Friday, April 25, 2008

I need to talk to the people buying these

Marc by Marc Jacobs Starburst clear tote, $137.90, on sale from $198


Bulga clear tote for $277 (on sale from $462)



Fendi Clear Prism bowler, $1150


But first I would like to slap them across the face, or maybe throw a cup of cold water on them. Haven't decided.

Then I would tell them a little story. Once upon a time many, many years ago when I was a student, I worked at Saks. The security staff, being a very suspicious group, would not let employees bring regular handbags to work. No, we had to leave them at home and bring in a clear bag, much like the Marc Jacobs one above, so that they could search them easily and know that we weren't stealing lipstick or an Escada evening gown. Guess what? Saks provided the bags for FREE. It's true!

If you are really dying for a bag that looks like a free gift with purchase, just apply for a job at Saks, Nordstrom, even Macy's. They'll give you a clear plastic bag and you can quit before your first day. You can then bedazzle it or quilt it--whatever. Spend the money that you saved on a cute dress from Anthropolgie or, in the case of the Fendi bag, I recommend that you save it and put it toward getting some treatment for that brain injury you've obviously suffered.

Just a little money-saving tip from SGM. Good luck!

14 comments:

Susannah said...

I think the women who buy these bags are the same women who open the door to their husband wearing nothing but a roll of Saran Wrap because they think their hoo hoo looks sexy pressed all sweaty up against a sheet of plastic.

I, for one, would not want a clear plastic tote because then everyone would see that what I carry in my purse is a melange of chapstick, stray raisins, papier poudres and SCRUNCHIES. yes, scrunchies. Which I guess is the plastic bag equivalent to opening the door wrapped in Saran Wrap with your tampon string showing.

I *Heart* You said...

You have to be fucked in the head to buy any one of those bags. I don't get the voyeur bag trend. Seriously, I always look away when I see someone taking their lunch break from the Clinique counter at the mall because I am embarrassed for them.

Pigtown-Design said...

My first thought? Looks like what the perfume ladies use at the mall. My second thought? that's what the kids at public school where i live use so the security can tell that they're not carrying weapons. niiiice.

Kelly said...

I don't really want people seeing my tampons, medications, and bills, but maybe I'm the crazy one.

Meg said...

$1150. For a bag made of extra fancy bubble wrap in which you get to show the world your favored tampon brand? I love over-priced fashion trends that will look ridiculous in a decade (hey, if you know it about yourself, you may as well admit it), but even I have no interest in going THERE. Now, for $3, would it make a great, cute grocery tote? Yup.

elaine said...

Enough about these ridiculous bags. SGM, Baby G is overtired and will not go to sleep! Nathan is out playing poker with the boys (that fucktard!) Help! Advice from an experienced fashionista mommy. Talk to me!

SGM said...

My fucktard is also out with the boys. When our kids wake up at 6am tomorrow, HE'S ON DUTY. That's how I roll.

I'm sorry about Baby G. Maybe Sean can come over and take over for a little bit?

jozette said...

These bas are regoddamndiculous. F'in $277 for a bag that will make your inner arm sweat. Sign me up.

Actually, I think I'll get one (from the $1 store...and carry wildly inappropriate contents...like a big d*ldo...just to see what happens. Take that Fendi.

karey m. said...

it's times like this when i'm psyched to live in a country that's choking the crap out of mother earth. no ideas like this one even makes it to the drawing board.

and, oh, jozette...whoever you are...a million thanks for giving me the greatest idea when re-entering america this summer! your dirty, dirty mind is dirty, dirty awesome.

amber said...

Domino mag sent me something very similar recently when I subscribed. I threw it away thinking a magazine with such fab style sent me this shitty little piece of saran wrap posing as a purse?! - not cool.

Sneaky Chic said...

Dis-gus-ting! This is the type of bag you will see on some WT club-hoppin skank, so perfectly coordinated with her clear plastic and acrylic healed shoes. Klasssy!

courtney said...

Whoever would spend that kind of $ on these purses has FAR too much $ and not enough fashion sense.

seriously, aren't those the same purses you see middle aged women & grandmas putting a bunch of photos in? I know I've seen that ... and it does go perfectly with a snowman sweater (or some similiar 'teacher-ware') but not cool. really, not cool.

all of these comments are making me laugh. ;) funny girls!

Brilliant Asylum said...

Looks like a classic case of designers stamping their logo on the cheapest materials available to increase the old profit margin. Luckily for them, there are plenty of superficialistards out there to take them up on their offer (and drive the price of good quality items way up for the rest of us). I am seriously ready to join one of those no-shopping-for-a-year clubs.

style & grace said...

They will end up on the sale table at Saks/Neimans and then the employees who have to carry the clear bags will scoop them up on last call price.