Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Winner winner chicken dinner!

Congratulations to my husband, the winner of the Real Housewives of Orange County Recap Contest! He was the only one who submitted an entry before the deadline, which was admittedly very tight. His entry was verbal and went something like this:
Tamra's husband is so cheesy. He got her a $40k Rolex. And he bought a yacht with his partner. He must own that dealership. Do you know how he gave her the Rolex? Is there a lingerie line called Juicy or something? Are you sure? Because he said that the Juicy panties would fit in this little box and then she opened it and it was the Rolex. And do you know what Tamra said? She said that Simon is the horniest guy she's ever met and that he can't sell cars without having sex, SO THEY HAVE SEX EVERY DAY.
Then he looked at me pointedly. That's it. He only watched 10 minutes and turned it into a ploy for more sex, which is against the contest rules. He is therefore disqualified.

The new winner is Katiedid! She had the most complete recap, which was submitted via the comments:
Tamra DID get a 40K Rolex to replace her 30K Rolex, but only after her hubby felt her up in front of all of the party guests. Payback. Vicki looked like she was choking on the ice cube from her champagne (I know...ice in your champagne is sooo klassy!) after she realized SHE did not even have a rolex. (BTW she may be trading her hubby in for a yunger model who will shower her with rolexes...stay tuned!)
Laurie has hired a psychotherapist to whip her errant druggy son into shape so he won't ruin her wedding. The therapist has, what, two days to "fix" him? Good luck! If the therapist can do it, she should take a whack at Brittany!
Then there is poor Quinn. I did not realize what a devout born-again Christian she is. She is very worried about saving the soul of her non-Christian boyfriend Billy, but has decided it can wait until after her sex-romp weekend in Vegas.

Next week: Lauri's wedding!
I especially loved the part about Vicki's ice cube and Lauri's son being magically fixed before the wedding. Oh, and the walking contradiction that is Quinn. Thank you, Katie! Please email me with your address and shirt size: scentedglossymagazines@gmail.com

Honorable mentions go to Habitually Chic, who has realized that it takes a bit of masochist to watch this show; Brilliant Asylum, who pointed out the essence of Tamra (money over manners); and Kids Got Hitched for her general enthusiasm about the show and her observation that Quinn is a snoozefest.

My next event will a be caption contest for this picture:

Just kidding. But you know that horse is thinking something.

Tiara photo courtesy of damselfly58


JJ said...

You know he's thinking something. Look at those shifty eyes. He's practically rolling them.

decorno.blogspot.com said...

How did I miss all of this??? Fuck.

Ice in champagne. I seriously did not know people ever did this.

JJ - you and I need to get our asses on the couch and watch the latest marathon on TV start to finish.

Jane E. said...

I missed the first contest, so here's my entry for the pretend caption contest: "(horse) Where the hell did I put that number to the glue factory?"

Anonymous said...

Jane E. is the new blog comment genius!!!

Kids Got Hitched said...

After exhausting my gold medal potential by winning the spelling bee in 4th, 5th, and 6th grades, I've received several Honorable Mentions, none of which I was more thrilled to get than this one.

amber said...

ok. first I have to stop laughing and compose myself. I watched this with my husband (against his will) and the only thing he remember (and repeated) was that part your husband mentioned (shocking, I'm sure) about the sex-to-sell-cars line. It really was classic.

SGM said...

JJ, rolling them in the throes of death.
Decorno, get your priorities straight.
Jane E, BINGO! I love it.
Anon, I agree.
Kids, You deserved it, man.
Amber, men all over the country are repeating this, don't you think? This is their revenge for being forced to watch the show!

mark said...

The horse went to Vicki's plastic surgeon for a nose job!