a cookie bouquet or something for her? Maybe a pizza without meatballs on it?

Also--I am thrilled beyond belief to have discovered your blog, since I have been Flipping Out in private. I feel like I'm in a, uh, safe space, or something here.

claudia & keith said...

Stellar recap as always! However, you did leave out two wonderful parts.

1) When Jeff talks to the camera about giving New Chris more responsibility, he says something like, "... I don't even know what his aesthetic is yet. I can't just give him a credit card and send him to pick out tile. He could come home with TRAVERTINE for all I know." His disgust at the very thought of such a "vile material" invading his beautifully designed spaces was so fantastic.

2) When Courtney calls and asks Jeff to take over the project again, he tells Ryan how different it will be this time around and says, "Jeff Lewis is nobody's bitch!" And then he turns to Jenni and says, "well, except yours." HOW SWEET! The therapy is working wonders. When he said that I wanted to give him a huge hug and make him very uncomfortable.

Jana Souza said...

This is so great; found you via shout out from MWTWT, but yes, I am so hooked on this show; I am beginning to wonder if these plots are somewhat staged, but I try to block that out and just enjoy it; I am so in awe of his anal retentiveness about every detail; why you ask, well, because I have a bit of it in my personality, albeit toned down over the years and he makes me appreciate it; I really do, (can say this here because no one knows me), "get Jeff" as embarassing as that is.

I didn't even consider a "piece" on Jeff's head for last season, which I normally pride myself on noting. I just noticed one night watching an episode that his hair looked like a toup (spelling?), and now I am still on the fence because it looked more real this week, either he has a ton of it, or he has spent a ton on a good one.

This is grand and yes, your take is hilarious.

FYI, I thought the dogs were fighting a bit---but then, anyone who knows me would tell you I'm way to f'n sensitive about that sh_t.

Thanks for sharing,

jana

Anonymous said...

On the Bravo season finale last year, he admitted to Andy that he had gotten collagen "years ago"--well, that stuff doesn't last forever! Either he has some kind of lip implant, or he gets injections regularly. That is not the upper lip God gave him, that's for sure!
Ryan does need a hair makeover--someone call in Jonathon--stat!

pam said...

There's definitely something funky going on up top- i cant tell if it's a rug, a transplant or just some weird styling.
Speaking of weird styling, thank you for bringing up Ryan-i hate that brushed forward -like the dude from gossip girl-long hair.

Jen said...

LOVED the recaps!

Did you notice that when Jeff was doing a couple of his directly to the camera interviews that he had this great five o'clock shadow? He actually looks HOT with some scruff.

Why do I always crush on the gay ones?

Oh, and Jeff was really obviously trying to be more sensitive to Jenni this episode. It was so dick for Elwood to leave her, but he was definitely acting out like he wasn't happy. You get upset when you're fired, unless you KNOW you've been fucking around because you just don't care anymore. Then it's like "yea, saw that coming. Sorry about that."

SGM said...

1. I LOVE the cookie bouquet/meatball pizza idea. I'm gonna look into that. FOR REAL. You are so safe here, Rebecca.

2. I forgot all about how Jeff said "travertine" with total disgust! I hope we get the "nobody's bitch" part in next week's episode.

3. Ryan w/ Gossip Girl hair--OMG, YES.

You guys are the best; thanks for being a part of this Flipping Out support group.

I *Heart* You said...

the execs at Bravo are fools to not get you on some kind of contract.

these recaps make my week. and poor little j!! how tragic. i hope he doesn't want royalties on the bob saget song. when are you going to post that? i can't wait for the reactions.

Doodle Whore said...

Oy. Jeff's lips are too distracting. I can only focus on their pillowy pulsations when he pontificates...

katiedid said...

Thanks sgm! I can always count on you. I have a bit of jeff love going on too.

Project Runway!!!!! Yeah it's back. And there seems to be a blonde, tanning obsessed alter ego (Blayne) to last years winner, Christian. It's like Christian stepped into the looking glass and came out just the opposite.

I look forward to your recap! (You did watch I hope!)

me said...

i always watch the show, but i love your commentary more than anything.

everytime i see Jeff, i just stare at his lips trying to figure them out.

Matt Jaworski said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
I *Heart* You said...

i cannot believe i am going to say this...but jeff gets hotter in each episode. i am a straight married woman. weird.

Jenny said...

I just found this blog thanks to doodlewhoore.com, his Jeff Lewis/Chris Elwood Doodle was da bomb! I LOVE THIS BLOG!

I agree with almost everything you said except for the "dog issue," I have to agree with Zoila that it was more than just playing.

I am so happy to know that I am not the only married straight woman that hearts Jeff Lewis!

Anonymous said...

I'm thinking maybe Jeff is not 100 percent gay. Like maybe he would be with Jenni if he thought she'd be keen on the idea. I can't be the only one who's wondered about this...
And the lips. He looks to me as though he might have had a cleft lip or hare lip that was surgically repaired many, many years ago. As a result, the lip enhancement procedure didn't take very well.

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