"Slade is a total douchebag"

Hell, YES! Someone had to say it. The words came from David, one of Jo's suitors, who is a caricature of Ari Gold from Entourage. Anyway, who knew you could say "douchebag" on network tv? Not me.

Date my Ex with Jo and Slade is every single bit as awful and fake as we thought it would be. Here are some highlights (or alternately, a manifesto on why you should poke your eyes out rather than watch this show):

1. Jo goes out to lunch with her friends, and incredibly, there is a camera crew there to record Jo complaining about her love life. She's just working so much (who knew that churning out generic pop music could be so time-consuming?) and she's too busy to find a man. When the friends suggest that her ex-fiancee and current manager Slade should help her in her search, she is so shocked that she almost spits out her drink!

Hold the phone, here. Are we to believe that Bravo called up Jo and say, "hey, person-whose-musical-career-is-a-joke, we'd like to follow you around and film you to see if any brilliant ideas for a reality show pop up"? Bullshit. Jo and Slade have been hatching this plan for years. Bravo, shame on you for thinking that we would fall for this.

2. Another unbelievable coincidence: Jo's bff Myia (pronounced Mya--I hate when people spell their own names wrong) just happens to be an amazingly poised Brit who is free to be the show's host.


Notice Jo's baby pout. Get used to it. It accompanies baby talk and is quite possibly one of the most barf-inducing things I've ever watched.

3. Commercials are buffered with Jo's shitty music.

4. This week, four guys moved into "Slade's house," which is almost certainly NOT his house, because his house is in foreclosure (how positively lucky for him that Jo's friends happened to suggest this show!). Jo goes on solo dates with each guy and then picks one to remain in the house with Slade. Apparently more dudes show up later. The specifics of the dates and the men aren't really important, JO IS. For each date, she cakes on the make-up (her eyes are just one big glob of mascara) and pulls out the baby voice. Prior to one date, her suitor sends her a skin-tight dress, and she insists that she can't wear a bra or underwear with it. To most of us, that would be a red flag that the dress is too snug to be worn in public and/or the guy likes his woman to look like a slut.

All of this is lost on Jo. There is a big scene with Jo in her underwear, and her roommate is helping her pull the dress on. Then we see her removing her underwear all sexy-like. Gratuitous. Gross.

5. Ari Gold's pre-date gift is a Louis Vuitton scarf, and he takes her on a helicopter ride over LA. He also calls her a "crossover artist" and is all schmoozy. Hmmm, do you think he is the one who stays? I'll just tell you: YES. Big fucking surprise. Here he is charming Jo's roommate, aka Plan B.


6. Slade is devastated that Ari Gold had such a successful date. He's concerned: "does he want to date Jo, or manage her?" Yeah, 'cause there's so much money in THAT, Mr. Foreclosure! Jesus Christ.

7. Instead of "would you accept this rose," Jo's line at the elimination ceremony is "...but I think that we should just be friends," said with a exaggerated baby pouty face. Hey, nothing like rejecting someone with a cliche. Also, check out her dress that barely covers her cooter:



That's about enough. There's more fakery but I can't even go into it without blood pressure medicine. I am not watching this vile, phoney, self-promoting piece of shit again. Sorry to be such a hater, but it's impossible to be a liker or even a tolerater when it comes to Date my Ex.

I will leave you to ponder this: how on earth did Jo get her own show? She's not particularly likeable or talented. Bravo is pimping this show like crazy, commercials constantly running on Bravo and internet ads everywhere (did you see that it was the background on Perez yesterday?). Her album drops like a big fat turd in August, 2008--it's all just one big infomercial for Jo. WHY? Did she blackmail them somehow? Is her mom a top exec at Bravo? I do not get it.

Bravo, cut your losses and give this show the ax.

Thank God Flipping Out is on tonight.