Monday, July 28, 2008

Dear John:


Look at you with a haircut! Did you have lice? Maybe you joined the army instead of "waiting on the world to change"? I know--Jennifer asked you to cut your hair short like Brad's. She did, didn't she? Honey, you look like a rodent! A depressed, diseased, pussy-whipped rodent. Can you have your people call Britney's people about extensions? I think that would be the best option at this point.

I'm going to have to remove you from the Free Pass Five until that shit grows out. I'm so sorry, but I'm sure you understand. Say hey to Jen for me!

xoxo,
SGM

p.s. Thanks for not calling while you were in town last week. Oh--almost forgot--tell Jen I love her new handbag! Who would guess that YOUR BALLS are in it? xo



John photo from Tressed Out (again). This site is so fabulous. Jen photo from People.

20 comments:

karey m. said...

j.a. skeeves me out, for some reason. she looks empty to me.

k.k., on the other hand, looks brilliant. interesting. multi-layered. a risk-taker. ready for the beach, a safari, or just a night in with the rest of the snoop's stable.

was that rude? i don't mean to be rude.

what i meant to write {and probably should've in a personal email, from the looks of this comment!} is that i've had a chance to watch flipping out. a lot.

i love him. love him love him love him. love it all.

but your book is better than the movie. i felt like i was watching reruns. you're my hero. or something like that. xoxo. missing you.

maddalenna said...

I love it! Maybe these photos will convince you: http://popsugar.com/1815931

Amanda said...

Uh, yeah. Bad, bad, bad, John. I hear they are house hunting or something together?

jozette said...

HAHA. Yea, that haircut is B.A.D. BAD. Not like, Michael Jackson BAD either. Just bad. Amazing what a difference a little hair can make.

SGM said...

Maddalenna, are you suggesting that his blatant rejection of me is coloring my opinion? Because I am NOT BITTER, okay?

(karey m, brilliant description of Kim K. I miss you! Glad you're loving F.O.)

Jennifer said...

Do you think she really has room for his balls in all that baggage she's already carrying?

Who am I kidding? She'll make room!

The Lil Bee said...

DID YOU HAVE LICE?!?! I can't, I can't...dying right now!!

Oh, and if I didn't think I could love you any more, we have a mutual infatuation with Vince Vaughn. Jen seriously better hang on to this one!

Jen said...

Not to burst your fun bubble, but John actually cut his hair, along with several members of his band, in tribute to his back up guitarists father who very recently passed away. I think that totally trumps any short lived minus points on attraction.

I do like JA's handbag, though ...

Richie Designs said...

I need his curls back so I've got something to hold onto.

so funny. I saw his cut yesterday and thought of you. wondered if you were lamenting same as me.

we'll have to have a life size john poster to have at the palm springs house.

lifeinredshoes said...

This one made me pee my pants, thanks!

SGM said...

Jen, now I feel like an a-hole. But his balls are still in her purse.

MonkeyButt said...

This might be your best ever.

Doodle Whore said...

As a card carrying homo, I have to dissent here. I think he looks way hotter with a butch buzzcut instead of his wussy curly wavy mop top. Then again, I'm pretty sure I'm not his target audience.

Pink Wallpaper said...

that my friend is too funny!!

Anonymous said...

I think it is a better hairstyle for being naked in, though.

maddalenna said...

Lol! Here's another one for you: http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/88/31_2008/spl41763_013wtmk.xlarger.jpg

Jennifer said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jennifer said...

I saw this and thought of you.

http://bauergriffinonline.celebuzz.com/2008/07/john-mayers-postcoital-finger.php

HEE!

katiedid said...

I had to go the restroom and wipe the bleary mascara off my face after this one. I cry when I laugh too hard. Can't help it. Every one thought I was having a fit.

The Nerdy Fashionista said...

mmm... I don't know, I kind of like it! I love a buzz cut on a hot guy.