"You're never home for taco night!"

Such a small part of the show, but 10 year old Noel saying this to the Countess just made me smile. I love the fact that this Upper East Side family has taco night! Well, for the children and the nanny. Poor Noel, when he's not breakdancing, he's wearing his white polo shirt, clutching his dog and begging to go out with his mom. Noel, would you care to join my family for hot dog night sometime? I will not only prepare the meal, but I will even eat it with you. Consider it a standing invitation.

On with the recap/commentary!

1. Alex. Oh dear. My scorn for you has been replaced by pity. Preparing for opening night at the Met like it was your first day of junior high; speed-walking to the red carpet festivities in your formal-wear because the limo wasn't going to get there fast enough, and then being totally ignored by the paparazzi. Oh, and Simon's shiny gold cummerbund, hanky, bow-tie--yowza. You both reeked of "please don't let us look like losers on national tv," but really, it was unavoidable:




Alex, you know how I love when you explain "the plan" and the plan that night was "to to meet new people and see what happens." Come again? You sound like you're looking for swingers action (which wouldn't surprise me one bit, actually). Unfortunately, you didn't get to
"meet new people" but you did "make eye contact with a couple of people." WTF? What does that mean?!

I won't even mention the painful French restaurant scene, or Francois' birthday party in your torn-up home. I will, however, ask you this: since when does cocktail attire mean micro-mini? You know I'm talking about the cooking party at Jill's! It was completely rude of Ramoner to rip into you for bringing Simon, but WHY DID YOU BRING SIMON? That's creepy. Let's face it, Simon's creepy. And your smug little comeback, spoken to the Countess, "not everyone has a great marriage." Oh, Ramoner is going to fucking LOSE IT when she sees that on tv.

2. Ramoner. Such an awful display of manners by you. I think that your work is not done with your therapist, and you should probably focus on "letting go" and "shutting up." Jesus, woman! And then you have the nerve to instruct people on class and etiquette during dinner. I loved how you kept saying "class is an ambiance" over and over. What? To top off your evening of horrendous behavior, you just up and left the party. Nice.


It came out later in a private conversation with Bethenny that you have some issues with "codependent relationships" and that you perceive Alex and Simon to have such a relationship. Again, I say stick with the therapy, or else avoid Alex and Simon altogether (not a bad idea).

Ramoner, I have one last thing to say to you. Please listen, as it is very important. The crazy dancing in public must stop. Bust your moves in front of the mirror at home, but not in public and certainly not in front of a camera crew. I shudder to think of teasing Avery will endure tomorrow.


3. Bethenny. Both you and Jill seem like straight-shooters. You seem a little sharper than Jill, so you have my allegiance for now. However, Megan at Beach Bungalow 8 so called it when she made the following comment after last week's episode:

why do i feel we're going to find out that not only do you have an eating disorder but a tad of a drinking thing going on. please don't stop seeing your therapist it's too early. i know girls like you. one grape to two hours on the stationary bike, followed by 4 lychee martinis should do it.

Ah yes! Twas revealed tonight that the "skinny girl martini" is Bethenny's drink of choice. I don't even remember what's in it, but I got the impression that it's a substitute for food. Watch yourself, B. I must say, though, that I got a good chuckle out of your reaction to Alex's home, which you described as an unacknowledged state of grossness (basically. I wasn't taking notes on this part).

4. Countess. THE COUNT IS ON HIS 4TH MARRIAGE?! At least you had the dignity to look a leetle bit embarrassed by this. I didn't mind your etiquette lessons in this episode because, quite frankly, lessons were in order (not so much on the Bethenny front, but it's clear Ramoner is a manners retard). One more thing: would you please try to eat a taco with your kid before the year is up? Thanks.

5. Jill! I always save you for last, after I have run out of steam, and I don't do you justice. I'm going to make an attempt tonight. Your sister's luncheon--what's your educational background? Because it is painfully obvious that you are intimidated by smart people. Let it go! You may not have the brain power, but you really do have loads of personality and charm (when your DOG ISN'T ALL UP IN YOUR NOSE). You know, I think my issue with you is that you are so Long Island and I am so Denver. You mother! Your sister! "Lunch with Lisa!" The accents! Your sister's hair! It's like a skit for Saturday Night Live.


We are oil and water, Jill. I do not understand you, but I like you. I loved the look you shot to (can't remember who it was) when Ramoner was trying to describe class at dinner. It was an excellent "can you BELIEVE this shit?!" look, and it truly captured the moment.

Also, Jill--when you are hosting the party in name only (i.e. you didn't cook, clean, set the table or serve), there is no need to be so nervous. Your guest list was what screwed you this time. For your next get-together, I suggest you invite just the Countess and Bethenny and order some Chinese food. Dessert can be some raw slice-and-bake cookies. Bethenny won't eat anything so there will be plenty of leftovers for Ginger and you the next day. Just a little girls' night tip from SGM.

One more thing, did anyone else notice that Jill did not have an undermount sink in her kitchen? I'm not trying to nit-pick her, but I was surprised. If you're going to have the uber-fancy apartment and the updated kitchen with the granite countertops, then undermount the sink, yo.


Let's hear it!


Real Housewives of New York City