Wednesday, April 22, 2009

I'm sure you've seen this already, but I need to have it here.

Listen, I've had two kids. My boobs are certainly not perfect.


But sweet baby Jesus, you could PARK a CAR in there. WHY is she wearing that dress?

Stay tuned for the recap.


photo via here, here, here and here and a zillion other places.

85 comments:

Stacy said...

WHAT the MOTHERFUCK is that????
I keep staring at my boobs now, trying to remember what they are supposed to look like.

Kelly said...

She must be REALLY broke.

Pigtown-Design said...

I know that most boobs aren't symmetrical, but these don't even look like they belong to the same person.

Sarah's Fab Day said...

Gag.

regardez moi said...

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously. I'm dry heaving.

Suzette said...

Migratory.

Jilly in Idaho said...

Looks like only one implant. Weird. Ya'd think she'd keep those pups covered.

Paloma {La Dolce Vita} said...

Meg of Pigtown Design is so right! They are on two different planets! I was thinking last night while she was doing the photoshoot that they were so far apart. I even put my arms up the way she had them to see if that was normal, and it is definitely not. They look fake, don't they? Although, that isn't even the problem! If they are fake, then she makes Tara Reid's surgery look good.

Paloma {La Dolce Vita} said...

Okay, now I feel kind of bad. What if she had one removed because of cancer? Does anyone know if she was ever sick?

SGM said...

I know. I'm feeling badly too. Who am I to make fun of someone's boobs? I'm as bad as that nasty Jackie Warner!

BUT, 1) Kelly put herself in the public eye and 2) she is awful.

Also, I saw an interview with Adrienne Curry (My Fair Brady). She had major breast assymetry and got implants to correct it. She said that it was an option to get one implant, but what a terrible idea because eventually, one boob would be saggy and the other would be perky.

It sure does look like Kelly has one implant. WHY? What is going on with Kelly's boobs????

Anonymous said...

Doesn't have one implant for long. It looks like it's making a break for it, and directly through the areola, too.

Anonymous said...

I'm trying to figure out what went wrong here....I think one implant was placed under the muscle (our left, her right) and the other one was not. Don't feel bad for making fun of her, obviously she thinks they look good, because why else would she wear a dress like that which draws attention to them?!

Chloe said...

Oh dear. That looks painful.

beachbungalow8 said...

wait, how tall does this make Gabrielle Reese?

Design Junkie said...

gabrielle reese is gorgeous, but Jesus, that chick must be gigantic...she's towering over kelly who looks like an amazon compared to every other housewife (except maybe luann). In another pic from this party, she looks taller than her husband.

Design Junkie said...

and, by the way, I love how Kelly has accessorized this extremely low cut dress which basically exposes her breasts with the demure string of pearls. When did debutante skank become a fashion look?

Anonymous said...

She was just too busy to get both boobs.

BTW..watched a DVR'd version of the Zarin cocktail party and Jesus she's an agressively bad dresser. She looks like an unmade bed.

hello gorgeous said...

"She looks like an unmade bed" and "her implant looks like it's making a run for it..."

I love these anons.

Lolo said...

See????? Can't any of these crapsacks find a decent boob surgeon or a mirror that actually works?

She really is a hideoma (medical term for hideous growth that walks like a bowlegged truck ho) and I bless you for watching this and relaying the "best" parts.

jenny said...

dear christ. bless her heart. she is slightly retarded.
i noticed last night in her bunny costume that her boobs looked like a motorcycle handlebar.

Dobbygirl said...

I think the major issue is that she needs to dress appropriately - for her body and her age. I mean what works at 20 ain't gonna cut it at 40. Everything she puts on looks like it's just about to fall right back off. Jeez...

Breakfast for Dinner said...

W.O.W. That is insanity. I've seen some bad boob jobs, but this is reeeeediculous!!!

cassandra158 said...

AMAZING

"medical term for hideous growth that walks like a bowlegged truck ho"

AND

"her boobs looked like a motorcycle handlebar"

Kelly said...

Why, Why, Why??

If my plastic surgeon fucked me up that badly, you KNOW I'd be covering that shit up with turtlenecks, but plunging necklines.

Lyndsy said...

So gross! She is a freak! Did she really look in the mirror and think, I look hot?

pam said...

thanks for my laugh of the day! love the comment about the demure pearls.

Sparkie said...

It's rully obvious: Picasso was her plastic surgeon.

Lucinda said...

Calm down everyone, I have the answer. One boob is on eastern standard time and the other is on pacific standard time.

Anonymous said...

Her boobs are on "Kelly time", baby! LOL

Velvet said...

Sparkie - I think it's more like Stevie Wonder was her plastic surgeon!

Kim said...

Speaking of the bunny costume, did anyone else think it was strange that she didn't have any bunny ears. I mean seriously, if the Girls Next Door can remember to wear them, you would think Kelly could remember.

And this dress? Rully inappropriate.

Anonymous said...

These housewives are the biggest frauds alive!!

Anonymous said...

how can she be sooo out and proud about them? I don't get it!

Anonymous said...

Super bad fake boob job. You'd think she'd get them fixed after seeing this photo.....

Brittany said...

It kind of looks like she was in motion, and the photographer caught the one swinging away for dear life.

Well, I've heard of times when one of the implants hardens and the other stays the same, so perhaps this is the case. She's just so rully, rully busy that she hasn't bothered to fix it.

BTW, I can not compete with the hilarity of all of you.

Anonymous said...

Rully rully PEOPLE! Rude. What would the cuntess say?

Seriously. That is one real one, one fakie. Why?

Vanessa said...

Oh Jebus. That's baaaad.

Little Lantern said...

I just don't comprehend why she wouldn't get that fixed. Maybe she doesn't have any cash though. The house is for sale and she did have that open bar at her Halloween frat party...lady needs to cover those girls up 'till she gets that taken care of.

6p011570422c41970b said...

Wow!! I had not seen this yet. I haven't seen boobs that scary since Bethenny was poolside at Jill's in the Hamptons! Yikes.

I think what happened was the right boob showed up late and told the left boob, "Listen--I am up here and you're down there. We are not friends. We will never be friends." Then the left boob went out with her imaginary date.

Anonymous said...

LOL @ 6p011570422c41970b

Lolo said...

Oh thank you for eastern and pacific time boobs. Love.It.

Melanie said...

She must have NOT looked in the mirror! Serves her right, she is horrible.

Melanie said...

Also LOVE the eastern & pacific comment. Made me laugh out loud:)

MerciBlahBlah said...

Annnnnd 6p011570422c41970b for the win!!!!

amber {daisy chain} said...

Is that for real??
Let's just say her right boob is "up here" and her left is "down here", and they're certainly not friends.

Anonymous said...

I feel I need to set the record straight. SGM does have perfect boobs.

SGM's husband

Anonymous said...

she should stick with showing off the legs - if she's gotta show off something, that is.

Richie Designs said...

I think she has two implants the left just is in more shadow.

the thing with implants is that they have to keep them far away from the center breast bone because they will migrate into a uniboob. [don't have them but many many friends do]

but yah, not a good look. even more disturbing I bet you when you get closer to her you can see the outline of the plastic because her body fat is so low. I've seen that in action here in So Cal and nearly lost my lunch.

She is very well off, she can afford to redo or have the best in the country. I don't feel bad for her AT ALL

but wow how tall/big is Gabby? I guess I would look like an amazon next to a size 0 woman too though.

Anonymous said...

What's up with that olympic medal around Amazon's neck?

Anonymous said...

Dear SGM,
Kelly looks like a rectangle. A rectangle whose boobs like to visit her armpits occasionally. Her armpits are like the Hamptons, She's a rectangle whose boobs summer in her armpits and she has really long orange legs. Well, sometimes they are orange. Gosh, it doesn't even sound like I am describing a human being.

On the Ledge with Kelly said...

SGM, you should have made "what the hell is going on with Kelly's bi-coastal boobs" a contest or something.

No pressure, but when in Real Housewives hell are you going to get the recap up? Some of us just read your recaps rather than watch the show. Thank you for getting on it woman!

p.s. It's nice that your husband thinks your boobs are perfect.

Steph said...

She could completely mask this problem IF SHE WORE A BRA! Ever!

Trenches of Mommyhood said...

Maybe it's just me, but don't they look like they rully rully HURT?

The Lil Bee said...

I read something about KKB recently and googled her to look up her face for a close-up...that's when I saw this travesty. I would be PISSED if I were her and this photo was circulating. It's like her left boob is padded and held up by fashion tape and her right boob decided to play fried egg for the evening.

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