Sunday, March 2, 2008

April 3 is Unacceptable

[SGM, in a bikini top and cut-offs, screaming drunkenly in a Jersey accent]

"Listen up, you NBC mother-[bleepers]! I had to find out through a [bleeping] commercial that my regular Thursday night line-up won't [bleeping] resume until April 3? What a bunch of [bleeping bleeps]! Who's in control, you or the [bleeping] writers who [bleep] your tranny asses every night? April 3 ain't doing it for me, o-[bleeping]-kay? If I don't get some real [bleeping] tv soon, I will beat your [bleeping bleep] so hard that you will be begging me to let you clean the [bleeping] toilets on the set of Flavor of Love 3."*

*Note to NBC: This is what happens when real tv shows are taken away and one has no choice but to watch reality tv all of the time. I learned how to do some serious incoherent trash-talking, binge drinking and boobie-flashing while you sat around in your cushy offices "negotiating." You have created this monster, and if The Office and 30 Rock do not resume by March 13, I will come to your offices and go white-trash nutty on all y'all.

As Vanessa from A Shot at Love (pictured above) said during an interview in Episode 5, "just [bleeping] respect me" (I know I bashed this show previously, but I needed to make a point about gross reality tv and nothing is more gross (grosser?) than A Shot at Love).


Sucker For Marketing said...

You go girl! Tell them! I loved seeing you this weekend, by the way!

amber said...

You not only took the words right out of my mouth, but you added all the good parts just where I'd stick 'em. April 3rd - so not acceptable!

SGM said...

SFM, I loved seeing you too!
Thanks, Amber. The writers' strike has really expanded my vocab!

I am Trish Marie said...

While Vanessa is fun, I myself, prefer to talk like Dominico....and wear really tight shorts that read, "That's Amore." Damn strike. Look what it has done to me. I now consider good tv to be shows such as "Pussycat Dolls: Girlicious" and "The Gauntlet."