Thursday, April 24, 2008

Google is a really crappy babysitter


I was in the kitchen cleaning up after dinner and my 6 year old and 3 year old asked to get on the computer. Sure. Their harmless little websites are bookmarked, and Google's Safesearch was on. I could clean in peace. Or so I thought.

After about 5 minutes, I heard shrieks and giggles coming from the computer room and walked in to find a big butt on the screen. A big, hairy, explicit ass with balls and a hint of penis. Like some dude had asked his friend to lie on the floor underneath him and take a picture as he squatted down.

How did this happen?

My kids did a Google image search for "pee and poo." Thanks a lot, Google. Thanks for showing my sweet innocent children the private parts of a strange and depraved man on the internet. There are some sick people out there, Google, but I never thought you were one of them. You are not allowed to watch my kids ever again, do you hear? I'm setting my home page to Yahoo, who will hopefully be more responsible and mature.

Now get out of here before I call the police!

15 comments:

Susannah said...

Oh dear lord. I hope this doesn't make me a pervert, too, but I am laughing my ass off over here. I think I might have to Google pee and poo myself to see what comes up.

muranogirl said...

Poor you!! You can trust no one!
My 13 year old daughter will be going on outdoor ed with her classmates next month. Let me just preface this by saying we are NOT campers. They'll be backpacking in the mountains: no cabins, no bathrooms, just tents, sleeping bags, and all they can carry on their backs. Being resourceful she Googled how to pee in the woods and all kinds of crazy things popped up. One site shows women how to pee standing up like men. I don't think the women in our family have that God- given talent.

Leslie (Reclaiming Miss Havisham) said...

I remember the first dirty picture I was ever sent on the internets. I was in an AOL chatroom with my other seventh grade friend. It was a chat room for pregnant women and we were telling them that their babies were going to have coconut heads. (this was hilarious to us) Some other troll asked to send us a picture and after 4 hours over the dial up modem, I saw an image that made part of me die that day. I'll give you a hint, one woman, two long neck beer bottles, and i'm guessing a muscle relaxer.

Sarah's Fab Day said...

Glossy you crack my shiz up. I'm trying to laugh quietly because Little is napping and it's totally not working.

SGM said...

Susannah--it's not until a page in the 20s or 30s. I tried to find it again for this post but couldn't. But there was some NASTY stuff. Apparently men take photos in urinals??

Muranogirl, I am set to go on my first camping trip ever in June. Not looking forward to it; I like my hot water and toilets. You'll have to report how you daughter fares!

Leslie, your story totally cracked me up. Esp about the 4 hrs on the dial up. :)

Thank you, Sarah dear.

Sucker For Marketing said...

SGM, you totaly know that we would have googled that shit our freshman year if google had been around.

Instead we had to read the phone book to each other and guess the ethnicity of the citizens based on their last names...those were the days! :)

Suzy said...

Yikes!

Jessie said...

Wow. Thanks to SGM and Leslie, I have two of the most horribly obscene mental pictures in my head right now.

Blech.

Anonymous said...

Your six-year-old knew how to do a Google Image search?

Impressive!

Anonymous said...

Leslie:

You have GOT to write a book. I could read you for days.

Jessica Claire said...

that is seriously f'd up

When we first started "searching" our names in computer class in grade 5, the name 'jessica' yielded hundreds of adult stars - we'd just giggle but I think if I saw hairy choda as a 10 year old I'd cry

zakary said...

That is some funny shit.

My daughter is 7 and can Google like a mofo. Don't underestimate kids and their tech savviness.

jozette said...

hahahaha. hilarious. oh, google. please do better!!

i'm now addicted to your blog!! mind if i add you to my blog roll?

SGM said...

please do, jozette. love your blog too.

Pink Wallpaper said...

that is so funny!! i guess this is what i get to look forward too!