SPOOKY

Our beloved Bravo is showing The Omen right now, followed by The Exorcist. I love seasonal tv.

Happy Halloween!

"I can't stand fake-ass girls"

Me too, NeNe.

Well speak of the devil! Look who it is...


Some fake-ass girls! NeNe was referring to Sheree, but I'm going to go ahead and put Kim in that category too--I wouldn't be at all surprised if her ass was indeed fake.

My friend who does marketing for Bravo told me that Atlanta's viewership is up 20% compared with that of New York's. What do you think about that? I didn't expect to like this show, but I DO. Maybe even more than New York. Crazy, I know.

Read on for the delicious trash that is The Real Housewives of Atlanta:

1. Kim and her friend Cori are at some swank brunch place. They order some "Dom" for their mimosas. While wearing sunglasses.


Kim's drunk already, or just stupid, because she asks Cori what's up with the "poison fish" on the menu. Cori has to explain to her that "poisson" is French for fish. Still wearing sunglasses.

Sheree is supposed to be at brunch, but doesn't show so Kim calls her. Turns out Sheree is sick and Kim is "really worried." Kim tells the camera that she has a nursing degree (what?) and is going to take Sheree some medicine. NeNe, who arrives late to brunch, says, "Honey, the only thing that's going to fix Sheree is a smack in the face!" Oh, wait--that's what I said. But you know NeNe wanted to say it too.

2. Next, Kim rushes to Sheree's side with some Theraflu:


Sheree invites Kim in and shows her the photo album from Sheree's birthday bash. Kim looks at the photos and remarks that Sheree is the the black version of Kim, that they look so much alike. Sheree nods emphatically. Huh? I was waiting for a burst of laughter from either one of them, but it never came.

THEN comes one of the best parts of the show, because what do we see in the photo album? Photos of NeNe and Kim being kicked out of the party. Several of them: NeNe looking outraged, Kim pointing at the guest list, Kim with the "whatever" look on her face. IN THE PHOTO ALBUM.


What the mother-loving eff? I'm imagining Sheree coming across this album when she's 80 and saying wistfully, "ah, yes...remember when I humiliated NeNe like that? Look at how furious she was! What a fond memory that is for me."

Is Kim phased by any of this? Not at all. To the contrary, she "that was when NeNe wasn't on the guest list, remember? And she couldn't come in." As if Sheree had forgotten!

To the camera, Sheree makes a nasty comment that NeNe is an unhappy person, and you'd be unhappy too if you were NeNe. Watch your back, Sheree. NeNe will not let that comment slide.

3. NeNe meets up with Dwight, her "gay boyfriend" who is also a celebrity hairstylist. He won me over with his opening line of "what's goin' on with the bitches, honey?" Here is yet another bit of free advice to Bravo: these two need to have their own show. Watch the clip here, because while I could transcribe their conversation, I could never capture Dwight's exquisite accent and mannerisms and NeNe's tone of voice and eye-rolling as she responds to him. Magical, and truly entertaining.


The gist of the conversation is that NeNe wants Dwight to help her son Brice pick out a suit. Also, Dwight predicts that DeShawn's fundraiser will be a bomb (foreshadowing...).

4. Then there's a bunch of stuff about Lisa, and I'm just going to choose to ignore her because her storyline just doesn't interest me that much. But I will say that her husband Ed is HOT.

5. Kim organizes a spa day with Cori, Sheree and NeNe. I was so relieved to hear this because Kim obviously has so much stress in her life. Really, how does she cope? Anyhow, NeNe cancels because Sheree is invited. Kim's upset and thinks NeNe is being immature. When Sheree shows up, and Kim and Sheree trade cliches while trash-talking NeNe. Went something like this: "Dont' be a hater!" "Be who you are!" "Be real!" "If you got it, you got it!"

After getting a $300 massage, Kim visits Sheree during her facial and commences getting creepy by gushing to everyone ad nauseam about how beautiful Sheree is. "She's stoopid beautiful," she tells the aesthetician. Queen Frostine, of course, eats it all up: "You're too kind, Kim," she coos.

6. I should tell you that at this point, Kim and Sheree have been talking about how DeShawn's fundraiser is going to be a joke because it's not exclusive enough and "very unprofessional."

7. Kim and Sheree have dinner together with their kids. Kim tells Sheree that her son looks like O.J. If I were Sheree, I would have said, "Oh, isn't that funny? I was just thinking that Brielle looks like Charles Manson!" But seriously--the son is a mini-Denzel. Super-cute.

Topics of conversation include haters, being real, and the burdens of being both beautiful and popular.

8. DeShawn is shown getting ready for her Diamond Gala fundraiser, which is being held at her house. She's bubbling with excitement. Foreshadowing...

9. NeNe, Dwight and Brice meet to buy Brice a custom-made conservative suit. Again, this scene defies description. What you don't see here is that Dwight is carrying a large, metallic handbag.

LOVE HIM. The "conservative" suit turns out to be a particularly bright royal blue windowpane print, which just cracks me up. There is talk of hoodlums (pronounced "who'd-lums"), drawers (as in underwear) and NeNe ends up dropping $6626.

10. Kim's shows up at DeShawn's letting us know that she's wearing a $1.5 million necklace and a D&G gown. With her tits hanging out, of course. Sheree shows up in a full-length fur and is pissed that there is no coat check. She has to send it out to her car with an assistant. Check out this bitchface:

Yikes.

Kim buys a $14,800 diamond bracelet and tells the camera that although there are tons of people there, no one is buying anything. She makes bitchy comments to her goon Cori. My notes taper off here because the next scenes were truly painful to watch.

NeNe is heading up the live auction with a local tv personality and NO ONE is bidding. Not a soul. Watching NeNe flop around up there, pained smile plastered on her face, while guests are just milling around, not even listening, was agony. I had to turn off the show when the professional athletes were standing next to NeNe, chests puffed out, waiting to be auctioned off, and there was not a bid in sight.

I had to wait a full 24 hours later before I could watch again to see that the auction was aborted. The million dollars that DeShawn wanted to raise? It only turned out to be $10,000, which didn't even cover the cost of the event. DeShawn retreats to her room in tears. Sad.


Kim, the lady that she is, is standing in the driveway smoking a cigarette as people stream out the door. She calls Big Papa: "I'm bored...I'm fucking starving, this wine is terrible, I gotta go." Minion Cori is the background punctuating Kim's call with lots of "YEAH! YEAH!" By the way, you can read more about BP's possible identity here. Verrrry interesting!


That's pretty much it. Next week promises to be espeically ugly, and I'm not just talking about Kim's singing--big blowout between NeNe and Kim. Watch out!

Thoughts?

Last night's Top Design - SPOILER

One of my kids was up all night barfing and Bravo has no Top Design photos up yet (except for Ondine's room above) so I have no energy/hot Jeff photos for a real post. Let's answer the following questions instead: what's up with Jeff's hatred of Eddie Ross? Will someone get the scoop from Eddie on this? Was anyone else freaked out by Eddie's non-stop smiling and laughter upon being cut? Are you surprised by the final three? Who's your favorite to win? (Is anyone even watching this show?)

The bitch is back!

Thank God. Jeff Lewis is guest judging again tonight on Top Design. Don't miss it!

"We're gonna start bidding on this bitch for $2!"

OH GOD, how I love NeNe! She said this at a meeting for DeShawn's fundraiser, pretending to be the auctioneer after someone suggested that a date with Sheree be auctioned. Hahahaha! Good one, NeNe.

I know I am so far behind on the recaps for this show, but I just can't skip over them and start with tomorrow's episode. There are complicated storylines developing, and they must be deconstructed, discussed, and made fun of by yours truly.

Here's the quick and dirty on The Real Housewives of Atlanta:

EPISODE 2:

1. Kim throws an $18,000 birthday party for her 11 year old daughter Brielle. It involves a Hummer limo, several catered meals, a wedding cake flown in from California, endless gifts, a hotel stay, a fashion show and some sort of grown-up cocktail party. Oh, and a massage for Kim because because the party planner stressed her out. Poor thing.

The crowning moment is when Brielle receives a $1600 Louis Vuitton purse from Kim. What a fucking cheapskate! Why not the bigger size for $2200? Don't you love her? It's no surprise that Brielle is completely overwhelmed and acting like a spoiled brat, enough so that Kim has to pull her aside and say something along the lines of "what the hell is your problem?" Brielle rolls her eyes and bonks Kim on the head with a balloon. Kim gives a "what can you do?" shrug and smiles as Brielle runs off. You know the LV purse is already laying on the ground with frosting smeared all over it.


I almost forgot! Do you want to see Kim's birthday party outfit?


You can never have too much cleavage at an eleven year old's party!

2. DeShawn has an office (in a real office building!) for her foundation. Even the little plaque outside that says "The DeShawn Snow Foundation" can't hide the fact that this office is about as real as Kim's hair, which is to say TOTALLY FAKE. It is pristinely clean, with no pen, piece of paper or "World's Richest Lady" coffee cup in sight. We see DeShawn ostensibly taking notes on a laptop while interviewing someone to be her assistant, and she is irked when the applicant doesn't "know who I am." Tip to future applicants: ask DeShawn for an autograph upon meeting her. You'll be hired on the spot!

3. NeNe and Sheree have apparently talked and sorted out The Big Party Rebuff. There are no details. I'm not buying it for one second--they see each other at Brielle's cocktail party and act as fake as DeShawn's office to each other. Mark my words, NeNe's about to pounce.


EPISODE 3:

1. Kim, who smokes like a chimney throughout the entire episode, annouces that she wants to be a country singer. This is mostly based on the fact that people tell her she looks like Carrie Underwood and Faith Hill. Don't laugh--she's being serious. When NeNe, one of Kim's closest friends, hears that Kim wants to be a singer, this is her expression:


which is to say "are you fucking kidding me?" Yeah, I'm not sure Kim realizes that singers really have to sing. She's kind of jumped the gun with her album cover photo shoot


but she is working with mega-producer Dallas Austin, which is rock solid proof that Big Poppa is very powerful and is calling in a HUGE favor. Why is the media not getting on this Big Poppa business?! Who do you think he is?

When Kim meets with Dallas, she's chain smoking and drinking and blathering like an idiot.


When Dallas talks to the camera, his whole attitude is one of amusement, like "I'm a hip-hop producer and she wants me to do country? With these retarded songs that her kids' music teacher wrote?" Dallas is smart man--before he commits to anything, he tells Kim that she must visit a voice coach. From the previews, we all know how that turns out, but I'm tuning in to see Kim's reaction.

2. DeShawn's planning a fundraiser to support her foundation. She wants to raise $1 million in one night, which everyone (Sheree, Kim) thinks is ridiculous. DeShawn and Sheree have a little spat over DeShawn not personally calling Sheree to ask her to be part of the auction.

3. DeShawn makes a very consipicuous visit to church and writes a very conspicuous check for $15,000. YOU'RE RICH, DeShawn! WE GET IT.

4. Lisa has a make-up party (which is the Atlanta equivalent of the Real Housewives of NYC cooking party?) and tries to convince Sheree to participate in the auction. The make-up party actually looks pretty fun, until we see this part:


I swear, these women have to have a professional photographer to document their every move. What do they do with all of these creepy photos?

5. NeNe is at Kim's and does a hip-hop version of Kim's proposed first single called "Don't Be Tardy to the Party" (!!!) and it is AWESOME.

6. NeNe gets a letter from an aunt telling her that her father is not her real father.


The aunt also writes "I hear you have a nice house and a nice car," so maybe you could, you know, help a sister out? NeNe is shocked and upset by all of this. Her mom's not alive, so she calls the deadbeat who she has known as her father and he tells her "I've always had my doubts." NeNe's going to have a DNA test done to put the issue to rest.


7. There's a bunch of other stupid crap that went on with Lisa and Sheree, but you can live without it.


Watch more juicy drama unfold Tuesday night!


P.S. Guess which idiot forgot to record the Real Housewives of Orange County on Oprah? ME. If you watched it, please report.

The OC Housewives on Oprah

Set your dvrs, my people! On Monday, the women of The Real Housewives of Orange County will be on Oprah. That's right, you heard me: Oprah is finally recognizing the brilliance that is RHOC! But apparently only to point out how tacky and unsophisticated they look. A writer for O Magazine describes the Orange County look:

1. Hair: blonde and long

2. Skin: very tan (often spray-tanned)

3. Teeth: blindingly white

4. Lips: conspicuously full

5. Noses: pert

6. Breasts: notably large

7. Tummies: flat; hips: nonexistent

8. Nails: long, French-tipped, and square

9. Jewelry: big and frequently diamond

10. Clothes: mostly pastels, corals; formfitting and revealing (SGM would like to add Juicy sweatsuits)

While most people would see this description as being mildly insulting, the OC housewives consider it a recipe for loveliness! After Oprah's staff gives the cast members "make-unders" in an attempt to make them look more polished and age-appropriate, all of them (except Jeana) can't wait to get back to their OC style.

So . . . what do we think of Lauri's make-under?


Oy. The cleavage was there for a reason--to distract us from the face. (sorry Lauri)(but it's true)

See all of the before and after photos here. What do you think?

The new season of RHOC premieres November 25.

Ick

Outfit from a bondage store
a sweaty slip 'n' slide

Pinky ring and lace up pants
High society stamps 'DENIED'

Fun Friday Activity!

Play the song below, preferably at a very high volume. Start dancing and/or clapping like you've LOST your MIND.

The people who join in with you or at least smile are fun-lovers. Stick with them. Anyone who has no reaction or a negative reaction to this song--stay away. They're like, zombies or something.





Have the best Friday ever!



P.S. I am so far behind on my tv watching but am trying to catch up. Real Housewives of Atlanta is so full of trashy goodness--Kim threw an $18,000 party for her eleven year old! And there were only 10 guests! YES. Recaps soon.

Lucky Magazine and the French Revolution

This has been the main feature on Lucky's website for a few days now, and every time I see it, I think I must be hallucinating:


I can't even process the fact that we are supposed to be clamoring to win an outfit from Target.

Nothing against Target. Who doesn't love Target? I own clothes from Target and I understand that Jonathan Saunders is a big deal. But if I bought this outfit at a store, it would be tossed in a dirty cart with my Velveeta and toilet paper. WTF, Lucky? You feature luxury items in your magazine and get your readers drooling, but then when it's time for Lucky Breaks, you go all Marie Antoinette* on everyone by offering a chance at a Target outfit? WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM? You are SO asking for the guillotine. Or at the very least, a paper shredder.

In other news, I am emotionally devastated over my loss of The Most Perfect Mirror Ever on ebay. Like, seriously, I can't even write about it because my heart will fall out of my chest and onto the floor. WHY, God? Why does the sneaky and mysterious h**w now own my mirror?!

I'm going to eat some Halloween candy right now and try to make some sense of my life. Have a lovely night. Or day. Whatever. I love you.



*By the way, I did read her biography and I know that her reputation for excess might not be deserved and that she never said "let them eat cake." But this is her legacy, and please just let me have my reference to French culture here.

No podcast tonight but

we'll be back soon after some revamping, re-tooling, and high-powered salary negotiations.

Do you know what you should do tonight instead? Watch The Pick Up Artist 2 on VH1, starring... Mystery:

Wait! Hear me out! I know he looks like the the ultimate douchebag--a poor man's Tommy Lee, if you will--but this guy is teaching social skills to people who have none. And I mean NONE. I'm telling you, he's Annie Sullivan! It's a fascinating show. Trust me on this, and please report back if you watch, or if you watched last season. I need to talk about this show!

"You got me Dylan McKay's car!"

Oh, Rach! I was so very with you until you uttered these words after Rodger surprised you with a car that looks like, yes, Dylan McKay's. I wish you could have seen me on the couch, cringing at the fact that these were your parting words and that you still cling to the memory of this douchebag. But don't worry--I'll get over it. It actually made me feel a little superior to you, which I appreciated.

Can you believe the first season of The Rachel Zoe Project is over? Let's recap!


1. Rachel's perched on the kitchen counter in her robe talking to Rodger about how insanely busy she's going to be during Oscars. She's dressing 2 presenters and 5 attendees and is relieving stress by bitching to/at Rodger, who backs out of the room saying "I love you" in a quiet calming voice as if she was a wild animal about to attack. By the way, will you look at Rodger here?


A dude with a mother-effin wedge and a sweatsuit. Rachel, how the hell am I supposed to convince people that Rodger is straight when he has a wedge?

2. It's 3 days until the Oscars and there's much discussion about Jen Garner's dress (I'm going to call her Jen because I think she would want me to). She's wearing Oscar de la Renta for sure, but who knows which dress. Rach talks about Oscar's collection at Bryant Park and says "UN. Believable. It died." (that part deserved bold, don't you think?). Jen is interviewed and talks about how much she loves Rachel, she discovered Rachel, blah blah blah, I couldn't really focus becuase what the motherlove is going on with Jen's face? She seems really nice and all, but the lips? And the cheekbones? I need a plastic surgeon to consult for this blog.

Taylor tries on some of Jen's options, which include a "fairy princess Cinderella tulle dress that screams 'wear me to the Oscars please'" that Rachel thinks is more of a nominee's dress:


then there's a black dress custom made for Jen by Oscar himself but not pictured here because it's kind of a yawner, and finally, Rachel's fave:


There will be much discussion about how hard Rachel will push for this dress because although she thinks it's bananas, it's very fashion forward and the media might hate it.

Also--Taylor has a fantastic figure and even she couldn't zip these babies up. What the hell?

3. With "Jen, Cameron, Demi and Kate" to dress (who are the three others who weren't mentioned?) and their pissy-fussy-diva schedules, it's a nightmare for Rach. She hopes that Taylor and Brad will quit their bitchfighting and pull together to help her. Rachel says "during the Oscars, I literally want to cut myself in half." Really? Because humans can't regenerate body parts, Rachel. You'd just be a big bloody dead mess.

4. I have the same shoe size as Demi Moore! SWEET.

5. Jen Garner does this dramatic interpretation of the hair/make-up/stylist people who will swirl around her on Oscars day. It's kind of funny in a "The Oscars! What a hassle!" way. We see a ultra serious meeting attended by Rachel, Jen's hair person and her make-up person.


6. 30 hours till red carpet. The clock is ticking! Rachel assembles millions and jillions of shoe and jewelry looks for Jen and everyone else she's dressing. "The vision changes 10 minutes before [red carpet time] and I don't have the right stuff with me...that's not okay."

7. I do not understand why all of this is so last minute. Why couldn't all have this been done a week ago?

8. Brad and Rachel are chit chatting in the house and Taylor is huffing around, working her butt off, and about to blow. Tay complains about Brad being so up Rachel's ass. Uh, actually Taylor, that's me. Anyway. What does Taylor do? Throws a big tantrum and storms out THE DAY BEFORE THE OSCARS. Taylor's not answering her phone and Rachel is freaking out.

9. Cut to Rodger, who's surfing the internet to find Rachel's 10th anniversary present, the "same car that Dylan McKay drives in Beverly Hills 90210!" Rodger. That's the GAYEST thing I've ever heard besides "I like to lick balls." If you truly are straight (and I think you are) please make references to Caddyshack or Roadhouse next season instead of freaking Dylan McKay. Good God.

10. Tay texts Rachel to tell her that she's in Rachel's driveway. Then there's a lot of complain-whine-complain from Taylor and coddle-beg-coddle from Rachel.


Brad hears from Joey the make-up dude that Taylor stormed out because of the whole up-the-ass of Rachel thing. Brad says, "what is this? Highschool?!" Yes, Brad, it is. P.S. I think I saw some tiny sparks flying between Brad and Joey.

11. Spoken word, by Rachel Zoe, in the car:


It's Oscar day
I'm on my way
to the first client of the day

She made this up while texting, you guys! Amazing.

12. Brad's tummy hurts from the stress. Taylor snorts to the camera "Rachel's afraid I'm gonna quit but I have too much work ethic." Riiight, Ms. Stormer-Outer! She talks about how there will never be a good time to leave Rachel, so "I'll always be stuck with Rachel because I have Jewish guilt even though I'm not Jewish." Yeah, okay.

Rachel, I have a feeling you're going to laugh and blow this off, but DON'T. She's holding you hostage! Make Rodge fire her.

13. 6 hours till Oscars and I have to admit that Brad is moving kind of slowly and joking around as if he has all the time in the world (he doesn't, btw). Brad and Taylor are being civil to each other. Big conversation about the kit that they all must carry when they dress clients--it has shoes pads, nipple covers, etc. This is what we call foreshadowing.

14. Taylor is in a room with Joey and says about her kit "if Brad stole my fucking thongs, I'm gonna kill him! I hate everyone!" In my head, I heard the slamming of a bedroom door. It's like she's auditioning for the part of Sullen Teenager in some crappy made-for-tv movie about divorce.


15. We see Rodger cruising around in the Dylan car, not a care in the world, while his wife is running around like a chicken with her head cut off.

16. 4 hours before red carpet. Rach is leaving Jen's and going to Cameron's. Jen went for the black dress. Apparently Ben liked it.

Pretty, and it looks much better on JG than when it was in Rachel's studio on a hanger. Who's the blonde in the background? Do they just let anyone on the red carpet?

17. Brad is supposed to be at Cameron's but has to leave to put out another fire, so Rachel goes to Cameron's alone. I am very tense and emotionally eating at this point because I know that some shit is going to hit the fan SOON.

18. Rachel is home. All of the clients are in their cars. Rachel calls Tay to tell her that she just averted a near disaster and that Brad is to blame. Screeeeeeech! Brad forgot to leave her with a kit and shoe options and jewlery options for Cameron. Cameron never knew (she does now!) because Joey came to the rescue.


I finish a bag of chips and wonder why Rach and Joey are in sunglasses.

19. It's red carpet time. Rachel talks about firing Brad. "I want to go to the nearest bridge right now,"she says. Oh, Rach. No wonder you have an ulcer. Taylor tells the camera, "I personally would never want to disappoint her, and Brad did." And swear to God, there is a hint of a smile.

20. Rachel is ensconced in that little bedroom with Joey and Brad is escorted in. Brad bursts into tears, and his anguish over nipple covers and shoes? It darn near breaks my heart.


I'm so used to Jeff Lewis that I almost expect her to go apeshit on him. But instead, she says "it's not that bad. It's clothes. We're not saving lives." Taylor is lurking outside of the door, eavesdropping, and I'm sure she was eagerly waiting for the hammer to fall. Rachel starts to explain to Brad how everyone makes mistakes, even Taylor--and then Taylor bursts in and starts sca-reaming like a banshee at Rachel, then Brad. Brad is all "I'm going home" and leaves. Taylor storms out and Rachel tells the camera that Taylor makes it difficult for anyone to join the team. Yeah, did you just figure that out?

21. They're all inside wearing sunglasses (except for Rodger) and eating take-out (except for Rachel) when Brad texts Rachel to tell her he quits because he can't work with the RAGING SNATCH that is Taylor (raging snatch is not exactly what he said, but that was the subtext).

Taylor starts foaming at the mouth and yelling "IT'S BRAD OR I!" over and over in such a way that I think guac will start shooting out of her mouth a la The Exorcist. Rachel speaks to Taylor in comforting Rachelese: "You are my life. You do everything right, and we all know that, okay?" She gets Taylor somewhat mollified and then tells Taylor she needs to call Brad and make up. And guess what? Taylor does! She's sincerely nice and apologetic to him on the phone--there are no nasty looks, even--and Brad is back on the team. Whew.

Team Zoe is one big happy family again and they celebrate. I imagine Rodger is saying "wazzup mah bitchez!" in this picture:


But what he really says is "Tay's all grown up!" and it's pretty funny. Rodger, despite all of my concerns with your hair, wardrobe and references to 90210, I think you're a good guy and definitely good for Rachel.

22. Rodger suprises Rachel with "Dylan McKay's car" and they drive off into the sunset.



What did you think of this episode and this season? Did I overreact about Dylan McKay? Have you ever heard nipple covers mentioned so many times in one hour? Will you watch if there's another season? Tell me everything.

"What is this 'bananas'?"

Rachel talks to the LA Times about her catch phrases, being a "pox on humanity," and whether she wants to come back for another season. Read it here.

See you tonight after the finale!

"I've always wanted a Louis Vuitton birthday cake."

Oh, but of course you have, you obnoxious woman! In the premiere episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta, it's Sheree's birthday. You know, the one who's at the tail end of a long drawn-out divorce and looking for "a lump sum, some seven figures"? The one who claims she's down to earth, yet "can't live without [her] entourage"? And by entourage, she doesn't mean friends, she means her huge staff: a chef, publicist, hair and make-up people, a personal assistant (who is name-checked as Evander Holyfield's daughter), and some other unnamed dude who seems to be her event planner/butler/gay husband. Plus we see a maid roaming around in uniform more degrading than Zoila's. All of this help for someone who has no paying job.

Sheree's party was eerily similar to the parties featured on My Super Sweet Sixteen on MTV (particularly Jazmin's, which is SO worth watching). Sadly, Sheree is not turning 16, and her sense of entitlement and astonishing lack of humility are even less charming at age 38. More about her party later.


If you'd like to read more about Sheree in general, please visit this site for a lively and highly entertaining debate on Sheree's character from people who claim to know her. My favorite quote, directed at the whole cast (I think), is "the real women of Atlanta need to kick yall azz." FOR SURE.

Now that we've established that Sheree is a complete asshole, let's look at the others:


This is Lisa Wu Hartwell behind the wheel of her Hummer. She introduces herself as follows: "I am a real estate broker, a clothing designer, I also paint and make jewelry and I write movies and I'm an actress." And an astronaut! And unicorn tamer! Okay, okay, she didn't say those last two, but I couldn't resist the perfect set-up. If you thought Vicki from Real Housewives of OC was hyper, she's got nothing on Lisa. Lisa makes Vicki look like an invalid. She's also very tight with Sheree, so that's just another mark against her.

Next is Deshawn, who is married to NBA player Eric Snow and just moved into a ginormous mansion that is decorated like a model home (not a compliment, Deshawn). She seems very sweet, but then some incredibly dumb shit comes out of her mouth.


For example, her husband is out of town most of the week during basketball season. "It's hard when Eric's not here; I'm somewhat of a single parent," she laments and then Bravo's brilliant editing kicks in with Deshawn talking about how she's going to hire an estate manager, chef, executive housekeeper, maid staff, nanny and governess (yes that's right, a nanny and a governess). There's also a scene where her young kids are bouncing off of the walls and she leaves the room, saying "I'll be down in the [private] beauty salon if you need me." I'm sure single parents all over the country are crying her an effing river.

Ne Ne!


Poor Ne Ne was completely humiliated on national television by Sheree. Apparently Ne Ne and Sheree have a complicated history (think Jill Zarin and Ramoner), but Sheree invited Ne Ne to her birthday party. Ne Ne buys a new D&G dress, hires her favorite make-up artist, and is shown bubbling over with excitement about the party, but when she shows up to Sheree's, she gets turned away at the door because her name wasn't on the list. OOOOOOOOOOOH! Security is called! Cut to Sheree at the party, who glibly tells the camera it was "an accident." Cut to Ne Ne in the driveway, screaming for her car and justifiably furious and embarrassed. Instead of going out to rectify the situation herself, Sheree has her publicist apologize and invite Ne Ne in, which everyone knows is total bullshit move and just adding insult to injury. Sheree, I don't know Ne Ne personally, but if I were you, I'd sleep with one eye open. There will be PAYBACK, and it will be BLOODY. I can't wait!

Finally, Kim. I actually like her because there is no pretense of any type of work or productive activity. Her life and her luxury brand addiction is readily admitted and generously funded by her sugar daddy, aka Big Papa, who is a celebrity but doesn't want to be on camera. I, for one, am so curious as to who this dude is. Also, this is a wig, right?


I had two favorite Kim moments in this episode. First, when she changes into a one-of-a-kind Britney Spears c. 1999 streetwalker outfit at a gas station en route to Sheree's party.

"This is just not classy and I'm so classy" she says as she rolls her eyes and shimmies into her outfit. Gotta love a girl who can operate without a stick up her ass (SHEREE). But for real, who (aside from Kim Kardashian and porn stars) wears thigh high boots to a fancy party? WHO?

My other favorite Kim moment was when Kim's best pal Ne Ne was turned away at Sheree's party. This photo says it all:


However, I think Bravo could have more accurately dubbed it as "what-EVER!" Again, Bravo, you need me in your corporate offices. Major props to Kim for leaving with Ne Ne even though I'm sure she desperately wanted to stay. Any guesses as to how old Kim is? I was thinking 35-36, but she turned 30 during the taping of the show. Yikes. Isn't it interesting that the things people do to make them look younger actually end up aging them?


I am going to watch this show again, if only to see Ne Ne exact her revenge on Sheree. Don't disappoint me, Ne Ne girl!

Will you be watching?

One more thing--someone we all know and love is trying her hand at the recap game. This is what she has to say about Real Housewives of Atlanta:

These women are unapologetic, bringing it, blinging it, Prada-pumping, booty-jumping and letting everything hang out.

This show highlights the "Black Los Angeles" - the fortunate African American set of women who have married professional athletes, benefited from high-profile divorces or are seeded by their sugar daddies . . . .

Very interesting! Check out the rest of her review here.

For those you who haven't watched the show but want to, view it in its entirety here.

Podcast Monday Night!

Join Decorno, Elaine and me for our Monday podcast at 8 PM (PST)/11PM (EST). Personally, I'd like to talk about my deep fear that Kenley is going to win Project Runway. Did you see her Bryant Park collection? (it hasn't aired yet, so if you don't want to see it, don't click.) Call in to chat, won't you?


photo from Cake Wrecks
(speaking of wrecks, my Real Housewives of Atlanta post is imminent)

Look who's not so fucking perfect after all!

Check out my new Martha Stewart garland:


Who knew she couldn't spell?! Poor thing (I say as I cackle like a little old biddy).

Am I the only one?

When settling down on the couch to watch Entourage (or any other cable show), does anyone else's husband/boyfriend whisper "c'mon, nudity! c'mon, NUDITY!" and then when this comes on the screen:


"YES!" and a mini-fist pump?

Yeah. That's what I thought.