Wednesday, January 23, 2008

A Group Hug for All (except you, Jo)

Good afternoon, my friends! Let's get to the recap of (well, mostly commentary on) the season finale of Real Housewives of Orange County.

1. Lauri's therapy session with Josh: Lauri, why do you make this kid's life even worse by forcing him to air his problems on national television? I can tell that you really love him, but why would you sit him down in front of the harsh glare of spotlights to talk about his deepest feelings? That would send me running back to the crack pipe in no time.

I must admit though, I shed a tear during this segment. We all have problems, you know?

The one good thing that came out of this was that I think I can confirm that Lauri has had corrective surgery on her cleft palette. Or it could be the case that copious collagen injections to her upper lip gives the impression of a repaired cleft palette. Opinions on which one it is?

2. Quinn's alter ego "Roxy": I don't even want to write about this, I was so grossed out. But did anyone else think that Billy didn't recognize her for the first 60 seconds he was trying to pick her up? I could have recognized her dangling bosom from a mile away, but Billy? Not so sure about that.

Good for you for breaking up with him. I couldn't take any more of your desperation. Chill, Quinn, on the manhunt.

3. Lauri's wedding: Lauri, I owe you an apology. I predicted that your third wedding would be an inappropriate and gross display of George's wealth. But you know what? I thought it was beautiful and not at all tacky (except for maybe the pink lighting in the tent, but who can tell without being there in person). You are entitled to have a big ol' fancy party to celebrate your love. I was also pleasantly surprised at how chaste your wedding kiss was. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you, girl.

Enough of the warm fuzzies--was she eating the ENTIRE time she was getting ready? I guess that's good; she's so skinny and I suppose she didn't want to pass out putting on that big gown. And did you all like Lauri a little better after seeing how normal her family is? I liked her even more for not feeling obligated to invite Quinn.

So is Ashley getting the car or what? And what was the budget for this shindig?

4. Tamra Barney: You weren't really on this show much, but I must mention you because I finally saw your 40th bday party episode, and I would love to be your friend in real life. I am delighted to no end when you grab people's boobs, and I just think you've got a great sense of humor. (Note: I put Tamra's full name here so that when she googles herself, she can read this post and email me. Hi Tamra!)

5. Vicki and her "issues": Vicki, you must see a therapist asap regarding your jealously and control issues (but I beg of you, have the dignity to not do it on tv). I have never heard more insincere complimenting nor seen more forced smiling in my life than on the last 2 episodes. Also, when your daughter has to cut you off (at Jeana's party), that's a bad sign. And Don? I think he needs to be with Jeana. Despite all of this, I like you Vicki. Pull your shit together.

6. Jeana's party: All right, this is getting long so I'll wrap it up. This party probably cost as much as my wedding. Sushi and an open bar for what looked to be 125 people (well, that's what my wedding was)? Good lord. And back to Vicki--how high maintenance can she get? She drank her signature drink, a "blue cheese stuffed olive dirty martini." Holy Jesus. You know Jeana had to order the olives special for her.

My special message to Jo: you suck. You suck beyond comprehension. You act like a 16 year old who is trying to get the attention of the popular boys. My girl Tamra agrees, too and so does Ashley. I love how this show is edited so that we are able to witness every innuendo concerning the travesty that is Jo and her music career.

All right, if you've made it this far, then congratulations. Overall, the show wrapped up nicely and I was quite pleased with the finale. I'd love to hear your takes--fire away!

EDIT: Yummy gossip on Housewives' real estate (and info about Slade too--I always wondered how he could afford that house, Jo, and the obnoxious Hummer. Turns out, he can't!). Thank you, Paloma of La Dolce Vita for the most excellent tip!


Paloma said...

Your observations are spot on! I thought Lauri's wedding was actually quite beautiful. I couldn't agree with you more about Roxy (How creepy was that?) and Jo. Why did Jo even show up? Isn't she like 26 or 27? Why in the hell is she always flirting with teenage boys? Let's hope she never decides to teach high school 'cause girlfriend will end up on the 5 o'clock news!

I thought Don's comment about her parking cars at the concert venue was hilarious!

amber said...

I waited ALL day for this, great dead-on review. I'll admit that I shed a tear during the Josh/Laurie scene, and the wedding (of course). Now, get ready for Real Housewives of NY!

style & grace said...

I can't wait for the "confessions" next week!! So good. Quinn's boobs are so gross I can't deal. Did anyone else notice the necklace dangling between her cleavage during Jeana's party? Ewww. Lauri's wedding turned out amazing. And if Jo thinks she can hold an audience with her own spinoff she needs to have her head examined!! I only found her entertaining when she was liquered up. Is this it forever or will there be a season 4?? Please Bravo please!!!!!

Kids Got Hitched said...

I don't know, SGM, I STILL can't deal with those chair covers! I think it ruined the whole thing for me. I am so shallow, I often hit my head on the bottom.

Agreement on wanting to be Tamra Barney's friend.

mamacita said...

1) I think it's collagen, but I'm not ruling out a cleft palate operation.

2) It's funny that she thought that gown made her look skinny; she is skinny, and it made her look chubbier.

3) Therapy on camera=needing more therapy.

4) "Roxy?" OMFUG, Quinn. That's soooo pathetic.

Sorry, SGM, that's all I caught. I'm sorry I missed the return of Jo, though.

Tara said...

I just read your comments and have a good giggle, you are SO on spot!

Anonymous said...

Great comments.
I just noticed one thing-
Josh's mystery date!
They were sitting in the front row, he had his arm around her, and her face was blurred out.
Is that who he was picking up when he was in the other town before the wedding??
All of his problems haven't slowed down his social life.

Laura said...

My favorite line was Ashley's toast to Lauri that she'll never forget that she's her mom. Huh?

It sounded like they might dish on the cost of the wedding at the confession show, but I'm sure that's just a teaser.

Paloma said...

The Real Estalker has some good gossip on several of the OC ladies and their homes. I thought you might like to read about it. :)

Abby said...

it was a fabulous episode and a fabulous recap. i too teared up at all the right moments. well i hope they were the right moments! i love laughing out loud at your recap.
just a few of my favs:

Jo showing up - parking cars comment by Don.
Roxy was outta control and the cabana shot of bobby's fake spray tan upper body and white legs in my face the whole time.
ashley continually pulling up lori's tube top over her gigantic fake boobs
vicki's drunk lazy eye
and last but not least... G DIDDY!

Anonymous said...

Good post. I too was thankful Quinn finally dumped Billy. Her desperation made me feel so uncomfortable! Maybe someone else has already mentioned this before, but does anyone else feel that Billy is a little light in the loafers? That he just might have some desire to bat for the other team?

Anonymous said...

May I add the following:
--During Lauri's psychotherapy appt with Josh I was alarmed to see that Josh has more wrinkles than his mother. A fine line on his forehead, whereas Lauri's forehead was a vast orange chemical plain...
--I dearly hope that in Season 4 we either see Vicki dealing with her alcoholism (brought on my feelings of inadequacy) or stupidly leaving her husband. Or both.
--What is up with the rubbing of the (siliconed) boobs? And yes, the disturbingly tacky bulky chain thingie that disappeared into the 8" crevice of Quinn's chest?
--Jo's only saving grace was that she was the OC ingenue, albeit sloppy ingenue. Now she looks tired and as if at any minute she might get fat.
--My one positive comment: I think Jeana is looking hot. She SHOULD make a pass at Don.
I cannot wait for the Reunion next week!

beachbungalow8 said...

ok. hold on. her wedding was icky. the flowers with the crystals? the intials? you did NOT think this was tasteful. come on. she's just a nice girl. and we want to give her credit somewhere. we so want to give her some cred.

i take back all of my cleft palette questioning. it's just weird plastic surgery that's giving her the munch 'scream' look.

and yes, jeanna is looking much better. good for her.

i'm pretty sure that the jo thing was a p.r. thing that was under contract.

why does she look so old? my s.o. said 'she looks like a haggard eskimo' not really sure why he knows what that would look like. but, ok.

roxy? i have nothing to say here.

Sara said...

My obsession with detail couldn't let me leave out that during the Josh/Lauri therapy session, Lauri was wearing her engagement ring AND wedding band. Me thinks that was all set up after the wedding...seemed a bit staged to me. Or maybe I am just cold and heartless. Either way, made for some fine television.

kelly said...

thank you, bb8! i thought the wedding was so over the top. this is her third wedding! didn't her dad look like he was thinking, "i've done THIS before"... you all shed tears during the "pyschotherapy" session with josh? i couldn't stop yelling at the "therapist"... who does that woman think she is? poor josh. i too would be on drugs if lauri were my mother...

quinn, in ridiculous. "roxy" made me sick to my stomach... and billy is such a nerd. thank god she broke up with him. no girl derserves that!

jeana... i just read (from the link on real estalker) that her former hubby is going to jail on DUI charges. poor woman. and, i agree, she is looking great. i like her.

tamra barney-- call me! i want to be friends with her. i think she is hysterical.

we should leave vicky alone. she is "building an empire."

and jo. when i see her face, i am instantly in a bad mood.

can't wait for NY housewives!

Brilliant Asylum said...

Perfect. Please tell us you will be covering NY. I watched the preview and I think there will be much to discuss.

Anonymous said...

Did anyone mention that Vicki's daughter went to the concert with her boyfriend? I was elated! Quinn is obviously a total slut at heart (slut in a good way mind you) but her religious mania won't let her go for it. Billy could have been a "friend with benefits" He really wasn't good for anything else. Vicki stop drinking, like now. My husband asked me, "do people really have huge weddings the 4th or 5th time" um yes they do!

SGM said...

Oh! So much to discuss! You all caught more than I did--I didn't hear Don's comment. I like him even more.
Kids GH, Kelly and BB8, I really DID think Lauri's wedding was beautiful. And guess what? I also think that most of Vicki's tops are cute. Maybe I am an OC girl deep down?
LOVED Tamra's G Diddy comment. I would not initiate a "boobie kiss" with TB, but I would participate in one. Did not notice Josh's date or Billy's fake tan.
Mamacita, yes, yes, yes.
Sara, EXCELLENT eye.
Anon, words can't even express how happy I was that Brianna defied Vicki. It seems to be the consensus that V is on the verge of a breakdown? Esp considering her tears that were previewed on the reunion?
This episode's gonna need another viewing. Hope the reunion is full of good stuff. If it is, you'll be hearing about it from me.
Here's to season 4!

Dirty Pirate Hooker said...

I wanna be Tamra's friend too...I love gettin drunk and booby grabbin!

Things That Inspire said...

I actually thought that the wedding was really beautiful, not because of the things they did but because it had such a loving and happy feeling to it. But, I must admit, I was dying to know how much it cost. I am shocked that they did not tell us that little detail. If it were Tamra's wedding, we would have heard all about the costs down to the penny!

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