Tuesday, January 15, 2008

More than you ever wanted to know

...about the Real Housewives of Orange County.

1. If you are unfamiliar with the show and are home right now, drop everything. Bravo is airing a marathon.

2. I MUST meet the people who wrote the Wikipedia entry for RHOC. I thought I was an expert on RHOC--no way. I am not even in the same ballpark as these people. Scroll to the bottom of the entry. There is a treasure trove of information waiting for you. If you can stomach it.

3. Vicki, Lauri and Jeana have an online store* featuring this lovely shirt:

and I must buy it. So . . .

4. I am announcing a contest.

Here's the deal: I won't be home during tonight's episode and I don't have TiVo, so I need someone to give me a recap. Watch it, summarize it as you see fit, and then email it to me at scentedglossymagazines@gmail.com. Submission deadline is tonight at midnight (mountain time) because I won't be able to sleep without knowing what happened. I will post the winning recap/commentary and send you one of those shirts, straight from the OC with love. Implants are not included.

*They sell Arbonne on their website too. Fucking Arbonne! My neighbor sells that out of her house.


Kids Got Hitched said...

Oh man, I'm so excited for tonight's show. It's like watching the discovery channel. Whether or not I can participate in this recap contest will depend on how many glasses of wine I've consumed by 10pm pacific time. It's not even five and the odds are not looking good.

katiedid said...

And I thought Sacramento was the Arbonne capital!

BTW....those women are NOT real. They come from Disneyland, just like the Stepford wives. You can tell because their bodyparts keep changing every season. When the old parts wear out, Disney rebuilds them. I know this for a fact, because I grew up down there and no one I know lives there anymore....they have all mysteriously disappeared and been replaced by blond boobs on a stick drivng beamers and mercedes.

I hope I beat your deadline for the recap!

Brilliant Asylum said...

I have been begging tvgasm to add the Real Houswives to their recaps, but apparently they are too busy stalking the Laguna Beach cast to take on another show. I will see what I can do (though I am about to have a night cap myself).

SGM said...

I'm back! Let's sober up, ladies and submit your summaries. I must know what Tamra got for her bday.

Habitually Chic said...

There was so much bling on the show last night in the form of rhinstones and "diamonds" that I thought I was going to go blind from the glare. I guess no one told Tamra that a woman is supposed to get dressed for the evening and then take off one piece of jewelry. It looked like she was wearing the entire contents of her jewelry box which was bad enough but then her dress and shoes had rhinestones as well. But what can you expect from an insecure 40 year old. All the Botox in the world won't help that.

And although Lauri is going to look like a wax figure from Madame Tussauds on her wedding day, I have to say that so far, the decorations look kind of nice. I'm going to credit George for that. All in all, I can't I actually made time to watch this damn show. It's an hour of my life that I'll never see again but I guess it's worth it for the entertainment factor.

Brilliant Asylum said...

Tamra got a bling'd out Rolex. We were all waiting to hear a big "thank you" to her husband, instead we got the estimated value: "40 grand"! Wow. Simon must have sold a lot of cars this year.

katiedid said...

Ok, I know i did not meet the deadline, but just FYI:
Tamra DID get a 40K Rolex to replace her 30K Rolex, but only after her hubby felt her up in front of all of the party guests.Payback. Vicki looked like she was choking on the ice cube from her champagne (I know...ice in your champagne is sooo klassy!) after she realized SHE did not even have a rolex. (BTW she may be trading her hubby in for a yunger model who will shower her with rolexes...stay tuned!)
Laurie has hired a psychotherapist to whip her errant druggy son into shape so he won't ruin her wedding. The therapist has, what, two days to "fix" him? Good luck! If the therapist can do it, she should take a whack at Brittany!
Then there is poor Quinn. I did not realize what a devout born-again Christian she is. She is very worried about saving the soul of her non-Christian boyfriend Billy, but has decided it can wait until after her sex-romp weekend in Vegas.

Next week: Lauri's wedding!

Kids Got Hitched said...

Quinn does not believe in evolution. For reals.

More importantly, am I the only one who thinks that she's a total snoozefest?

Lauri looks even more like a monster as the wedding nears. She must have gotten an eyebrow tutorial from Cruella DeVille. There were a couple close-ups that I just couldn't deal with last night.

And yes, the tent does look really nice (completely draped in white fabric, a couple crysal chandeliers), but the previews for the actual wedding show that very same tent swathed in pepto-bismol colored light.....can't wait for next week.

Oh, and we also got introduced to some of the NYC wives. It's gonna be a great Spring, girls.

beachbungalow8 said...

i sort of think that quinn is really good at giving something.


Kids Got Hitched said...

BB8, thank you for bringing perfect clarity to the Quinn situation.

Okay, now only click this link if your stomach is empty. The best part is the wedding video trailer she includes. As I suspected, she turns what could have been a beautiful tent wedding into a fuschia nightmare. And she used CHAIR COVERS. Chair covers! This woman probably dropped half a mil on this wedding and she couldn't spring for nice chairs? Next week is going to be SO MUCH FUN.



SGM said...

ok, I followed the link and watched the video--hard to tell what the wedding was like, but it left me yearning for more.
But THEN, i followed the link to Quinn's myspace, where it said she is 99 years old. I almost spit out my drink.
I can't fit the link, so use the link above, then scroll down to Lauri's friends where you'll see a pic of Quinn. Click on that.
I think I have become the unofficial fan site for RHOC. Yikes.

katiedid said...

YIIIPPEEE! Although it might be more fun to see a photo of the real winner of the contest in that t-shirt.;)

katiedid said...

P.S. Regarding all of the people I grew up with in the OC. There are still small groups in hiding that are trying to assemble an underground resistance movement. I hope everyone will support them in any way they can.

Brilliant Asylum said...

Um, how did we all forget about Quinn's "release the beast" comment? Ew.

SGM said...

Katie, viva la resistance! And I'm sending you that shirt, whether you like it or not.
BA, I managed to see the last 10 minutes of the show and witnessed the "release the beast." Omg, I almost threw up. I can only imagine how her children must feel. Yowza.