Thursday, April 17, 2008

A message to my hairdresser



Hi Monica!

How's it going? I am so sorry that I had to cancel on you two weeks ago. As I said on my message, my oldest was barfing and there was just no way I could come in. I know I've canceled on you something like 3 times in the past 4 months, and I feel terribly about it. I swear I'm not A Canceler, but I'm sure you don't want to hear all of my excuses.

The truth is, I'm wondering if it's time we broke up. I'm sitting here with my roots grown out 1.5 inches, and my hair is dreadfully long and stringy, yet I haven't called you. Know why? Because I'm scared. I'm afraid you're going to punish me like you did last time and not get me in for 3 more weeks. I can't wait 3 weeks!

You know I love hearing about your ex-husband and your psychic and your on-and-off relationship with the guy who was built, as you put it, like "a brick shithouse." I'm not being sarcastic--I really do enjoy it. But lately you've been so quiet. My mother-in-law (who also goes to you) is telling me gossip that I should have heard from you. It's getting obvious that you're not that into me, and I think it shows in my hair. You haven't suggested anything helpful in at least a year; it's always "I think you should keep growing it out," and "let's stick with this color." I've needed some hair guidance lately, and you haven't been there for me. In fact, I feel like lately you've been giving me suburban hair. I'm not saying that you're doing it intentionally, but just that your usual effort isn't there.

I will never forget how you rescued me from my last hairdresser. It was so dysfunctional, the way that she would ask me what I wanted and then just do whatever the hell she wanted to do. I would say "I'd like to go a little warmer with my color," and she'd say "you mean cooler?" and I'd say "no, warmer." And then I'd leave with black hair, looking like an old, pathetic Goth. Do you remember that when I called you for the first time, desperate for some color correction, you got me in that day?

No doubt about it, we had some good times. Have I ever told you that most people think that my fake color is my real color? Yes, you are fantastic with the color. I'm afraid that I'll have to go through many colorists to find one as skilled as you, and this gives me much anxiety. However, I know in my heart that our relationship has run its course. It's been a great 3 years, but we both need to move on.

I wish you all the best in your future hair endeavors and I promise I will not talk shit about you to my new person.

Fondly,

SGM

22 comments:

alex said...

Girl..i had to do the SAME thing a coupla months ago...i felt bad but it was just time!!

Bree said...

Go to Cue (the owner) at Babooshka on Colfax. Check out Yelp for reviews(including mine)...seriooz. She's good stuff.

Sucker For Marketing said...

I just gave my old one the boot too...like 25 years long, on and off relationship...the boot. I sure hope I don't see her in Hobby Lobby or something, or I am in TROUBLE!

Sarah's Fab Day said...

That is the perfect Dear John letter for a stylist. Not to mention you made me laught out loud as usual. Why do I love you so?

Cricket said...

"...I feel like lately you've been giving me suburban hair"

RUN and don't look back!!!

Jennifer said...

I divorced my hair boy last year and the compliments have been pouring in ever since. Go with your gut, girl!

Anonymous said...

You killed me with the last line.

Sneaky Chic said...

I love my guy, Tam. He is at 18th and Clarkson, Studio 107. He really does a great job. The last style change involved bangs, and I was a little nervous, but I brought a pic and he made it look EXACTLY the same. Good luck!

jozette said...

I had to leave a hairdresser a while back b/c I swore she was making me look like her. She had a mohawk. I wanted to grow my hair out and every time I went, it got shorter and shorter. AND she was insane with the hair product pushing. So we parted ways. I love my new girl she does the best job. The only problem is she's so beautiful that I feel bad about myself while sitting in her chair. Hm...i think that may have just inspired a blog post. thanks!

Richie Designs said...

I used to be a GM of a major salon in my area. They do punish you by not squeezing you in, it's not your imagination.

Best way to combat that issue [if it is a true emergency that you're cancelling] is to tip extra large the next time your in as a "thank you for understanding" big tippers get pushed to the top every time.

it's not exactly fair, but it's the truth.

Also the girls at the makeup counter at your local dept store are a good source for new stylists. If you see someone that you like their color/cut ask about their stylist. Proof is in the hair.

SGM said...

To everyone who chose to leave, how did you do it? I lied to my last one, telling her that she was too far away when we all know that a girl would never let distance come between her and great hair.
Sneaky chic and Bree, thanks for the suggestions. I'm starting to feel excited!
Jozette, the issues I raised in the post were only half of it. She was also so beautiful and I looked like a TROLL sitting in her chair with my cape and wet hair. I totally get it, girl!

jozette said...

Oh man. isn't that the worst feeling? You totally judge yourself the whole time and then when you get up to leave, when you should be feeling fresh and alive in your new 'do...you feel like a total frump. ugh.

The way I left my old hairdresser was by just not making another appointment. I just totally bowed out and didn't say a word. Very cowardly...but I was afraid her mohawk would hurt me.

SGM said...

Richie, I KNEW IT! Thanks for the advice. I'm not going back, even if it means I have to color my own hair (eek) to get me through a few weeks.

Anonymous said...

What timing.
I came home a raving bitch from my hair appt yesterday - from the person I've gone to for YEARS.

After forking over $215 for my foil & cut (@%#$@)
I looked, as I described to my husband, like
"A fucking suburban housewife".

I should have broke up long ago, when the consistency of my what USED to be positively other worldly cuts started turning into me having to go back 2 and 3 times for him to get it right.

I have been gearing up to slap him when I see him loping more off in places it OBVIOUSLY doesn't need and leaving weird strands where they have no business......arrrrrrrrh.

I'm a tough customer. But JEEZUS I NOT only pay a hundred for the damn cut (and I live in the modest Midwest, for chrissake, that's ALOT for a cut, here)
BUT, his guy who cuts me, is also the owner and I tip him quite well.

Which broaches another subject - Everyone I talk to does NOT ever tip the owner if he/she cuts their hair.
What's the consensus on that one?

Well, yesterday was IT - a foul mood all day.
This a-hole presumes he's got me around his finger and, yes, he probably does, but I'm flicking him.

I get a stomach ache thinking about it, not because of what he thinks, but I'm REALLY afraid that there's no one that can give me my good hair back.....
Pretty shallow stuff realizing how much I wrap myself up in this hair thing.

Whew, a relief to gripe about this.
Again.

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JJ said...

I quit my stylist recently too. (A year ago seems recent because it was so traumatic.) Each time I left the appointment (to get nearly platinum streaks in my medium brown hair) the new blonde didn't match the old blonde. They were close - so close that they were arguably the same -, but shit, if *I* can see they don't match shouldn't the expert colorist see it before I leave the salon? I had to go back to have her match the old color every time.

So, I went dark dark brown with a new person.

Apparently it's my natural color! Who knew?!

I am Trish Marie said...

What is with the hair stylists lately?! I am on a search for a new one now. Mine got to talking about his long lost dad, and ooops cut bangs again when I said NO MORE BANGS. And they had already grown to my chin.

Kelly said...

I just recently left my hair lady, who I'd been going to my whole life (except for about a year during college when I was just too far away to bother trying to keep up with her).

It was time. I used to be amazed how she always left me loving my hair time after time, year after year, but she seems to be losing her touch. I went to my new girl and she immediately saw what my problem was, and fixed me. I have my second appointment with her tomorrow, and I'm actually excited. My hair doesn't look like crap anymore. Wheeee!

(btw I just started reading your blog, so [insert waving-hello motion here])

karey m. said...

i need this letter translated into arabic. because my guy? keeps trying to turn my beach blondie into magenta-meets-mouse. plus, he believes uncle sugar would find me more attractive with a dutchboy.

he scares me.

Abby said...

haha this is so funny! i must have missed this post over the weekend but just came across it. i guess i am a little insensitive, but i basically stopped going to my guy and started seeing a girl that worked at the same salon!! how's that for in your face?! i mean it's my hair, and if i don't like what he's doing, i'm not sticking around! i love my girl now, she's awesome. i went really long to really short with her and i love it. i mean we don't have much ladies, so stand up strong to those stupid annoying stylists

SGM said...

You went to a different stylist at the same salon?! Dude, I don't think it's insensitive, I think it's BRAVE. Do you ever get withering looks from your old stylist? That's what I would be afraid of.

Jessica Claire said...

A few years ago I went to a stylist who cut my sisters' hair in a dramatic short do. I loved it and followed suit with my own punky layered cut, but throught it all I never get good vibes from the stylist.

Everytime I sat in her chair it felt like she was doing me a favour and sinking beneath herself by cutting my hair. On the outside I'd be smiling at her and searching for a positive reaction while inside my head I'd be like 'why are you such a bitch as I pay you to cut my bangs?'

Even after I sent tons of clients her way she never smiled and said thank you. I ditched her a year later...