Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Jeff = Douchebag, Part II

Chris has apologized for calling Jeff that, but he deserved it! Check out juicy details of The Bus Incident (and more) on Chris' Bravo blog. Here's the second half of your recap from this week's Flipping Out.

1. Jeff enters his friend's own personal apartment at Citrus without permission, while she's out of town. He claims that he had some new appliances installed and wanted to see how they looked. He ends up cleaning/organizing her kitchen and re-arranging all of her furniture.

He sees absolutely nothing wrong with this. Jenni, who is with Jeff, is mortified. As he's filling the dishwasher with detergent, he says "she's out of detergent--better leave her a note." When they leave, he calmly remarks "it was really nice of us to do this." Ho-ly shit.

2. Valley Oak has been on the market for 21 days and Jeff is starting to panic because he really needs it to sell. He hires psychic Pamela to give the house a blessing. Ryan's all, "whatever. Won't hurt." The three of them are at the house and Pamela talks about how she's getting major bad vibes and asks if Ryan and Jeff fought there. In every room, they say. Ha! She tells them that they need to walk through the house with sage and smile at each other while speaking kindly. Here's Jeff practicing his smile:

I laughed out loud AGAIN. Look at the clenched teeth! It looked like it was hurting him.

The psychic also finds a really nasty spirit there--the man who built the house. Apparently he's insulted that Jeff altered the layout of the house. "But I thought he would like the extra closet space,"Jeff says. Is he being serious?! Don't mess with ghosts, Jeff! Especially evil ones! The psychic performs an exorcism which involved a lot of coughing. Ryan is a little freaked out. I, for one, was afraid she was going to barf on that beautiful Valley Oak floor.

3. Jeff and Ryan are back on the Hancock Park-cuckoo Courtney job. Jeff glosses over it with a "she apologized, and now that I understand her, I can handle it." I saw Jeff saying to Ryan in the previews "I'm nobody's bitch," in regard to working with Courtney again, but I don't think I saw it on the actual show? Somebody? Anyhow. I will be your bitch, Jeff. But don't make me ride the bus.

Then Jeff says the best thing I have heard him say to date: "She's not a dream client. Dream clients don't call people fucking idiots or assholes." Even difficult-to-impress Frank, my captive audience, laughed at this part.

Courtney wears a dreadful hat while antique shopping with Ryan.

It looked more visor-like on the show. Maybe with a sundress at a Great Gatsby party, but not here. Sorry Court, but you can do better.

4. Another mind-numbing conversation between Jeff and Chris. Chris says to Jeff, "I assume that we have Memorial Day off?" Jeff responds as follows: "Do you know what happens when you assume? You make an ass out of u and me." Incidentally, my best friend in 6th grade got in big trouble for passing me a note that said this.

Jeff once again starts to torture poor beat-down Chris. Chris asks for Memorial Day off and Jeff says that he and Zoila can't both be off and that Zoila has already asked for that day off. In fact, "Zoila has asked for [every holiday into eternity] off," so sorry Chris. You're too late with your requests.

Jeff, the problem is that you kid, you're serious, you kid, you're serious. No one can tell if you're joking. When Chris tries to clarify, you call it an attitude problem. That's crazy-making, sweetheart. STOP IT.

5. Chris attends his 3 month review. Jeff, Ryan, Jenni and Zoila (huh?) are in the room. They all talk about Chris' strong work ethic and dedication and nice personality. If I would have been in this meeting, I would have added that I like his sparkly eyes and the way he dresses. Then Jeff has to go all negative and say that 30% of the time, Chris is a complainer. Oh for fuck's sake! He's pretty much a perfect employee. Can't you just accept it, Jeff? Of course not! He goes on and on and on about the 30%. I can't go through it again. Let's just say that Chris handles it with a lot more grace than I would have (fyi, I would have kicked Jeff in the balls).

6. Jeff meets with Encino Lorie. Jeff tells her that she has no money for crown molding and she freaks.

Then he breaks the news to her that she's not getting her cushions or the garage door either. She is stunned and seriously pissed about the crown.

SCENES FROM NEXT WEEK: Someone quits Jeff's office. Shocker! Who could possibly be sick of Jeff's sadistic managerial style? Also, Courtney's husband arrives on the scene and he appears to have anger issues too.

Jeff, email me to let me know what your schedule is. Your need for a hug is quite urgent.




Megan said...


Megan said...

Oh, it really doesn't help that Courtney has such a pinched-looking face. It really accentuates her bitchiness to the nth.

Anonymous said...

I thought the husband who shows up was Lorrie's husband. ?? Would make sense since she is not getting what she wants, right?

Paloma said...

The smiling scene was hilarious! Have you seen my most recent post? You'll never guess who Chris is related to!

Paloma said...

The smiling scene was hilarious! Have you seen my most recent post? You'll never guess who Chris is related to!

maison21 said...

so how fun- i'm watching the episode WHILE reading your recap! highlight of the episode for moi? jeff saying he was 38 years old during chris's review- i thought lighting would strike!

and i heart chris. he can come get mentored at the maison21 atelier anytime...

franki durbin said...

This season is killing me. The drama is SO much better once you're completely invested in the people's lives. Jeff is the Tony Soprano of real estate: a charming sociopath.

And, am I wrong, or is Jenni looking more fab every day? And that hair? I'd love locks like that. Chris E. is such a fool for letting her go...

Cricket said...

SGM - you are FANTASTIC!

I want to jump into my TV when I watch Jeff Lewis and his office.

Barb said...

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
The psychic scene still makes me giggle. Thanks for the pictures. Again, fabulous recap!

SGM said...

Barb, the homemade smile pics were just for you. :)

Is it Lorie's husband? I've already deleted my episode.

Richie Designs said...

the whole going into his tenants home without prior knowledge is so incredibly maddening [is that a word] to me. It's SO illegal and then on top of it touching all her stuff and moving it around. I'd be out of there lightening fast if I were her.

creepy creepy creepy.

He's such a freak and yes a total douche bag

zakary said...

I would welcome Jeff Lewis with open arms if he wanted to come into my house and organize under my sink and run my dishwasher.

Love it.

Barb said...

Thanks SGM!!! I have been back about 6 times to look at those pics cuz I am having a stressful day and they take the pressure off by making me giggle. My co-workers must think I am a wierdo!

katiedid said...

Jeff, will you come to my house and clean everything out and re-arrange? God knows I could use the help

I did think it was very sweet when Jeff said he was "nobody's bitch....except yours" to Jenni. He is trying his best to be nice to her.

Thanks SGM! I can always count on you. :)

The Lil Bee said...

I just watched on DVR and am now watching today's episode. His clenched teeth were insane! Where's his wax figure at Madam Tussaud?!

The Lil Bee said...

I just watched on DVR and am now watching today's episode. His clenched teeth were insane! Where's his wax figure at Madam Tussaud?!