Wednesday, January 23, 2008
A Group Hug for All (except you, Jo)
Good afternoon, my friends! Let's get to the recap of (well, mostly commentary on) the season finale of Real Housewives of Orange County.
1. Lauri's therapy session with Josh: Lauri, why do you make this kid's life even worse by forcing him to air his problems on national television? I can tell that you really love him, but why would you sit him down in front of the harsh glare of spotlights to talk about his deepest feelings? That would send me running back to the crack pipe in no time.
I must admit though, I shed a tear during this segment. We all have problems, you know?
The one good thing that came out of this was that I think I can confirm that Lauri has had corrective surgery on her cleft palette. Or it could be the case that copious collagen injections to her upper lip gives the impression of a repaired cleft palette. Opinions on which one it is?
2. Quinn's alter ego "Roxy": I don't even want to write about this, I was so grossed out. But did anyone else think that Billy didn't recognize her for the first 60 seconds he was trying to pick her up? I could have recognized her dangling bosom from a mile away, but Billy? Not so sure about that.
Good for you for breaking up with him. I couldn't take any more of your desperation. Chill, Quinn, on the manhunt.
3. Lauri's wedding: Lauri, I owe you an apology. I predicted that your third wedding would be an inappropriate and gross display of George's wealth. But you know what? I thought it was beautiful and not at all tacky (except for maybe the pink lighting in the tent, but who can tell without being there in person). You are entitled to have a big ol' fancy party to celebrate your love. I was also pleasantly surprised at how chaste your wedding kiss was. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you, girl.
Enough of the warm fuzzies--was she eating the ENTIRE time she was getting ready? I guess that's good; she's so skinny and I suppose she didn't want to pass out putting on that big gown. And did you all like Lauri a little better after seeing how normal her family is? I liked her even more for not feeling obligated to invite Quinn.
So is Ashley getting the car or what? And what was the budget for this shindig?
4. Tamra Barney: You weren't really on this show much, but I must mention you because I finally saw your 40th bday party episode, and I would love to be your friend in real life. I am delighted to no end when you grab people's boobs, and I just think you've got a great sense of humor. (Note: I put Tamra's full name here so that when she googles herself, she can read this post and email me. Hi Tamra!)
5. Vicki and her "issues": Vicki, you must see a therapist asap regarding your jealously and control issues (but I beg of you, have the dignity to not do it on tv). I have never heard more insincere complimenting nor seen more forced smiling in my life than on the last 2 episodes. Also, when your daughter has to cut you off (at Jeana's party), that's a bad sign. And Don? I think he needs to be with Jeana. Despite all of this, I like you Vicki. Pull your shit together.
6. Jeana's party: All right, this is getting long so I'll wrap it up. This party probably cost as much as my wedding. Sushi and an open bar for what looked to be 125 people (well, that's what my wedding was)? Good lord. And back to Vicki--how high maintenance can she get? She drank her signature drink, a "blue cheese stuffed olive dirty martini." Holy Jesus. You know Jeana had to order the olives special for her.
My special message to Jo: you suck. You suck beyond comprehension. You act like a 16 year old who is trying to get the attention of the popular boys. My girl Tamra agrees, too and so does Ashley. I love how this show is edited so that we are able to witness every innuendo concerning the travesty that is Jo and her music career.
All right, if you've made it this far, then congratulations. Overall, the show wrapped up nicely and I was quite pleased with the finale. I'd love to hear your takes--fire away!
EDIT: Yummy gossip on Housewives' real estate (and info about Slade too--I always wondered how he could afford that house, Jo, and the obnoxious Hummer. Turns out, he can't!). Thank you, Paloma of La Dolce Vita for the most excellent tip!